What if I was Blind?

by Innergy
  • December 23, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Realistic · Other
What if I could only feel

The sweet comfort of your soft and tender thighs, as they whisper a sensual sound telling me not to worry?

What if I could only hear

The wounded screams of a passionate body, as they weep sorrow and warmhearted pleas of regret?

What if I could only taste

The salty tears of pain, as they splash upon the surface of my injured tongue and provide waves of sympathy?

What if I could only smell

The burning flesh of innocence, as the beautiful souls of those weeping victims cry out one more chance?


What if I could only breahe

One more breath of life into those evil bodies of people with no heart and no feelings, would they be human again?

What if I was Blind?
Comments & reviews · 3
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foreverfree Review
foreverfree wrote a review · Sun Dec 23, 2012 5:49 am

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I really LOVE THIS but I have a couple of things to review...
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1. Put in more detail. Like, about the monster part.

2. Put in a space in between each line. like for example:
What if I could only feel?

What if I could only hear the screams and weeping sounds?

Like that...

3. Nothing Else
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I really really liked this but you should edit it a teeny tiny bit more...ok? Hope I helped.

~Free~

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silverfin713
Review
silverfin713 wrote a review · Sun Dec 23, 2012 5:11 am

I really enjoyed this. The way each line is a question really gives it a certain punch that I like. The imagery is quite dark and haunting, but well written. To me, this poem has a sort of "ignorance is bliss" theme that really gets me. I love the ending too, about the daughter's skin and the son's baseball game, because it really contrasts from the earlier graphic descriptions. Coupled with the last line "What if I was Blind?" makes for a powerful ending. All in all, this poem really made me think. Thanks for sharing!



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