Like I said this is my second one on this site. I would also like to say am not good at all in English and that with the grammar and that, but I don't think someone should stop writing because of that. Any way to the poem. enjoy.
"War she thought....
no matter where you go,
war always has a way.
to creep into the world,
she thought...
It did not have to be the war
with blood, guns and swords.
It could be a simple yet,
little fight among friends,
to family,
to workers.
No matter where you go
War follows.
That is why it's your job.
To stop this war with yourself
and follow your heart on.
OK well i know tat one is a little odd. But i hope it was good.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi Heart! I'm Kat, and I will review this piece of yours
I'll do line by line grammar and punctuation corrections, and sometimes some meaning or imagery comments.
Line by line (grammar) comments:
- The first line should be like this: War, she thought. If you put her thoughts in italic, there's no need for the quoting (" "). And change the ellipses to a comma.
- You should capitalise the first word on the second line.
- 'a' should be 'its way', in the third line. It sounds much better, dear. Also, switch the period to a comma.
- Oh, so these lines are her thinking. Then do it like this, dear:
'War, she thought,
No matter where you go,
was always finds its way,
to creep into the world,
she thought.
- I have nothing to point out here. This has not a flaw. It's very good, as in grammar, punctuation and meaning. Good job
- So, comma on the end of the first line.
- Don't capitalize war. I believe it was to give emphasis to the word, but it's already very manfully as it is.
- 'With yourself'? That sounds wrong. Try to reword it.
- The last line is beautiful, but I'm not sure if it closes up the poem. It's in some way related to the previous lines, but just after you read a second or third line.
Overall: It was a delightful piece. I actually really enjoyed it. Correct some things, and this will be great! Keep up the good work.
*Kat*