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18+ Language Mature Content

The Hate Inside

by InJung15

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

“Oh would you look at that … another one of your great famous screw-ups” A voice talks casually within me.

“What was it this time, the dishes? The garbage? Ooh ooh I know, it was the laundry wasn’t it?” The voice continues , it almost seems like ... he’s enjoying it.

“Leave me alone, not in the mood” I say to myself as a whirlwind of emotions stir inside me, rekindling past experiences of my so-called “mistakes”.

“Oh come on, I'm just messin’ with ya’. It's really hilarious that you still try though” The voice says.

“Wh .. what do you mean?” I ask in curiosity, despite my current mood after getting yet again reprimanded by my parents.

“What I mean is do you really still believe that they, sorry, OUR parents are capable of giving unconditional love? I mean come on!!! You should know by now that as long as you're imperfect they’ll always find a way in the end to hate you” The voice continues in a rather stern tone.

I try to shake it off, focusing back on my tasks, doing what I am expected to do.

“Oh that’s just typical, yeah yeah, try and shut me off, pretend like your parents aren’t doing anything wrong” The voice mocks me sarcastically.

“Seriously dude piss off” I hiss at myself, getting more and more annoyed by the minute, frustrated at the voice inside, as the tears continue to try and force their way out of me. I clench my hand as tight as I can .. wanting to slap myself to shut the voices down again.

“Wow, you’re gonna start hurting yourself again as well? Damn, must’ve been some big pile of laundry you forgot” The voice laughs.

The anger and hatred starts to boil within me, I stand right up, staring at myself in the mirror. “Don’t you fucking dare mock me like that” I shout to myself.

“Then how about you just accept the fucking truth you moron!!” The voice shouts back at me, its mood getting a bit more serious by the minute.

“What truth?!” I shout back in frustration. Just then, my hand raises itself and slaps me hard across the face. I feel so enraged, I want to hurt it back.

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TRUTH I MEAN” The voice shouts in a painful tone. “Just face the truth for fuck’s sake, why can you not just accept the fact that they will never love you unconditionally. You’re nothing but a mere fucking trophy to them, that’s all.

“Who was there for you, hmm? All those nights, when you cried yourself to sleep in the confines of your own fucking bed, when you cried yourself day after day, sure you may have gone to sleep and was able to simply forget about it but I was still here hearing every fucking word again and again and AGAIN!!! Failure, Worthless, Idiot, Psychopath, Sociopath,  Pathetic,  on repeat again and again.” The voice continues its raging argument.

“And what did you do? Oh you couldn't still see that our parents were the issue, so what did you do instead? You blamed yourself, you blamed us, even at times to the point where you thought that you weren’t worthy of your dream of being an athlete” The voice says in frustration, as I still feel the heat radiating off of my cheek that was slapped. 

“YOU FUCKING SWORE TO YOURSELF, to never lose sight of that dream! To hold it tight when things get rough, and countless of times you almost lost it, and I had to stay there every night, holding on to the little faith we had.” The voice continues.

I glance at the mirror, as annoying as the voice may sound, he’s right. I fall onto the bed, in search of some balance. My breath gets heavier and heavier, I can barely say a word , as tears overflow my eyes and drip down onto the blankets.

“Im … I'm sorry” I say to myself, as I turn the lights off, staring numbly off onto the moonlight feeling nothing but emptiness within my chest. The numbness starts to consume me, I can feel it running through my veins, I can’t quite describe the feeling, it's almost, relaxing, like anesthetic. I feel the tears stream uncontrollably down my face.

“I'm sorry I let you down” I say to myself with a tearful, shattered voice, barely close to a whisper.

“I’m sorry”.


Hey everyone!

Long time no see!! 

I'm not sure how familiar you guys are with some of my past writings .. but long story short .. most of my writings are tied into or linked with mental health in some shape or form. This one in particular represents the perspective, typically of a child with foreign parents, especially Asian parents. 

I wanted to kind of represent the thought process that may go on in a child's mind when they are somewhat wrongfully or harshly reprimanded for something as little as forgetting to take the trash .. or forgetting to do the dishes.

Its so horrifyingly sad how many children develop trauma and the fear of failure due to these types of situations. Everyone should understand fully that people are going to make silly mistakes all the time .. and it will be repeated a lot to. 

However, not allowing your kid to fully understand such a concept, that mistakes are okay and its what makes us human, can deeply damage their self-esteem and self-worth. 

Please look out for our fellow young ones ...

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68 Reviews

Points: 209
Reviews: 68

Mon Sep 25, 2023 10:22 pm
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ariah347 wrote a review...

Heyooo! First off, I read this the other day and was going to leave a review/comment. I genuinely thought I did, but since re-reading, I realize I did not! So, here I am again, actually doing the thing, LOL.

Let's go ahead and get to it... I'll start with initial impressions and what I know. The title drew me in immediately (so much that I returned twice!). It's vague enough yet also specific. I initially thought it was going to go exactly where you took it. The internal dialogue and struggle between fighting the demons of hating yourself, compounded with the negativity perceived or genuinely displayed by parents/caretakers/role models/guardians, etc., is this passage's overall focus/theme/centrality. Your focus on mental health is portrayed here with a focus on the representation of a child's reaction to critiques of their parents. It hit me immediately as I grew up with a mother like this. That said, this felt like it was ripped right out of my mind and typed out on YSW. Congrats on capturing that perfectly. I'm unsure if you have any personal experience with this, as sometimes our work reflects direct experiences. Regardless, if you did/do, bravo on writing this in a manner that feels authentic. If you didn't/don't, bravo even more on the ability to replicate an experience that you have no personal ties into. Sometimes, writing about things we don't understand or haven't experienced can come across as ingenuine. It can turn readers away when they sense a disconnect or an inability to relate to what's trying to be conveyed.

In terms of critiques with this, my main focus was on your use of ellipses. There are moments when you used three dots (...) and others of two (..). Also, I felt it was a little overused. There's also some punctuation where commas, periods, etc., are missing. While these did not disrupt the flow of the read, it helps when you are intentional about dialogue, characteristics within the body of work, and grammatical rules. Repetition can be a great tool in any literary work. It is not limited to words and metaphors and can include ellipses, but like other things, it can be when there is too much of something that it can start to detract from the whole thing. One thing I learned in college that applies here and with any writing is to use a voice-to-text tool. When a computer reads something, it reads it without any cadence, following exactly as it is. I know I have a terrible habit of reading my own work sometimes, regardless of what it is (even for work), and we can be blind to our own mistakes or how things may come across when someone else is reading it. This may not help you, or you may not find it useful. Take that as you will!

Overall, I found this to be profound. It hits precisely the target you were aiming for. The most remarkable work, to me, takes you somewhere. It may be to a memory, a wonderland, an emotion, etc. You took me back, unfortunately, in this case! However, I'm happy to say that my relationship with my mother has dramatically improved as I've gotten older. I second your message about looking out for the littles. I'm a teacher of little ones myself (preschool), and that ideal is one I hold dear to my heart daily! Wishing you well wherever you are in the world! <3

InJung15 says...

Hey Ariah,

Thank you so much for taking your time to read and analyse this, it really means a lot:). I was actually shocked to see that a teacher viewed my work haha.

This was actually something I wrote straight off the bat a couple of nights back after my "usual" interactions with my parents, so it will definitely need a lot of polishing.

Thank you so much for sharing and wish you all the best:)

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24 Reviews

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Reviews: 24

Mon Sep 25, 2023 8:15 pm
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envy wrote a review...

internal dialogues are tricky, but i love them anywayyy

youve got an interesting relationship between the voice of doubt & voice of reason here. its a bit tricky to tell who is speaking at times. you might want to try to make it clearer when its the character talking to themselves vs their inner voice chiming in. there is a difference, yes. it might help to sprinkle in some descriptions or actions here & there to give us a better sense of setting.

youve really nailed the rollercoaster of emotions here. its clear that the character is going through frustration & this helps us connect with their struggles. for example the passage ends with the character apologizing to themselves. this could be a turning point for the characters growth or a shift in the story. think about where you can take it from there.

there are a few minor grammar & punctuation things that need fixing, but nothing that cant be sorted with a quick proofread. keep an eye out for ellipses and capitalization. with a little polish & some tweaks for clarity sake, this could be an interesting examination of character.


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547 Reviews

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Reviews: 547

Mon Sep 25, 2023 3:15 pm
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Ventomology wrote a review...

Hey! Stopping by for a quick RevMo review.

Thanks for the little note at the bottom. As a reviewer it's nice to have some clarity on what your intent is with a piece of writing.

I think you do a pretty solid job of accomplishing the goal you set with this work. It's very clear from the dialogue that the narrator struggles with self-esteem stemming from very typical adolescent mistakes. They are self-aware enough to know their parents judgement is a big problem, but still not quite able to internalize that, which is a pretty common place to be at for kids these days, especially as we grow up with more and more access to therapy language.

You accomplished your goal, so I'd call this work a success. Now let's dive into the things you can do to make this even better.

1. I don't think the ellipses are doing you any favors. They really break apart your writing, and could largely be replaced by commas, period stops, or paragraph breaks. I would limit your ellipses to places where you really want to drag out a moment.

2. This piece is really vague in terms of the specific context surrounding the narrator's internal feelings. While I understand the instinct to be vague so that a situation is applicable to anyone, I actually find that it helps a story to really ground it in its setting or context. It doesn't have to be the entire context--I don't think it's a bad decision to never really confirm what mistake the narrator made that led to this incident (the suspense of this actually helps. It could be anything, of any severity, which could sell how out of proportion or unkind the parental reaction is), but I do think having a little bit more description of the room the narrator is in during this, or maybe the method of parental punishment, could help make this feel more real and thought-out.

Last thing: your dialogue tags need some variety. I spotted a lot of shouting (often consecutively), and you have this habit of adding a phrase to the tag to give it more emotion, like "shouted in frustration." It's not a bad thing to use 'said,' or even to do what you're doing with the added phrases, but I would encourage you to add some new techniques to your dialogue options. You can leave out a tag entirely, use 'said,' use a stronger verb, or use a long tag with some additional emotions and actions. Using a variety of tags and tools around your dialogue will keep it from getting repetitive, and actually makes the dialogue feel ore natural.

Hope this helps,

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss