Young Writers Society

Hello there Innergy! ^^

How are you doing on this beautiful day? =) I will try my best to give you a good and helpful review here.

Before we get into the poem itself, I need you to change the format of this to actually make it look like a poem. A lot of people won't bother reading something when you haven't used the enter button at least once.

It will look a lot better and attracting like this:

Your good looks encouraged me to grow up,
I was an immature girl.
Beauty parlors were never my thing
but I went to them just to look beautiful for you.

You made me melt like chocolate on a hot tongue.
Bubble baths were never my thing,
but I took them every night to smell lovely for you.

I was suicidal, but I saw life when I saw you.
As soon as your presence was felt,
I felt that it was too good to be true.
And when you saw me, you felt the same way too.

Now that you're my husband, you always call me crazy.
I admit that I am crazy...
Crazy over you

Hey there Innergy! Dogs here with your review today. Ok so this is a good piece of work you got going on here. It's cute, it's adorable, and it's predictable. I knew exactly what was going to happen after I read the title and the first sentence. That should be a major major red flag to you as a writer if the reader is predicting whats going to happen once they have barely started reading. In a piece like this I want to see a twist, something I would never expect. It's like you listening to your friends tell the same story all the time, it gets boring and you're thinking to your self (I've heard this before...). Put a little pizzaz into this! Throw some glitter on it! Or, if you want to keep it with the same plot line that's ok, however... if you do do this you have to put in much more imaginative descriptions. You do it wonderfully with the "chocolate melting on a hot tongue." I as a reader want to see more of that style of writing in this piece, something that will paint a picture and make me feel how your character feels. I think this piece is a great start and has plenty of potential. If you have any more questions feel free to shoot me a PM. Keep up the good work!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh