The Car

by ItsRainbowInked

Published December 15, 2011


Sleek, shiny, and squeaky
clean, red and white stripes,
the gal is a beauty.
Soapy suds are draining
down the sidewalk concrete.
Her coat is wiped down
and glistens in summer heat.

The inside still smells new
and has that distinct scent
that every man loves
as they'd swiftly slide in
and grab hold on her wheel.
She offers comfort,
and has you leaning back.

She purrs, like a kitten
her engine roars to life
when awoken, like startled
from a sleep slumber.

Some wonder whether
they'd leave their wives
for this girl. They'd laugh
and think against it.

But this one is different.
Inexperienced hands
touch her softly and gently,
like a precious doll.
He treats her with care.
Eyes wash over every detail
that could've make her blush
and make that red dressed coat
pale in comparison.

He's in love with her.

A knowing smile is on
the Old Man's face,
as this girl's beauty
with no limits
as to what men
she captivates.

Calling out the boy's name,
the Old Man tosses the keys.
Hands fumbling to catch them,
and eyes are widening upon
the realization.

A bigger smile had yet to be beat.

"She's yours."

 

Spoiler! :

A/N: Reviews, and especially constructive criticism, are always welcomed. This is something that's a bit different what I usually write. Exploring and expanding my horizons.
Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
AlfredSymon
Review
AlfredSymon wrote a review Review · Dec 17, 2011

Hiya! Vrrroooom!

The car is a great poem! I love the creative word choice and everything!

The first stanza was entertaining, colorful and imaginative! Then you continue it off with this some sort of short adventure that brings us readers into a new scene! Great work on that.

This is my favorite stanza:

She purrs, like a kitten
her engine roars to life
when awoken, like startled
from a sleep slumber.


I like the figurative speech! A contradiction, shall we say! I think you used figurative speech in the whole poem, which is a must in every good writer :)

Keep writing and good luck!
Al

User avatar
ChocoCookie
Review
ChocoCookie wrote a review Review · Dec 15, 2011

This was funny! :P I liked it too. It was different and amazing! Good Job.

This one is the best I loved! (Y)

ItsRainbowInked wrote:She purrs, like a kitten
her engine roars to life
when awoken, like startled
from a sleep slumber.


Funny, true and lovely. <3'

Keep writing! :D

Cookie ^.^

User avatar
NightWriter
Review
NightWriter wrote a review Review · Dec 15, 2011

Sleek, shiny, and squeaky
clean, red and white stripes,
the gal is a beauty.
Soapy suds are draining
down the sidewalk concrete.
Her coat is wiped down
and glistens in summer heat.


This was fantastic, especially. I loved the whole poem, yeah, but this bit is phenomenal.
The flow is really good, easy to read and smooth. I love the discreet bits of repitition.

Well done!

NightWriter x



Everything is a lot of things!
— Hank Green