She raised three of her fingers.
There were three lost voices, so she thought of listening to every single one.
The first belonged to that of her mind. She tried so hard, yet every word appeared to be a lock to which there was no key.
Captivating her soul, the second voice was that of her lover’s eyes. She immediately changed course and went towards him, yet as she journeys a little bit closer, she came upon the fact that those dazzling eyes were only meant to deceive.
The third one grabbed her by 99% percent. The smooth sound belonged to that of her ambivalent heart. Her pulse raced as she tried to listen to its underlying essence.
She desired to choose her heart above all else, yet she began to realize that it was, and remains to be, the most deceiving of the three mellifluous voices.
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,749 Reviews
This has a lot of meaning. I get that the mind could be deceiving, I've been there, and lovers are deceiving, but I think it was a beautiful twist when you wrote that the heart was the most deceiving of all. This is an inspiring piece of work that holds a lot of truth and I understand how so many branches of love and emotions can fool you. I wish more people could see this because this would open people's eyes to what it means to love and like. It's dangerous, but we succumb to it so easily and I think that's what you're trying to convey right? This is a masterpiece and bless you for writing such an inspiring piece of poetry. You have talent, and I think you do an amazing job at letting it radiate off of your work. Keep up the amazing work!
Thanks for sharing this very enchanting story. Very interesting introduction which draw e reader right into the story. The conclusion reminded me of the many biblical verses which warn us not to trust our heart or our emotions.
The story also caused me to pause and wonder about the meaning of each statement.
What are the specific concepts in her mind that appear to be locked? How are they locked?
How exactly did she detect that the eyes of her lover were only meant to deceive?
What about the heart convinced her that it was the most deceitful?
Suggestions:
Tense
as she [journeyed] a little bit closer, she came
Word economy:
....she realized that....
....word appeared to be a lock without a key.
Thank you so so much for taking time to read my work! Noted
Very good piece. I have never been good with romantic stuff, especially with reviewing it. But you did a good job conveying different thoughts and emotions. Word usage was spot on and the imagery was strong. The themes were very good as well, although one cannot really negatively review something like that as they are so subjective, but you don't have to worry about that!
Thank youuu so so much!! This really means a lot to me %uD83D%uDE0A