Everyday is a constant battle to stay strong. People don't seem to realize how much their words and actions hurt. They aren't there when tears are falling down off of my cheeks, and my chest beating up and down. All I have to do is grab my blade, and the pain will be temporarily gone. It's a struggle not grabbing the blade, it use to feel so good against my skin. I was able to forget everything going on around me, and I felt accepted. There were even times when I thought society would be better if I were dead. It's weird but the blade was my way of coping with life, and staying alive. The blade doesn't give you hope, it makes you feel twice as worst as before. You find yourself becoming addicted to cutting yourself, and it causes scars that will last.
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141,311 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
Hey, I'm just going to leave a little review
It is a good story, to start off with. You could lengthen it because it is only a long paragraph and you could definitely make it longer and worth the whole amount of points it cost. So,lemme get started
It is a good start. However, it is extremely short and undetailed. You are using a lot generalized and often-used words. Extend vocabulary and detail. Maybe describe the words society used against you(Unless you haven't experienced any of it and are just trying to try something new, I don't judge) Anyway, yea. Just try and lengthen, put a bit more effort towards it.
Describe the feeling, the feeling of the blood trailing down your skin. Make it horrifying as you describe watching the scars deepen, watch as you pul that blade down your arm or across your wrist. Let the blood fall to the floor or desperately coat your walls with it. Describe what it is to feel so abused and forlong, so unhappy and desperate.
Anyway, i must go now. I can review more if you write more. Just shoot me a PM if you want
P.S. If you ever need help dealing with this, I am open.
This is generally an interesting and thought-provoking short story. I especially liked how you start the story in medias res, grabbing the reader instantly into your issue.
That being said, I think it was a bit short and could use some more work for its potential. The formatting is tiring and unattractive and the grammatical errors takes focus away from the story.
I think your writing has great potential, but could need some processing before getting published.
~ Malthe
Thanks
I believe that scars are just stories in disguise. It may feel like a hopeless battle now, but one day you will look back at those scars and realise they're just a memory. As someone who is going through depression, anxiety and paranoia, I know what it's like to want to hurt myself take my mind away from things, but you have to stay strong. You're doing really great, trust me.
Anyway, here's the writer side coming out. You should break up this paragraph a bit, and develop on your ideas a bit. Sometimes it's nice to just let all your thoughts out onto paper, since it can really help with clearing the mind.
Keep strong, my friend, you're not alone in this world, there are plenty of others who are here to help you.
I like these sort of short stories because they let me know that I'm not alone too. If you need someone to talk to, let me know, because I'm here and I care.
~ Lee
Very deep and thought provoking. I could tell a lot of emotion went into this.
Couple suggestions...
Try spacing out the lines and make some stanzas. I think it could flow and wouldn't appear to be just jumbled together.
Also at the end -
There were even times when I thought society would be better if I were dead. It's weird but the blade was my way of coping with life, and staying alive. The blade doesn't give you hope, it makes you feel twice as worst as before.
I like everything you're saying there, but I think there should be some sort of transition between 'It's weird but the blade was my way...' and 'The blade doesn't give you hope...'
Maybe something about realizing why you shouldn't grab the blade, or what stops you from doing it?
Overall I really enjoyed it