Young Writers Society

There's so much emotion in this! I want more! I really like the premise of it being all about the things you can't achieve and your failures. This poem is definitely not one of the two! I don't have any suggestions since I already love this poem so much. I love the creative choice of not capitalizing the start of the lines. I love how you separated the stanzas. The whole poem is pleasing to look at and really nice to read!
You're doing amazing! Keep it up; I'd really love to read more from you!!
Have a wonderful day/night!

i love this so much. it's absolutely gorgeous. i really resonate with

"a face in front of the screams

that threaten to reveal

all the things I keep hidden

because it feels too real"

if you wrote a poetry book i would read it :3

Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe the amount of emotions you’ve been able to cover in this short poem. I personally love the simplistic style of writing, because, like your poem, you can do just as much with it as you can with flowery prose.
Sometimes I think we should just leave out the flowery prose and focus on what we want our work to represent. This is an amazing example of that. Your words encapsulate what it feels like to be lonely, regret something, hope that dies, and the need to be perfect. I understand the third paragraph fully and I love that you put it out there. It feels a bit less talked about, so I appreciate how unafraid you were to touch on it.
I love that this ended on a high note as well, because while I appreciate raw and sad stories and poems for the message they perceive, I also love to hear about hope and happiness.
I was just wondering maybe saying ‘a place I can’t arrive at’ instead of ‘to’?
Love this so much. Keep writing, I’m begging you! Have a good day/night 🥰😊

Hey there, Sofie here with a short review -

I gotta say, the title really drew me in. I was pleasantly surprised by the many emotions you managed to capture in this poem. There's loneliness and regret captured in the first stanza. Then there is longing and pain in the next two. But what I like the most is that you end on a hopeful, determined note. It's easy to give in to despair, but the last stanza is a reminder to keep going. Persevere, no matter the obstacle.

Thank you for this! Can't wait to read more from you

- Sofia

Hello! This work was very nice and I wanted to leave a quick review!

I love the theme of persistence despite shortcomings/struggle here! I hear that you are a newcomer to this site too, and I am unsure of how much previous experience you have, regardless, this is insightful with a message to think about after finishing up.

It isn’t simply pure angst/negativity just to be “negative” it feels uplifting in the sense that the final line gives a different perspective to the reader once looking again. One thing I noticed that I really liked was the progression.

“A spirit that can break”

When you make it to the second to last sentence, you get,

“Should I then just try?”

Then the last two lines finally deliver the message of perseverance.

The first two blocks of texts are negative, the next two are negative with more and more sparks of positivity added in.

Thank you for the interesting read!