Young Writers Society

Hi I'm Candrew. Wow, that was really good. It took you five minutes to write that? That would have taken me like five hours to write that. what I want to know is what inspired you to write that? Was it from a dark part of you that needs to come out or did you see a movie, television show, or something to that matter. Not trying to creep you out or anything it's just that was good and I would like to know what inspired that story. It was awesome. I hope I can have the privilege of reading more of your stories.

YOU WROTE THIS IN FIVE MINUTES?!
However much time it took to write this, I don't care because it was great! It was very quick but you gave so much information that it turned out well! And it's different, and original; I would have never thought of old an woman commiting suicide. The way you make the reader get inside the characters mind is priceless. It's also really suspenseful. I kept waiting for what would happen next, and I had to read the part about the gun not working at first over again because I thought it was going to work.

Hi. This is good. Actually, it's excellent for something written in five minutes(!), but other than that it was not especially remarkable. But then, nobody should expect to write a masterpiece in five minutes!

Death is a very interesting topic for a story. In fact, if you were to ask J.R.R. Tolkien (when he was still around), he would tell you that all stories are ultimately about death. This story is about making the decision to die - actually, it isn't, it's about having second thoughts over the decision already made - but what about the experience of death itself? Your representation of what a violent death looks (or, rather, sounds) like is somewhat suitable from the perspective of anyone other than the person being killed, but this is an introspective piece, from the perspective of the suicidal old lady. Have you considered whether 'BANG!' is actually the best way to represent this person's death?

There is a story, 'Bullet in the Brain', by a writer called Tobias Wolff, about a man who gets shot in the head. The entire second half of the story - which is a few pages long - is about the man's experience of being shot in the head (not the aftermath - he dies almost immediately, but that fraction of a second provides his brain enough time to experience something other than 'BANG!'). I'm not saying you should copy this story or any other, but it's worth considering what sorts of things you could do to make your story more interesting.

this is a nice horror story...........i loved it. your work is fab. this short story reminded my creation when i was 15..."berculious and the magical flame"..........watever.....past is past. but you had done good job. your writing style is good and quite good approach as well.

the dialogues in between are nice............quite touchy.

overall good. keep it up.

Hello Industrio! I'm Griff, here for a review!

I'm just gonna gush praises here. For having been written in 5 minutes, this is pretty darn good! Despite it being so short, I found this story really appealing. Normally I would tell someone to elaborate on it, to make it longer, but no. This was the perfect length! It moved the story along, while still giving enough description and background info to make it interesting. I actually enjoyed it very much.
I loved the character, really. You described her attitude of hopelessness perfectly. I especially liked how she recounted the number of teeth she had.
The suspense had me on the edge of my seat, especially the part when the trigger didn't pull. Oh gosh!

Overall, I really enjoyed this. As I said, it was well written and timed. Congrats on that.

Keep writing and being amazing!

~GC