Tears and sweat
I don't know when yet.
Questions need answering
answers need questioning.
I don't know whats happening.
I bow like a sapling.
This is not the me that I know.
People have tried to change me
people have failed yet again.
But the blows that are struck
get kinda stuck
I cant help but writhe in pain.
Struck in the heart
bleeding to death,
I lie on the floor and wait.
I hope that you come
I trust that you will.
Don't let me down
They have come for the kill.
I need a white knight on a horse.
I love you as much as is possible for me.
I will always love you, Blessed Be.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
thx guys i know it doesn't flow well but i was streesed to the max when i wrote it I'm suprised it doest just say khgkfdhgksghiughdfgh.
i don't have any criticism except for one line, 'I bow like a sapling', really drags on the flow and makes us stop and go 'what?' looking for a reference. Eventually you get it, but it's not readily available inside my head. *lol* I thought it was quite good.
Very powerful...:considers plagiarism:,lol--jk.
Anyway, this poem didn't flow very well in some parts. For instance,
Should probably just be taken out all the way, or added to the last stanza,
Would probably be better as simply,
"I love you as much as possible,"
Unless, that is, you wanted to make it very clear that you rhymed.
Also, the title itself, should probably be changed. Maybe to, "As Much as Possible"? "My life for now!!!" just sounds like a wannabe Nickolodean (however you spell it) Sunday night drama.
love it I really do... nothing to say sorry!!!
wu x