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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Really liked this chapter. It seems you're more at ease when you're writing with Judah and Adam. Everything seems more natural in their scenes. Words flow better, and your characters aren't all stiff. Molly's improved a bit, and I do like Thomas alright, but their scenes are still in the 'I have a story in my head and I need to get it down on paper now' phase. they aren't bad, really, they're average. But when you compare them to chapters like this, where everything sounds perfect and flows smoothly, it feels more like the draft that comes before the posting version. So you basically did yourself in by posting something really good.
The others aren't too rough in comparison, though. I mean what I said in my last critique. You just need to rest your eyes and then scan through and smooth things up a bit, which really isn't too hard. A couple combination of sentences here, a couple more words there... not all that much work at all.
This last line:
when I think of putting something up, like the house of mirrors, I think of setting up. Just me, and just a nitpick, but there you've got it. Also, I like how you did the banner for the Mirror House | esuoH rorriM.