Give me wings and teach me how to fly
Never go outside without saying goodbye
Because you never know when it is here
I mean the end of the day, is always near
So don't be so hard to your loved ones
And stay true to yourself
Because tomorrow, maybe comes
But stay focused, listen to your other half
It let our hearts speak, it makes us weak
So let each other know, that we are worth it so
Don't be afraid and let your problems go.
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139,787 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hi!
You have some strong lines in this poem - the last two were my absolute favorites. Anyway, time for the review!
Just a little bit on the rhythm and flow here - the phrase "I mean" kind of interrupts it, and it's not really necessary. I once wrote in a review that poems were more of fragments of thoughts instead of full sentences. If you write more in fragments, and maybe leave a little mystery in it so the reader can interpret what you mean by the poem. All of that to say this: I would just take out "I mean". It would make it flow nicer, and it's kind of just extra information anyway to say "I mean".
This little bit kind of confuses me - if I were to write it as a part in a short story (with complete sentences,) it would look something like this: "So don't be hard on your loved ones, and stay true to yourself. Because maybe will tomorrow come, but you still need to stay focused; listen to your other half."
First, I didn't really see what being hard to your loved ones had to to do with staying true to yourself. Second, I wasn't quite sure what you meant by "listen to your other half". It has the potential to be great, I just think you should expand upon it a little more.
Other Suggestions:
Your title is "Stay True to Yourself". I only saw this phrase, or something that had to do with staying true to yourself about twice. Instead, I saw more of "letting go of your problems, don't worry". Your title should be close to the main theme of the poem - and I just didn't feel this one fit.. Though this is just my personal preference as a reader.
Anyway, like I mentioned before - this has the potential to be a good poem! The idea, although not original, is very nice. Staying true to yourself is an idea that is overused, but I still like it. Try putting your own spin on the theme! Keep writing!!
~Snazz Pizzazz
(Welcome to YWS!
I really enjoyed this piece. It has a very wise tone to it, like you know from experience that all of these things work. You are speaking to the reader in a non- patronizing and demeaning way, but as if you are them. That is important, because if the reader feels like you are above and are speaking down to them, the message of the poem won't come across. Your piece was well punctuated and capitalized and had a great message. Nothing negative to say except maybe to make it longer!