Not all my kind,
Serve valentines
So many are crushed
And fragrance dispersed
And some with beauty
Undiscovered, withered
Some, with high perfection bloom
No autumn, no winters befall doom
Some rest upon the majestic head
Others entwined, put over the dead
A bud when with grace unfolds,
A flower like me the nature holds.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, I will also try to help get your work out the green room.
Let's get started.
So as I was reading this I saw you don't have very much punctuation, so I think you might want to put some more in, it will also help with the flow a bit.
Well now that's done let's talk about the good things.
Even if you didn't have much punctuation I still think the flow was nice, and it was still easy to read. I saw that some of your words rimed, and that was really fun to read. I also saw some of them didn't but that's fine it kind of made this poem different to the others.
I thought the length of the poem was great, just long enough to get all the feelings and emotions that you want to get across, across. I think if it was any shorter i don't think it would have worked as well.
When I saw the name to the poem I new I had to come read it, it was like pulling me in, and that is what you are looking for in a title. Well that's what I think.
Again amazing job, this was written really well. And I'm glad I got the chance to read and review it for you. I hope you will never stop writing and keep posting really good works out on YWS. Have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Thankyou very much! I'm humbled. And yes I'm planning to take some lessons about line break and punctuation. Hope I'll cope with it.
That's great!! I'm sure you will get the hang of it in know time.
I wish you luck.
Hello! Welcome to YWS.
I really like how you compared the diversity of women with the diversity of flowers. You had some excellent word choice here that really helped bring out the image and made the comparisons more personal, more relatable. And better yet, I love how it ends with a bout of self-acceptance and self-worth. It's a beautiful message with a beautiful theme.
The first half flowed really nicely. I like the linebreaks you chose here as they help emphasize each part of the message. My favorite line is probably "And some with beauty / Undiscovered, withered." Very strong word choice here.
I really love the first line here. "High" is an interesting choice, but I loved the idea behind this line. The second one lost me a little. I stumble over it everytime I read it, so it could just be going over my head. I love the third and fourth here though. Beautifully phrased.
I also noticed that punctuation was limited, and that's okay. Poetry doesn't require punctuation, it's really up to the writer if their poetry benefits from it or not. The occasional comma in this case worked just fine for me. However, by the end, there was some comma overload that could be looked at. Even grammatically, they serve no purpose where they're placed, and the break it naturally causes doesn't really do much benefit there a line break wouldn't handle.
I like your piece though. Beautiful imagery, great word choice. Well done!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
I cannot express my grateful since it is the first time I'm getting such thoughtful reviews! You're review was quite helpful. I'd really appreciate if you guide me through about the use of punctuations as I'm a beginner and I fear I'll be making mistakes again.
Gratitude*
A good practice is to simply write out the poem as a proper sentence with no line breaks and see where you would naturally put punctuation in that scenario! If you're struggling with commas or any particulars, I can answer your questions as best I can, but I also know there are helpful articles in the Knowledge Base forum that you can check out too. viewforum.php?f=151
In this poem specifically, there are commas around "when" when it would make more sense to put commas around "with grace," and there is some confusion reading the big about with "high perfection blooms no autumns / no winters befall doom."
You're very welcome, by the way!
YWS is renowned for giving each other constructive reviews to better each other's craft. We're happy to have you with us!
"some with high perfection bloom,
No autumn, no winters befall doom"
About the women who evolve when they strive, and this evolution is knowing their inner strength which makes them unstoppable and courageous and no matter what the conditions, be that fall or cold, it does not cease their progess.
This is really a beautiful poem. Each line short enough to capture attention and powerful enough not to bore. I love the power in the message and the grasping hands of the given title. All I can say is be careful of punctuation inside the poem and the split of each line. The end of line one could use punctuation to put emphasis in the pause rather than leaving it unmarked.
This is the very first time I've become member of a writers community. It gladdens my heart to see how everyone gives a constructive feedback to each other. I will try to improve my style. Thankyou for your review!