Young Writers Society

Wow, I feel like a rule breaker. 13 years old and read this. *watch out, we got a badass over here*

But actually, it's a little bit humorous. I'm not going to brag about how I understand all of it, that would be... Embarrassing.

Okay, so let's get to the poetry. In the beginning, you began with rhymes, then it slowly faded away. Well, that's weird for me especially since the rhyming was a bit forced in the beginning. I don't see it as a poem as much, because the only thing that makes this a poem for me is the rhyming scheme in the beginning. Well, it's kind of okay, I guess, because there is no basis on what a poem is, actually. A poem can be in any format, structure. All I needed here was more figurative language and whatever.

Also, you could try rephrasing some lines. Or as DiamondForce99 stated, breaking them would be nice because it all seems a mouthful. The rhyme seems to be off in some places too because of this. Plus the ellipsis in the end should be three periods only, if you do care about that. Me though, I don't care about grammar that much but I thought I should point it out.

All in all, I liked the humor. I like humorous poems. This one is probably not for me though. XD So, yeah. Work on this one a bit more and concentrate on the fact that it is a poem and needs to be more poem ish.

That's all, happy writing~

Hello.

Your poem was awesome. First of all, it was quite humorous. Well, when I read the title, I thought it would be something like a love at first sight type of thing. But the content was cool and amusing.

In the last line, though, maybe you meant ''BAIT'' in place of ''BATE''?

Anyway, good job.

Keep writing!

I don't know if this is supposed to be humorous or not but I found it hilarious. Maybe it's because I am a girl. When I read the title I thought it would a soppy love story... I was wrong. The first couple of lines were kind of slow and you were talking about tea. I have a feeling you were really bored to write this.

Realistically I would suggest breaking up the lines and creating stanzas. By doing this readers would see your rhyming better.

I will say no more. Good luck!