z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

why be "Poor at heart rich in wealth"

by IndianAtHeart


Why is this when we don't have it ,

Then we cry.

When we do then we just shun it out like a fly.

They say that greed is bad but also say don't they an always go high.

The world is a bit confusing to a teen like me,

Should I be contented with what I have,

Or should I too run for the first prize.

My heart says just sit down and dream,

But my mind tells that only the rich walk with pride.

But now when I see some rich the way they play their TRUMPet.

I know that being poor in wealth may hurt you when you meet your friend at his marriage  ,

But being poor at heart and rich in wealth may be like a two minute happiness with a life long pain.....

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
257 Reviews

Points: 6130
Reviews: 257

Donate
Wed Dec 16, 2015 2:19 pm
Tuesday wrote a review...



Hello.

I like to say, welcome to YWS! This poems confuses me but entertains me. I suppose it could depend on the reader or something, but the beginning of this, the way you start off doesn't seem to shape the poem as a whole. It seems to be about wanting to be like everyone else in life but only realizing you are yourself.
Also don't capitalize something that isn't important. Greed isn't exactly an important thing that is elementile in life, however it is important in some cultures. I just feel it disrupts the whole poem and doesn't exactly bring the it to itself.

The spacing in this poem seems to bother me a little, which can easily fixed with ctrl+enter. When making the spaces, be sure to pick out the stanzas since a poem without stanzas, is just a story (which there are poems like that).

But now when I see some rich the way they play there TRUMPet,


I think when you capitalize "trump" in "trumpet", I think it goes back to Donald Trump. It doesn't feel quite right in this part, or any part of this poem. Seems intentional but isn't the piece that connects the poem together.
Another thing, the random number two at the end. I would suggest just writing it out since there seems to be no numbers throughout the poem for except there. Maybe writing the word for it. ;)

This could relate to some people, I suppose. It feels a little tight in the middle, and could use some loosen.

Blaspherica






Hello Thank you very much for the review...:-)



User avatar
616 Reviews

Points: 122617
Reviews: 616

Donate
Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:54 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi IndianAtHeart jessiebear hear to review and help you with your work and I hope what I say will be of any help to you and so you can in prove your work so lets be gin with the review.

Okay this is grate I love the poem and it is very creative. But I think may be you should fined another ward for (shun). And this bit ( I know that being poor in wealth may hurt you when you meet your friend at his marriage) it needs a full stop at the end.

But I love the poem so grate job and I hope you will keep on writing because this one is good and it needs a little patching up but that is normal. even I need a review with my work so don't feel bad because it is really good so good job. And I am looking for weird to your next poem.

And I hope I was not rood if I was I am very sorry if I hart your feelings.

So have a good day/night.





It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore