I can feel something inside me
scratching the surface beating me down
I'm breathing for air what have I done
I'm lost and alone again and I'm scared
I wont ever be the same again
Now that I've finally been beaten down
Once and for all
I can taste these salty tears on my lips
Falling from my eyes
Don't tell me that I'm just a broken little girl
I'm not like everyone else you've ever met
I'm different from the rest
I don't thrive on being amused by
Other people's pain I'm not that way
Don't lie to me and tell me everything's okay
I know that you're just saying that to make me feel
Better but it wont help me because I'm
Too far gone now and I'm broken down I just can't
Find a reason to stay in love with you
I'm broken down now and I just can't find
A reason to stay in love with you
But you're everything that I ever wanted
Everything I ever needed but I find myself gasping for air
Again and I'm falling faster into this emptiness that I feel
Consuming me everything that I was and ever thought to be is
A dream that I can't pursue anymore because
I thought I could find myself a new life with you but I was wrong
You don't know me and I never asked you to
Do the things you did for me so why do you make it
All seem like it was my fault like I was the one pushing you around
It was never like that and you know it so why not show it
Just admit that you were wrong in breaking me
And making me feel insignificant again
I don't want to hide anymore
Please don't make me hide anymore because I still love you
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was good.
I think it could have flowed better though as it was a bit jumpy. Maybe having shorter sentences, but longer stanzas would work better, or simply play around with the layout and order more.
I loved this:
The last line would be even better if it was broken into two parts, so that it was read more dramatically.
Please don't make me hide anymore,
because I still love you.
Do you see what I mean?
Great work,
Keep it up,
Alainna
xxxxxxx