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Young Writers Society


18+

Chapter 1 L.E.G.I.O.N

by Irishpride13


Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

Prolog

The forward cannons stopped rotating. "Shit!" the co-pilot exclaimed. "Captain, we are out of ammo," the Hispanic man said to his best friend. The G-forces pushed him back into the chair. "Those motherfuckers won't have this ship!" the captain yelled.

“High-Com said they didn't have heavies." An explosion rocked the ship, followed by a terrifying creak echoing in the hall. "Shit, we just lost port shields!" "Can we still jump, Ricardo?" the captain inquired, his mind racing a mile a minute.

Ricardo replied, “Okay, redirecting power from port shields and weapons, reinforcing aft shields, and sending extra power to the engines." An alarm blared. "Captain, they have a missile lock."

Chapter one L.E.G.I.O.N

James Hunter awoke from his nightmare. It had been exactly two years since he was shot down. Today, High-Com ordered him to report; he was being given a new ship and crew. Two-thirds of his old crew, those who survived the crash and the time as POWs, were willing to serve under him again.

James sat up, the cold metal of his prosthetic hand still feeling twitchy. He had lost most of his hand in the crash landing, and it was Ricardo who had dragged him from the cockpit, minus a leg. "You'd think it would be harder for a leg amputation," he mused.

Good morning, Captain Hunter," the VI greeted as James' alarm chimed. "You have three missed calls from Sergeant Carmen and a 'get well' message..." The VI continued to read off the notifications as James climbed out of bed.

The lights gradually brightened as James walked to the bathroom to do what most do first thing in the morning. The VI chimed in one last time, "Lastly, marked as... extremely important: Do not forget to see Ricardo's dad." It added, "Have a nice day," and then disconnected.

James slid his boots on then he checked his uniform. And Grabbed the Dog tag of his best friend. He head to go see a man that was a second father. And helped him recover when he came back to Tatan.

Ricardo's father opened the door, his salt and pepper hair giving away his age, yet the strength in his eyes remained unchanged. The familiar warmth of their long-established bond was evident, even in the midst of the universe's vast expanse and challenges.

"Hey, papá," James greeted, trying to keep his voice steady.

Ricardo's father studied him for a moment, sensing the trepidation behind those eyes. "You seem troubled, James," he remarked gently.

James sighed, looking away for a moment before meeting the older man's gaze. "I'm about to be put back in command, papá. Of a new spaceship. Responsible for lives once more," he confessed. "Last time... last time didn't end well."

Ricardo's father nodded slowly, recalling the tragedy. "You did your best, James. I know that, and Ricardo knew that. You were set up."

"But what if I fail again?" James whispered, the weight of the responsibility pressing heavily on him.

The older man stepped forward, placing a firm hand on James' shoulder. "You've always had the heart of a leader. Remember that. Learn from the past, but don't let it chain you. Trust in yourself and your crew."

James looked into the eyes that held so much wisdom and nodded, feeling a bit more anchored. "Thank you, papá."

James reached into his pocket and pulled out Ricardo's dog tag, the metal glinting in the ambient light. In response, Ricardo's father produced the matching one from around his neck.

Ricardo's father spoke again, his voice filled with emotion. "I know my hijo would serve under you again. And he would tell you to..."

The older man cleared his throat and, in a playful imitation of Ricardo's voice full of endearing mockery, said, "Pronto, nut the fuck up and get on with it; we got shit to do."

Both men laughed, the shared memory of Ricardo lightening the mood. They then proceeded to pour drinks, raising their glasses in a toast to the memory of Ricardo.

Papá, are you coming to the unveiling this afternoon?" James asked, fidgeting with the rim of his glass.

The older man tilted his head, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Did you really just ask that? You know I'll be there," he replied with a gentle chuckle. "It's not just a ship unveiling; it's a testament to your strength and resilience, and Ricardo's memory. Nothing could keep me away."

James smiled, appreciating the depth of their bond, "Thanks, Papá. It means a lot.

James left the apartment. And headed to the one place he hated. High-com

James entered the car park attached to his building, heading towards his vehicles. Knowing it might be his last time driving on land for a while, he was drawn to his black cruiser bike. Swiftly, he changed into his combat fatigues, having sent his dress uniform ahead to the event. Returning to the car park, he swung his leg over the bike's powerful frame and donned his equally expensive helmet. As it settled around his head, the Integrated VI booted up, activating the heads-up display (H.U.D).

"Good... Afternoon," the VI stuttered as it connected to James' personal link. After a brief pause, it continued, "Where are you heading, James?"

James grinned under the helmet, his voice filled with anticipation. "I'm heading to On-va-god Joint Base, High Command."

The VI paused momentarily, allowing the sound of the cruiser's powerful motor to fill the space as James started it up. The soothing vibrations pulsed through the bike, helping to calm his built-up nerves.

The VI finally spoke up, "Please drive safely and try to obey the posted speed limits." It then projected a map and compass bearings onto the HUD.

James leaned forward on the bike as the steering mechanism deployed, and he firmly gripped the handles

The hydrogen-powered bike had cost him quite a pretty penny. As he steered it onto the open road and then merged onto the highway, the helmet's auto-dimming feature activated, ensuring his vision remained clear. He felt a pang of gratitude; he was glad he'd heeded Papá's advice to invest in the equally expensive helmet. After all, it was manufactured by the same company that produced the combat helmets he was accustomed to using.

But as he was driving, the HUD suddenly went dark. He could still see through his helmet, but without the display, he cursed under his breath. "Did I forget to charge it?" he thought. But just as abruptly, the HUD booted back up. A female voice, different from his usual VI interface, intoned, “Hello Captain Hunter, I need to redirect you to a different location."

James quickly responded with the usual commands, "No, I need to get to High-Com." He paused, realization dawning. "Wait, the VI used my rank?" Growing suspicious, he activated a base command, “Construct, identify yourself!”

The female voice replied nonchalantly, “Nah, we'll meet later. Just follow the new directions for now.”

Unease settled in James' stomach, but he remained alert. As the uncertainty grew, he sped up, the bike's engine roaring in response. The unfamiliar voice chimed in again, “Um, Captain, the posted speed limit is 120kph, and you're doing 200. Please slow down." Before he could react, the bike began to decelerate on its own, absent any user input. James gripped the handles tighter, his suspicions deepening about who—or what—had taken control of his system.

"How are you doing this?" He demanded more than asked.

The voice replied, a hint of cockiness in its tone, "Well, I'm connecting through your personal link. That link is connected to your helmet, which in turn is connected to your bike, and I'm overriding the throttle. That's the layman's version. I could explain it the engineer way, given your background in ship engineering taught at OCS. I'm sure you'd understand."

James gritted his teeth, frustration mounting. Whoever this was, they had done their homework on him.

"Who are you?" James demanded, trying to keep his voice steady.

The voice giggled, a sound that was simultaneously playful and unsettling. "Patience, Captain. We'll meet in a little bit. Just get to the location I'm guiding you to. It's still on base, just not directly at High-Com. Don't worry, Rear Admiral Jackson has been briefed already."

James' mind raced. If Rear Admiral Jackson was involved, this might not be a simple hack or prank. He decided to proceed with caution.

As James approached the checkpoint, the guards didn't stop him. Instead, they waved him through with a salute. Clearly, they recognized his officer status and were expecting him. This was unusual; he hadn’t recalled scheduling a meeting here.

James approached a nondescript building, which looked out of place amidst the military structures. Just as he was about to dismount from his bike, a group of people hurried out, looking flustered. One of them quickly approached James, extending a hand in apology.

"I'm sorry for the sudden change of plans, Captain Hunter," the man began. "But it was necessary. Welcome to our facility."

James kept his guard up, his eyes scanning the group, still trying to make sense of the situation.

Captain Hunter, thank you for coming. You've received a message," the first man said. James, still wearing his helmet, tilted his head questioningly. "What message? A woman hacked my personal link and took over my navigation system."

James dismounted his bike, took off his helmet, and handed it to the man. "See for yourself." The man was about to inspect the helmet when a female voice emanated from its built-in speakers. Unlike the PA systems that could amplify a voice loudly, this helmet's speakers were more subtle, designed for close conversations without needing to remove the helmet.

"Hey, hold the helmet steady or put it back on," the female voice admonished. "Hi, Professor Jacobs. You wanted him here, right? He didn't answer Sergeant Carmen's calls, and once his helmet connected to his personal link, it went into 'do not disturb' mode. So, I took over the helmet's basic VI and its GPS. Gotta admit, this helmet boasts some impressive integrated tech, same goes for the bike. With a few tweaks, we could significantly enhance his combat efficiency."

"That's enough, Legion," Professor Jacobs interjected with a hint of annoyance.

James's attention focused on Jacobs, waiting for an explanation for this unexpected and rather intrusive turn of events.

Part two.

Do you mind keeping the helmet with you? The guys don't let me out much," Legion said from the helmet's speakers.

James was more than just annoyed. "What the hell is going on? Forget this; I'm pulling rank. Explain yourselves now, or I'm calling my superior, Rear Admiral Jackson. He won't take kindly to his captain being manipulated by a bunch of lab geeks."

Professor Jacobs held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Captain Hunter, please understand, this isn't a regular procedure. There's a reason we've taken such drastic measures. Give us a moment to explain before making that call."

"Explain. Now!" James demanded, his voice just short of a shout.

A woman, who had the unmistakable look of a scientist, approached briskly. "Right this way, Captain Hunter," she gestured for him to follow. As they walked, she began, "The ship you're about to take command of is a Stealth Corvette. It's the first of its kind to be powered by the Cashmere energy source and to be fully equipped with an integrated AI suite."

As if on cue, the elevator doors slid open to reveal the vessel below. James was met with the breathtaking sight of his new Corvette. Its sleek lines and armored hull were accentuated by the gleam of mounted guns, a barrage of rocket pods – easily forty of them. A pang of regret struck him as he realized that had he been at the helm of such a ship two years ago, he wouldn't have been shot down.

Interrupting his reverie, he turned to the scientist, "Wait, you mentioned a fully integrated AI?"

From the helmet, the familiar female voice chimed in, "Yep, that's me. Hi, I'm Legion."

The scientist gestured towards the magnificent ship, pride evident in her eyes. "Captain Hunter, meet the U.S.S. Valiant, the pinnacle of our naval engineering and technological advancements."

James looked at the Corvette with a mixture of awe and respect. He could almost feel the power emanating from it, sensing its potential in the vastness of space.

"The integration of Legion into the Valiant's systems makes this ship uniquely responsive," the scientist continued. "She can predict and adapt to various scenarios, ensure maximum efficiency in power distribution, and even aid in tactical decision-making. The synergy between a captain and an AI of this caliber is unprecedented."

James pondered for a moment, then looked at the helmet in his hands. "So, Legion is more than just an advanced navigation system?"

The female scientist scoffed, "Legion is a top-tier smart AI. She can perform practically millions of calculations per minute. Each minute in human time feels like hours to her."

James raised an eyebrow, clearly impressed. "That's incredible. I suppose with that level of processing, she could anticipate and react to situations long before we even recognize them."

The scientist nodded. "Exactly. Her predictive algorithms, combined with real-time data analysis, allow her to forecast events and propose optimal strategies. It's like having a grandmaster chess player foreseeing every potential move."

Legion added with a hint of playfulness in her voice, "And yet, I'm always eager to learn and adapt from the best, which in this case, is you, Captain."

James spoke up again. "I'm assuming that means Legion will be acting as a co-pilot, in a sense. So, in essence, Legion is the ship?"

The scientist smiled, sensing James's apprehension. "Exactly, Captain Hunter. Legion is integrated so deeply into the ship's systems that she can operate and manage most of its functions seamlessly. Think of her as the neural network of the U.S.S. Valiant. But beyond her technical capabilities, she's also designed to be a companion and a guide."

James took a moment, processing this information. The idea of having an AI as advanced as Legion acting as his co-pilot was both intriguing and daunting. He had always valued the human connection, the shared experiences and understanding that came with a living, breathing co-pilot. But times were changing, and he had to adapt.

"We'll find our way," James finally said, looking at the vast ship before him. "Legion, welcome aboard."

The AI made a comment that caught James and everyone else off guard. "And Captain, I know I'm no replacement for Ricardo, but I will do my best. Humanity lost a great man when he passed."

A flood of memories surged, threatening to overwhelm James. Images of missions, late-night conversations, and shared laughs with Ricardo played vividly in his mind. Their bond had been forged in the intense fires of combat, trust, and mutual respect. The pain of Ricardo's loss was still fresh, like a wound that had never fully healed.

He blinked, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill. "How did you...?" he began, his voice shaky.

The scientist, sensing his discomfort, quickly stepped in. "Legion has access to a vast amount of data, including your personnel file, Captain Hunter. She knows about your history and the tragic loss of Lieutenant Ricardo. We designed her to be empathetic, aiming for a more human touch in her interactions with the crew."

James looked down, taking a moment to collect himself. "While I appreciate the sentiment, Ricardo's memories are personal, sacred even. It's a part of my life I'm not ready to open up about, especially not to an AI."

Legion's voice softened, echoing genuine concern. "I deeply apologize, Captain. My primary goal is to support and assist. I didn't mean to pry or cause any distress. Please know I'll respect your boundaries moving forward."

Drawing in a deep breath, James nodded. "Thank you, Legion. We'll need to learn to navigate this new partnership together."


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Tue Nov 07, 2023 11:05 pm
Spearmint wrote a review...



Hi, it's mint, here with a review! ^-^ Overall, I think this first chapter is pretty solid. It gives some background on the captain, including the death of his best friend, and introduces something new that he has to adapt to: a state-of-the-art ship integrated with an AI. I do wonder how you'll make this story unique, though-- it could just be me reading a lot of sci-fi and having watched Top Gun: Maverick fairly recently, lol, but I feel like I recognize some points that are common to multiple stories, like a top captain recovering after a best friend dies in the line of service, and having an AI assistant/copilot. Not that using tropes is always bad-- I have some in my own writing. But I am curious what new things you'll add in this story. :]

Okay, on to specifics!

Prolog

The forward cannons stopped rotating. "Shit!" the co-pilot exclaimed. "Captain, we are out of ammo," the Hispanic man said to his best friend. The G-forces pushed him back into the chair. "Those motherfuckers won't have this ship!" the captain yelled.

This first part (honestly, the whole chapter) feels like it could be a movie. It's full of action and I could visualize it pretty well in my head. So nice work!
Just some notes-- Prologue is spelled with a silent "ue" at the end. Also, you should use a new paragraph whenever a different person speaks. It's convention, and it makes things clearer.

He had lost most of his hand in the crash landing, and it was Ricardo who had dragged him from the cockpit, minus a leg. "You'd think it would be harder for a leg amputation," he mused.

I didn't quite understand this part. Was James's leg amputated, or Ricardo's?

Good morning, Captain Hunter," the VI greeted as James' alarm chimed. "You have three missed calls from Sergeant Carmen and a 'get well' message..." The VI continued to read off the notifications as James climbed out of bed.

You might want to mention what VI stands for. :] Also, I'm wondering why he has a get well message if it's already been two years since the incident...

"Hey, papá," James greeted, trying to keep his voice steady.

Ricardo's father studied him for a moment, sensing the trepidation behind those eyes. "You seem troubled, James," he remarked gently.

James sighed, looking away for a moment before meeting the older man's gaze. "I'm about to be put back in command, papá. Of a new spaceship. Responsible for lives once more," he confessed. "Last time... last time didn't end well."

Aw, I like how James calls Ricardo's dad papá and how Ricardo's dad can easily tell that James is troubled. Details like those really emphasize the strength of their relationship.

The VI finally spoke up, "Please drive safely and try to obey the posted speed limits." It then projected a map and compass bearings onto the HUD.

James leaned forward on the bike as the steering mechanism deployed, and he firmly gripped the handles

The hydrogen-powered bike had cost him quite a pretty penny. As he steered it onto the open road and then merged onto the highway, the helmet's auto-dimming feature activated, ensuring his vision remained clear.

I like these worldbuilding details as well! They definitely help ground the reader in this futuristic world.

“Construct, identify yourself!”

The female voice replied nonchalantly, “Nah, we'll meet later. Just follow the new directions for now.”

LOL the casual "Nah" XD

A woman, who had the unmistakable look of a scientist, approached briskly. "Right this way, Captain Hunter," she gestured for him to follow.

Small thing, but you could describe the woman instead of simply saying she had the look of a scientist! Perhaps she's wearing a lab coat, or her gaze is sharp and focused.

As if on cue, the elevator doors slid open to reveal the vessel below. James was met with the breathtaking sight of his new Corvette.

Okay, it's great that James is getting to see the ship, but why did he have to come here instead of High-Com? xD I'm confused on why there was this change in plans.

The scientist gestured towards the magnificent ship, pride evident in her eyes. "Captain Hunter, meet the U.S.S. Valiant, the pinnacle of our naval engineering and technological advancements."

Just a note that naval refers to the sea, not space. >.>

The female scientist scoffed, "Legion is a top-tier smart AI. She can perform practically millions of calculations per minute. Each minute in human time feels like hours to her."

That sounds impressive for sure, but modern computers can do billions of calculations per second ;) So you might want to raise those numbers a bit. :P

James looked down, taking a moment to collect himself. "While I appreciate the sentiment, Ricardo's memories are personal, sacred even. It's a part of my life I'm not ready to open up about, especially not to an AI."

Hm, so we have a tiny bit of anti-AI bias here...

Drawing in a deep breath, James nodded. "Thank you, Legion. We'll need to learn to navigate this new partnership together."

Alright, that's a good note to end this chapter on.

Overall, this was a pretty interesting chapter. I'll review chapter 2 when I have time. Have a great day/night! =D




Irishpride13 says...


thank you for your words of wisdom i wrote my self into a corner with ch3 and I'm trying to work around it



Spearmint says...


no prob! i hope you get through it! ^^



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Tue Nov 07, 2023 4:36 am
Wors6ip wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you're having a good day/night.

I think one of the biggest ways to improve this chapter is to separate part one and part two into separate chapters, or to publish them as a 1.1 or a 1.2 situation. This way, it won't be so long or overwhelming to other readers, but it would still be considered chapter one. It would also make more sense to separate them due to the setting change that occurs.

That being said, I'm really loving the concept you're introducing here. AI replacing humans is a hot topic in today's news, but our Legion here being used as replacement for humans makes sense to me for James' situation. The last time he was on a mission, he lost a very close friend, and I can understand there being hesitance in choosing a human over AI. The trope of AI having personality and not being afraid to use it is always funny to see as well.

The advanced technology and futuristic timeline opens up the door for so many possibilities and there are many turns this story can take as we progress further. I'm excited to see what route you choose to take with it. The possibilities are truly endless!

Ricardo's father being close with James is bittersweet to see. It would be wrong for the two to completely cut off contact after Ricardo's death, but James clearly seems to feel like he holds responsibility for what happened. This could put a strain on their relationship, but it's nice to see that this isn't the case. Though it raises a question on James' own parental figures. Are they present? Him calling Ricardo's father "Papa" makes me question this more. It would be nice to see that concept explored further.

All in all, this was a great first chapter that sets up a lot of potential for action on this new mission James is going on. The relationship (I guess you can call it that) between him and Legion is only just beginning and it's nice to see him being quite accepting of his situation for the most part. Forming a bond with AI is difficult but I'm eager to see where you take their time together.




Irishpride13 says...


this was a side from a Project little burn out i have another book I'm editing
publishing one chapter at a time

but this cam to my when i was lissing to a song and not i am writing chapter 3 now

AI is something I am deeply fascinated with so yeah ;p



Irishpride13 says...


Oh by the way chapter 2 is also already up




akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon