I'm caged inside
I cannot fly
But desperately I dream inside
Secretly I take a peak of the world outside
I try to take a flying leap
But am slammed against a wall
I look upon my cage and find a secret hall
As I walk away I notice not at all
The secret of my past stay hidden in those walls
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hello Tuesday here for a review!
seems a little better as as it gives a sense of understanding and a pause for a the reader.To begin, I liked the message inside this poem. It also reminds me of a bird, being stuck behind a cage trying to escape also the title seemed to grab my attention of this poem. Also mostly the feeling you have in here. When a reader is reading a poem, they want to feel what the poet was writing or feeling.
Besides all of this, we should go to the nitpicks.
First and foremost, read your poem aloud. It would be easier to figure out what needs to be changed since sometimes, it is better for the author to pick out mistakes.
Also put some lines into their own stanzas (of course, you don't have to do this; just a suggestion). For example,
You also repeat the word inside . It just seems to mug up the meaning of the poem and I would say try finding a better word for inside (like I said, you can keep it; just a suggestion).
From the context of the last line, you try to escape but thrown against a wall. However change one thing, am to was since it seems am is like I am without the I (if that makes sense).
Separate into different stanzas to make an easy reading. Also add an s after stay, since it also uses personification and tense wise.
This little stanza seems a little chunky to me. Read it aloud and find what seems to be the problem. Mostly I think it is that it doesn't need to be there, since it drags the ending instead of wanting the reader to read more.
Overall, this is a lovely poem you have here. I enjoyed the little messages of it, trying to escape from the bulling that was forces you into a cage of guilt. I enjoy the metaphor of this poem as well.
Keep up the good work!
Tuesday
Hello!
(I love a great title, it's the first thing your readers see when reading it! 
) Anyway, besides what our fabulous fellow writer hermione315 said, I just have one little nitpick.
That's all. Divide it up into sections, and I think it will be a little bit easier to read. Something like this-
Thought some shorter poems will be fine without any stanzas. 
(this one may too... 
)
Keep up the great work!
I really like the title of this, and that's pretty much why I decided to come and review!
Stanzas.
"I'm caged inside
I cannot fly
But desperately I dream inside
~
I try to take a flying leap
But I am slammed against a wall
I look upon my cage and find a secret hall"
Or something...
Other than that, I really enjoyed this!
~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc.
Stay awesome!
Hello! Hermione here for a short review! This poem has a sweet message to it. It's positive, optimistic, and inspirational, which is the kind of poetry I love to read. Now, here are a few points I think you could improve on to make your poem even better.
Not all poems have to have punctuation, but I do think you should have punctuated this. Punctuation has it perks. It shows the reader where to pause and take a breath, and it can even be used artistically or for dramatic effect. I really think it would help your poem, and that it's something you should consider playing around with.
I think you mean 'peek' instead of peak. Peek means to look and peak is the top of a mountain.
This isn't proper grammar. You should reword this line to say, "But slam against a wall".
Here you don't have subject-verb agreement. Your subject is singular and your verb is plural, so you need to switch one or the other to make it make sense. This is what it would look like:
"The secrets of my past stay hidden in those walls"
or
"The secret of my past stays hidden in those walls"
Which one you use depends on the message you are trying to convey. Personally, I think you should use the first way because it makes more sense to me.
The rhyming is a bit odd in this poem. In my opinion, a poem should either have a clear rhyme scheme that it follows or not rhyme at all. This one doesn't do either. I would recommend rewriting this to give it a clear rhyme scheme or taking out the rhymes. I suppose that's a matter of personal preference, though.
Anyways, I think this needs a little work, but it's a really great start. This poem's message was very uplifting. Keep writing!
Oh, and welcome to YWS!!! I hope you enjoy your time here! If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask me.
Thanks for the constructive criticism this is my first poem so yes it is gonna be sketchy but thanks for helping me. I will remember this while writing another poem! Thanks a lot!