What do you see, looking into my eyes
What do you see, looking into my soul
An angel? A devil? A confused little girl?
Who do you see, when you look at me?
When you're with me, what are you thinking about me?
Do you think I'm okay?
Or do you think I'm insane?
Sometimes I wonder, why I never feel okay
Why I never feel wanted, I always feel so alone
Do you like me? Do you hate me? Do you envy me? Do you love me?
Do you ever wonder what it would be like,
If you could take one day and be me?
Would you think differently about me
Would you continue to judge me?
Would you silently walk away, walk right out of my life?
If you could feel the pain, that I keep hidden inside me
Would you torment me, would you tease me
Would you still say things about me
That you know aren't even true
If you could look into my mind
See into my past
Would you continue to hurt me
Like you've always done, like you probably always will?
Would you fear me? Would you be scared
To even be around me?
Or would you look in the mirror
And ask yourself what have you done?
Would you think twice about all the pain
That you've caused me in my life?
Would you take back all those nasty things you said
While you pretended to be my true friend?
When all the while behind my back, you were stabbing me with your knife
Cutting deep into my soul
Breaking me more than I already am
Would you wonder why you did
Everything you've done
Maybe you'd think a little more
About all the people that you're hurting
By pretending to be their friend
And then stabbing them in the back
Or would you continue to be selfish
To think only of yourself
Never thinking twice about what you say
Never thinking of the consequences of your actions
Or the pain you're causing for others
While you're just pretending
To be everybody's friend
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It's a very nice emotional piece.
The first stanza and the use of questions and repetition works well. The questions draw the reader in while the repetition helps to build and then reiterate a point.
Here there are two many questions all clumped together on a line. Spreading them over two, or maybe leaving one out would be effective.
Very nice questioning, makes me wonder what has been done. It also creates a lot of ambiguity around this person, while giving us a feel for what that persons personality might be like.
Nice use of imagery, I think that you could consider breaking that first line at "behind my back" so that it flows more easily.
I think that you shouldn't repeat the "stabbing them in the back", it detracts from the passion and image that was created earlier.
It is a very good poem, from an emotional standpoint and when you consider the depth of emotion in the poem. It doesn't seem to have any real meaning besides displaying the emotional hurt and anguish - which is very good, but makes it harder for readers to relate to because it all about someone else and doesn't relate to those reading it (unless they've experienced the same hurt, and while most of us have/will we don't always want to read about it)
That said, it is a great piece.