Her chestnut curls bounce as she walks on the cobblestones.The only sound tonight is the hollow click of her heels on the street. She conceals a dagger in her corset, the hilt disquised as an opal brooch. From beneath her cloak, her piercing orange eyes are hungry for revenge.
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140,227 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
The tone, vocab, and level of information seems appropriate. When you write, I want to know WHY. Why are you writing this? What do you hope to accomplish? What main message or impression do you want your reader to carry away. Figuring this out helps you select the right approach. I did like the general idea. You started this piece in an interesting way. Your words added color and you wrote with conviction. My catchphrase is "Express, don't impress." Keep that in mind
I liked how this piece was concrete and specific. You used strong verbs. Good job. This was interesting to read. Please continue.
Thank you for the review!
Hey there!
Even though this is only 3 lines, it's wonderfully intriguing. I personally think you should continue this story - I mean, it might have been just an image that popped into your head - I have those too, but I really think this has potential!
So, to help you - I suggest to try describing scenery. Where is this girl? Where is she going? Maybe feed us a little of why she wants to kill someone?
Also, 'orange' eyes are a little unnatural (of course, if she isn't human, then that's fine - I see this has been filed under Fantasy), but often glaring eyes are red, bloodshot etc. That replacement may be a little more effective.
Overall, it is creepy, it's intriguing and I really enjoyed it! You chose your words well. Another thing I may suggest is maybe making some words rhyme? Repetitiveness and creepiness work well together, in my opinion!
Keep up the great work, and I hope I helped somehow!
~polinka
Thanks for reviewing it! This is a little snippet of the prologue in a book I had an idea for. I will definitely keep working on it- after, of course, I finish the book I'm writing right now!