Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
The hangar was bustling, the temporary setting having been established. Not a single space was to be seen empty.
James caught sight of Dr. Hendrix and Sergeant Major Conrad. As soon as Conrad and James made eye contact, the Marine stood up and marched over to Captain Hunter.
Captain Hunter waited for Conrad to approach. Once Conrad was in front of him, he snapped to attention.
Captain Hunter spoke, “Sergeant Major, what brainless oaf made that decision?”
Conrad flashed a toothy grin and responded, “A now-former desk jockey. The rank is new. Rear Admiral Jackson said if I was going to serve under you again, I had to be a Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO).”
James couldn't help but let out a chuckle at Conrad's response, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "Well, congratulations are in order then, Sergeant Major," he said, his tone a mix of amusement and respect. "Seems like Rear Admiral Jackson knows what she's doing. An NCO position suits you."
Conrad's expression softened into one of genuine pride. "Thank you, sir. It's an honor to serve under you again, especially in these circumstances," he replied, his posture still rigidly at attention, yet there was a warmth in his eyes that spoke volumes of his loyalty and dedication.
James observed the hangar around them, noting the flurry of activity as personnel moved about, setting up equipment and coordinating efforts. "Looks like we have a lot of work ahead of us," he commented, his gaze briefly meeting Conrad's.
"Yes, sir. The crew is ready and waiting for your orders. We're all eager to see what the future holds with the new tech and advancements," Conrad replied, his tone indicating a readiness to face whatever challenges lay ahead.
James offered a smile of acknowledgement to Sergeant Major Conrad. "Back to your seat, it looks like we're about to start," he said.
Like clockwork, a calm but stern voice echoed over the sound system, "Okay, everyone, the ceremony is about to begin. Everyone back to your seats, eyes front."
The hangar fell quiet, and all eyes turned forward. In front of the hangar doors, a stage had been erected. An older man, his hair more salt than pepper, with a square jaw and a tall, proud stance, stepped onto the stage. He was immaculate in his dress uniform, adorned with gold braid, ribbons, and medals. He was the epitome of a seasoned leader, embodying years of service and dedication. This was Admiral Stone.
As Admiral Stone approached the podium, the air was filled with a sense of anticipation. His presence commanded attention, and it was clear that this ceremony was a significant event, not just a formality but a moment of importance in their journey. The crew, along with James and Conrad, waited in respectful silence for the proceedings to begin, understanding that this event marked a new chapter in their mission and possibly a turning point in their careers.
Admiral Stone cleared his throat and spoke into the mic, his commanding voice amplified throughout the hangar. “Ladies and gentlemen, enlisted men and women, officers and junior officers, I am Admiral Stone. As the rumor mill has correctly informed you, I am here to unveil a new addition to the United Earth Navy’s fleet. This vessel is not just any ship; it represents a first-of-its-kind technology that could theoretically turn the tide of any battle.” The old man chuckled “and i mean that”
He paused, ensuring he had the undivided attention of everyone present. “With state-of-the-art engines and reactors, we have new FTL technology allowing us to travel faster and deeper into the unknown expanses of space.”
He spoke in a mockingly slow tone, "But Stone, what about the weapons? Just give me a moment. I'm old and a little slow." The crowd chuckled at the Admiral's self-deprecating humor, playfully implying he wasn't fit for duty.
"The young lady," he continued with a twinkle in his eye, "sports a Quad-barrel main gun that can fire slugs capable of collectively punching through five feet of Titanium A. But that's not all she brings to bear; oh no, she has over one hundred Howler rocket..." He paused, giving a wicked grin, "...pods."
The crowd momentarily lost its composure. Over one hundred pods – that's a staggering seven per each – the collective armament was unprecedented.
"She will tear apart anything foolish enough to challenge her," he added with confidence. "And that's all I'm willing to disclose about her capabilities."
As his words sank in, a murmur spread through the crowd like wildfire. The thought of a weapon capable of penetrating five feet of Titanium A, coupled with the overwhelming number of Howler rocket pods, was astounding. The crowd was abuzz with excitement and awe at the sheer power and technological advancement of the vessel.
With a palpable sense of pride in his voice, Admiral Stone made the grand announcement, "I am pleased to present..." Just then, the hangar doors began to slide open dramatically, setting the stage for the moment everyone had been waiting for.
As the doors parted, a massive and striking Mako-class Corvette swung into view and landed gracefully, sending a powerful shockwave of air billowing into the hangar. The vessel, measuring an impressive 300 meters from tip to stern, was a sight to behold.
Admiral Stone resumed his speech amidst the awe of the audience, "It is my great honor to present the U.S.S. Valorant." The name of the ship echoed through the hangar, symbolizing not just a remarkable feat of engineering but also the hope and strength it represented for their fleet.
The U.S.S. Valorant, with its formidable presence and cutting-edge technology, stood as a testament to the advancements and capabilities of the United Earth Navy. Its unveiling was not just a mere ceremony; it was a declaration of their readiness and determination to face whatever challenges lay ahead. The crew and officers present felt a surge of pride and anticipation, eager to witness the capabilities of this new addition to their arsenal.
Admiral Stone continued, his voice resonating with a blend of solemnity and admiration. "Two and a half years ago, he and a good portion of his crew were rescued. Captain Hunter was literally at death's door, surviving a cranial shot”
The crowd listened intently, aware of the gravity of the situation Stone was recounting. "The crew that survived the evacuation of the Maxwell were held as POWs. After their rescue, they were given the option to retire. Remarkably, two-thirds of them chose to remain in service. Nearly all of those brave men and women are in this crowd today, ready to serve under their captain once again, ready to journey into the howling dark."
Admiral Stone's words painted a vivid picture of the crew's bravery and dedication. "They are warriors; they have no fear," he asserted, his statement reinforcing the unyielding spirit of the crew.
“I end with this note,” Stone said with a firm tone, “two and a half years ago, they blackened our eye and then bloodied our nose. The Valorant will be like a 21st-century nuclear submarine, and just as intimidating as stepping on a diamondback rattler."
Admiral Stone's voice carried a firm resolution as he continued, "We didn't seek war, but it was thrust upon us. We extended offers of peace, trade, and free commerce, a hand of coexistence. But the Graicrix," his voice hardened with disdain as he pronounced the name, "they chose the path of war. The USS Valorant stands more than ready to respond to their aggression… tenfold."
He paused, letting the weight of his declaration resonate with the audience. The room was charged with a mixture of determination and solemn understanding of the reality they faced.
"Now," Stone transitioned, his tone shifting to one of respect and admiration, "I hand over the stage to the man of the hour, Captain James Michael Hunter. Against all odds, he’s still with us and ready to lead once more."
As Stone concluded his speech, the crowd's anticipation grew palpable. They waited eagerly to hear from Captain Hunter, a man whose survival and resilience had become a beacon of hope and inspiration.
James stood up from his seat, rubbing his head as if to gather his thoughts, and made his way to the podium. The expression on his face was unmistakable - a mix of apprehension and wry humor, as if thinking to himself, “How am I supposed to follow that?”
As he approached the podium, the crowd's eyes were fixed on him, their anticipation palpable. Despite the tough act to follow, there was an air of respect and expectation. Everyone was eager to hear from the captain who had survived against all odds and was now set to lead this groundbreaking vessel.
James took a moment, collecting himself before addressing the crowd. His journey to this moment had been filled with trials and tribulations, and yet here he was, ready to embark on yet another significant chapter in his life. His first words would set the tone for his command and for the path that lay ahead for the USS Valorant and its crew.
James began, his voice steady yet tinged with a hint of humility, “I’m not exactly sure how to follow that. Admiral Stone is an inspiration to us all. But I understand you want to know about the man who took a shot to the head and lived.”
Just then, a voice from the crowd interjected, “More like, do you plan on surrendering this ship too?” The question hung in the air, palpable and challenging.
James paused for a moment, absorbing the weight of the question, then continued, “Let’s rip that band-aid off right now. The Maxwell was not a top-secret vessel. There was nothing cutting-edge about it. It was a run-of-the-mill frigate. And when I offered a surrender, she was scrap. If you remember, she then blew up on her own. Surrendering myself to the enemy was the only way I saw to save the lives of my crew.”
His voice carried a firm conviction as he spoke, “Do whatever saves the most lives, period. In my book, that is non-negotiable.” He scanned the audience, his gaze steady and unwavering. “With a ship like the USS Valorant, capable of radically changing the tide of any battle, the stakes are higher than ever. I would die before I let it fall into enemy hands.”
James's demeanor, as he stood before the crowd, was a testament to his deep sense of duty and commitment. "Leadership starts with two simple words: 'Follow me.' I have seen and engaged in front-line combat. I will never ask a subordinate to do anything I wouldn’t do myself. As an officer, I have the responsibility to lead young people who have enlisted straight out of school, those who haven’t yet experienced much of life. I’ve sent people under my command into situations that could have very well cost them their lives. But the potential lives saved and the value of our missions have always outweigh the risks."
He paused, giving the audience a moment to absorb the gravity of his words. “And I have to live with the consequences of those decisions. The sacrifices made, the lives affected – they all weigh heavily on me. But these are decisions I stand by. Leadership is more than just about strategy and giving orders; it’s about carrying the responsibility for every life under my command and for every action we undertake. That’s a burden I accept with honor and seriousness.”
He continued, his voice resonating with a blend of resolve and introspection, “Especially now, with the USS Valorant under my command. This ship represents not just our technological advancement but our renewed commitment to protect and serve. With the Valorant, we have a new opportunity, a new frontier to explore and defend. And I promise to lead with the same dedication and resolve as I always have.”
James surveyed the crowd, his gaze encompassing the faces of his crew, both old and new. With a sense of solemnity and pride, he concluded his speech, addressing them directly.
"Crew of the Valorant, and the former crew of the Maxwell," he began, his voice resonating with heartfelt sincerity, "it would be an honor and a privilege to have you follow me once again."
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 7 RIPpedPoints:
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Took a bit of a break but I am back for more ^^
It’s riddled with repetitions, both obvious and subtle. First of all, there’s Conrad, who’s mentioned 3 times by name in 3 sentences. *shudders* Then we also get to have it described 3 times that he’s coming to Hunter in 3 different ways. Think abt how to phrase this differently pls :3And we are going straight into the nitpicks. What a wonderful afternoon to complain abt small things =D
This sequence here:
Ah if you are going out of your way to write it like this: “I had to be a Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO)” why not also explain what the difference is in narration? Between an NCO and a …regular CO? Commit to the bit!
Ah well, I think the entire ship showing and talking abt her capabilities etc is probably how it’s done but it’s still super cringe to my sensibilities ^^° Especially, since I have no clue what all of this means so I’m just getting “this can kill better than anything before” and ah well, I am not that fond of war [the sequence is fine and fitting. Just bc I am not a fan, doesn’t mean it needs changing, moving on]
Maybe it would rly help if we knew why mankind needs this type of ship? We don’t know what kinda conflict we are in and what we need this for. Yes, James’ backstories shows we’re at war with something but there is no further mention of it. Hm I guess that is what makes this so… gun-wanky. Like, what are we even fighting? How desperate is our sit? We know nothing!
Alright, in the next part of the speech we get all this information. Feels too late for me.
And idk but I’m always super wary when sci-fi humans (or… normal humans I suppose) are convinced their enemy is pure evil and cannot be reasoned with. Here is bigger ship, go forth and devastate. Especially, especially when this comes from someone in the military.
Hmm I also feel like you still didn’t quite commit to James’ POV but you are too close to slip into omniscient. So we’re left with awkward phrasings like “The expression on his face was unmistakable” etc. Because surely, this being James’ POV, he shouldn’t quite know if his expression is unmistakable. Instead he should know what kinda expression he’s aiming for and hoping it comes across.
What? “More like, do you plan on surrendering this ship too?” ok, time to rise up to defend my boy James here but there was literally nothing he could do and the ship exploded? He didn’t surrender! He lied abt the state the ship was in and then managed to escape (and was captured for his troubles anyway). Wtf is the official record for this incident???
Good that he also brings that up! But wish he didn’t have to bring up the lives of the crew. It sounds to me that anyone who would level this accusation at him has probably no regard for human lives.
Well, I assume the Valorant also comes with emergency self-destruction measures in case of imminent capture, huh? At least Legion should know something which she can activate with James’ permission?
That’s a nice thing to hear: “ I will never ask a subordinate to do anything I wouldn’t do myself.”
Hmm feels more like a transition chapter, this one.
Hello hello! I saw this was in the Green Room so I've popped by for a quick review. I did a super quick scan of the previous chapters to try and get an idea of the vibe and characters but I'm going to focus on the pacing/development of this particular chapter rather than the novel as a whole.
I like this description to set the scene for the speech. Bustling is an excellent word to describe how busy it is. Maybe you could add something in about the sound so that it really reinforces how busy it is.
How does he know they've been informed already? Is he just assuming or is he sure? Also make sure to capitalise that I
I think the speech is a really good way of giving information that's crucial to the story, and making sure that everyone there is on the same page. Having said that, I did find it a bit of a heavy information dump. I think because I'm seeing the scene in a kind of passive way - I'm not connecting with the characters because I feel like an observer rather than being involved in the scene. Are there any characters that you could include their reactions rather than the generalised audience? That might help with connection to the chapter.
The end of the chapter is a really good call to action, and exactly what I would expect of someone in this situation trying to bring everyone along with him. I wonder if everyone feels inspired and motivated to follow him after this?
See you for chapter seven!
Icy
Hello friend!
I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.
Per my interpretation, this was an amazing addition to your novel! It picked up where the last chapter left off and revealed a lot of very important background information about the mission that is to take place.
Admiral Stone is giving a speech to reveal the new U.S.S. Valorant, and through this speech, he talks about how unmatched and strong the ship is before inviting James, the soon-to-be captain of the ship, to speak. When James comes to the stage, he is forced to reconcile with his upsetting past and ends up making a promise to the people that he will not be able to keep.
This did a great job of tying in with the rest of the novel and giving us information that helped make the story make more sense!
If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be a really small thing that's probably not an actual issue, but I just couldn't figure it out. But when Admiral Stone was talking about the weapons, you said,
This felt a little confusing to me because the way it is worded kind of makes it seem like the crowd was "playfully implying he wasn't fit for duty," when in reality it was the Admiral implying that. So maybe change it to look something more like this:
Just to clear up that confusion a little bit.
But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.
If I had to pick my favorite part, just like the last chapters, I wouldn't be able to narrow it down to just one thing! You do so many wonderful things when you write!
The first thing that I really liked was the way you described Admiral Stone. More specifically, the way you described his hair. You said,
This was a really unique way to show that someone's hair is turning gray, and I just thought it was worth a mention! I've never seen anyone describe hair like that, and I genuinely thought it was really cool, so kudos to you for that!
The next thing that caught my eye was the bit of irony you added when Admiral Stone was talking about the U.S.S. Valorant. You said,
The fact that we know what happens to the ship later on is quite comical and very ironic because there's all of this buildup for the ship just for it to get completely smashed a little later. And the fact that we already know what happens and the people in the story don't kind of feels like I'm in on a secret, and I love it!
Tying into the irony thing, another thing I enjoyed was when James was talking about the Maxwell and how he wouldn't surrender the U.S.S. Valorant like he did with the Maxwell. He said,
He says all of this, making a promise to all of the people in the crowd, but this is exactly what he ends up doing, and the ship ends up in the same beat-up condition, with the crew fleeing for safety.
I thought these last two quotes were really great ways to bring the whole story together. It's all starting to merge and make more sense while showing what led up to the giant crash landing. You did a great job showing all of this information in a way that's very digestible and easy to understand, so good job with all of that!
Many great things happened in this chapter!
Overall, I had a lot of fun reading this and felt like I learned a lot of valuable information about the events that are taking place in this novel! You wrote this really well, and I'm seriously looking forward to the next chapter!
Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!
Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!