Far away
ghost of the past
but haunting me
still
always
in my dreams
Far away
you
but asking me
to come
again
back to you
Far away
my security
feel helpless
without you
but fear
to be near
Far away
my feelings
don't know
what is inside
what I think
broken
cause of you
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Heyo, Braiden here for a review on Review Day!
Okay, I'll be honest here; this poem was pretty hard to read (as in understand). I got confused because I have a habit if pausing for a second when the line finishes, but in this poem, the lines are so short and rather choppy.
I got the idea of the poem after re-reading it, and I really really liked it, but I think maybe you could look back over this work and rearrange some of the words to make it more flowing and understandable. Just an opinion.
Keep writing!
~Braiden
I really like the poem but I had to re-read it to understand what you were talking about. Keep up the great work.
Hey I'm here to leave you a review.
So to start off as the lines are too short so it was really hard to read and to actually understand the concept of the poem. Hence I think making them longer and adding the appropriate punctuation will help tremendously.
Another slight thing is that I think the second line should be the ghost of my past rather then of the past as it makes it more complete.
Hence I would edit the poem like this, ' Far away is the ghost of my past,
But it keeps on haunting me still.
Always. In my dreams...'
and so on.
I do like the use of repetition it helped set the scene very nicely also I love the ending as it seems the persona came to an understanding or Revelation.
You are a good writer some editing is all you need
~RS
Hey Dogs here to review!
First off, I really liked your poem, but I had to re-read it to understand it.
First I'm going to start off with some nitpicks and errors, then we will go from there. I also have a couple of suggestions for you, but we will do those after the errors.
Nitpicks...
1) I felt as if you could've extended the lines. What you have is okay, but I think it will help the reader to understand if there were extended lines. Like so...
"Far away, Ghost of the past haunting me" Then you can connect to or three lines, and so on, if that makes since.
I had a little trouble understanding this poem at first, because you only have one word in a line, you should extend you lines. That might be just me, but that's how I feel so I'm going to do that as a nitpick/error.
2)
You do not need the "but" because you are talking about the ghost haunting you, the but doesn't make sense, so you just half to take that out, just a minor error.
*By the way if I sound rude or harsh I don't mean to me, so I'm sorry now and in advance."
3) You need some punctuation because without it (periods, commas, ect.) your readers will not know where to pause. Keep that in mind!
Now let's get into the suggestions.
Suggestions
1) In most poems, you will find that people capitalize the first letter of the first word in every line. You do not have to do this you really only have to do it, at the beginning of a sentence, but because it's has short lined, personally I think it looks better with the first letter of the first word in every line is capitalized, but that might just be me. Sorry if that doesn't make sense. You can do what you wish though, it's your poem.
Now onto the good part of the review!
I really liked your poem, there is just those few minor errors you will need to correct!!!
I hope this review helped.
If you have any questions, comments, and/or concerns, please feel free to send me a PM (private message), post something below, or comment on my wall!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs