The somber tone of midnight,
the gusting winds send chills down every beings' spine.
An ebony sky without a star in sight.
Vacant park swings creak back and forth,
the haunting whispers echo.
Eyes gleamed from tree hollows,
as the wind wailed between distorted trunks.
The trees stood utterly still as if they were statues,
in a living museum, where no leaf dared to fall.
A noticeably frightful night, the type of night people would hide in their houses,
just to avoid being seen.
The kind of night that made a daydream appear like a nightmare,
and a nightmare appear like eternity.
A night as dark as the bleak loneliness of depression's gloom.
So intensely dark and spiritless, it made graveyards look alive.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hi! I'm EmoChikXoX
Firstly, wow... just wow... the description you have used is AMAZING! I'm drawn in from the first line, I like how you have described everything (especially the trees!). The way you have described the sky is particularly good, "An ebony sky without a star in sight".
I really do get a feeling of suspense, and I am curious as to what is going to happen. I like where you have decided to finish off the poem, in a way it leaves you on a cliff hanger. You sit there wondering what is going to run out of the "frightful night".
You are an AWSOME poet, and definitely need to keep writing in this genre. I personally like that this style of writing, and I would love to read some more of your work!
Keep it up! and keep posting!
~EmoChikXoX
Hello! It's been a while since I wrote a review, so here I go!
First of all, I'll have to say that you should add more rhythm and flow even if it's a narrative. The message you were trying get across was not very clear either. The italics are pretty unnecessary too.
The second line seems... too long and too forced. Since it is too long, it breaks the flow.
Second line again.
The first line doesn't make sense. I believe deleting, "in the distance" would fix it, unless you have other ideas.
"Glimmered" doesn't fit the second line. Maybe "gleamed", "shimmered", or "glowed" would fit nicer.
The first and second line connect to much.
Perhaps, "The trees stood utterly still as if they were statues,
living in a museum, where no leaf dares to fall." would work better, but you are the poet.
Even so, it does seem rather too forced again.
Hmm, these are probably two of the best lines I've read in this poem.
I understood the first line, but the second line had me confused. Also, you should change it to, "making nightmares appear like eternity", the change the last word.
The second line should make the poem end in a grander way, instead of making it seem like it's not finished just yet. Otherwise, it's fine.
I liked the vocabulary, and your unique sense of description. Keep writing!
thanks it's not a finished piece anyways, but your review was helpful.
Hi Deleted12 for a quick review..!
So..I liked most of this poem....I liked how it quickly switched from different scene's cuz that is good because it is more entertaining to read!
And, also, the title was nice-and the poem was a very capturing poem too!
I liked the descriptive words and this poem seems as if it was very well thought and the work as has certainly been paid off, because this was a really good poem!
My favorite part was the first line because I liked the, ''In the somber tones of midnight.''
So...yeh....
Hope to see more of your poems soon! Happy writing!
I really like this poetry
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For me.. well.. just for me, it is indeed deep
The way you portrayed the night is somewhat, frightening but in a way that it says how much it should be.
But i kinda dont get two parts...
the part where it says. "the gusting winds send chills, down every beings' spine" and "The trees stood utterly still, as if they were statues"
I understood only partly of this and im not really sure of what im doing since this is the first time im actually reviewing someone's work
But all i can say is that when i read this, i could picture what was written and i could feel what it possesses