The Search
Have you ever doubted how much your parents loved you because they yelled at you for doing something really stupid? On a hot summer day in the middle of July, at the age of three, I was the adventures one in my family. My grandma stood outside watering our plants while I played in the freshly cut grass, and my grandpa sat on our old rickety rocking chair on our cobblestone porch at the front of our house. My dad was inside on his computer finishing up some work, while my mom sat quietly on our brown leathered couch next to my favorite weiner dog, Jackson. This story is about how I was lost and then found. I would never doubt my parents would care for me ever again.
After running around in our front yard, I thought I heard my parents say that we were going for a walk. Being the one in the family with a photographic memory, I knew the location to my stroller. So I got up and somehow walked into the garage without either of my grandparents noticing my absence. I walked through the dark, cold garage back to my stroller. I then hopped in my stroller, buckled myself in, and sat there happily waiting for my parents.
It took about half an hour before my grandparents noticed my absence and they panicked. After telling my parents they did not know where I was, they ran around looking for me. First, my father ran to the backyard and scavenged through the barn and plants. He said that he could feel the adrenaline rushing through him as he sprinted all around while Jackson sat there with the most confused look on his face as to what my father was doing. After searching the backyard, he decided to see if I was anywhere across or down the street. My father went from door to door to ask our neighbors if they had seen me. They all responded with no. My father could feel all the adrenaline inside him beginning to heat up and now he was headed back to the house to call 911. By the time my father had returned it had already been about an hour and I was still missing.
When my father entered the house, my mother and grandmother had already made at least several missing child posters. My grandfather helped them as well while he prepared the truck so they could be ready to leave and post signs to search for me. The whole time my mother had been in tears while my sister at the age of only two months slept soundly in bed without a clue of what was happening. My father was the first out the door, but then he heard some type of voice at the back of the garage. He decided to investigate, and to his utter shock, I sat there in my stroller, staring up at him with one of the biggest smiles on my face and then I asked, “So when do we leave?”
My father picked me up and carried me back inside the house where I was swarmed by the rest of my family who were glad that I was safe. After setting me down they harshly scolded me and being a kid, I couldn’t take all the screaming so I started crying. My parents then picked me up and set me in my room, where I fell asleep, and left with a sigh of relief that I was safe.
This story shows a lesson to most kids (and even teenagers) that your parents still care for you no matter how many stupid things you do. Even if you smash a lamp, accidently crash your home computer, or step on your siblings favorite toy and break it, your parents still care for you and how you live your life.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
I think this story could be longer and you could be more detailed to catch the attention of the readers.You could explain some parts of the whole situation/story deeper? I do not know.This shows and expresses a situation every kid or a older person who was once a kid like that can relate to!I do not think you have any typos or anything like grammar errors which is a positive mark!Your story shows well how parents care for their kids.
Overall,good job!
Hey there Ironwriter37. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
1. Length
In my reviews I usually go on some long rant about length and plot, but today I am only going to go off on a wild tangent for the plot. Considering that this was an antidote, it would most likely not be shortened or lengthened. I think you might want to spread the paragraphs out a bit and ask your family for more details. That way, even though it probably was, everything wouldn't feel as rushed to the reader. I was trying to enjoy the story, but it was over almost immediately because you were trying to rush the reader along an show them the real time(I guess?).
2. Spelling and Grammar
I couldn't find anything as far as grammar, spelling, and typos. You checked out clean here. Onto the next category.
3. Questions
So, sometime in your life your parents retold you this story. The part is really obvious to me. If you are going to give me another answer then let me ask this. How did you know what they were doing, if you were sitting in your stroller the whole time?
Were you being serious in this line or was it just a form of humor.
4. Paragraph Comments
Your little conclusion paragraph at the bottom doesn't really match the rest of the story.
This was well thought out and well meaning but frankly it makes little sense. In the first sentence you aim for kids and then separate the teens. I would have thought this was geared towards teenagers. It's usually the teen phase when kids get rebelious and we go through the "I hate my parents/My parents don't love me time".
The examples you give are different from the story. There the child is breaking a physical object, while you didn't do anything "wrong" necessarily.
5. Well, that's about all I have for today. PM if you have any questions about my review.
Happy Pi Day!
-lizzy
Great story! The message is definitely something people of all ages can relate to, and I like how you chose to represent your message. I can just imagine how worried your parents must have been! You had great adjectives and word choice, but I do believe there are a couple things you could change. You had great sentences, but in two or three sentences you had a comma instead of a semicolon or added an unnecessary word. If you fixed those few mistakes, your story would be almost perfect! You did a really good job!