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Lost

by ImmaPerson321


The shell.

Oh what a pretty little sea shell,
Alone on the sandy shore.
Unsure of its purpose,
Other than to sit still, look pretty,
For absolutely nobody.

Alone it sat, being tempted by waves,
Little waves washing it over, never quite moving it closer
To the oceans dark, soothing depths,
Where it can fall adrift and get lost in the calm sea

But will it ever be washed away?
Fate looms over it like a shadow.

Yet suddenly, one day,
After the pretty little shell gave up,
Lost all hope for a meaning, a purpose to its life,
The shadow moved.

It leaned down, scooping the shell up.
Afraid but curious, it felt a little hopeful.
Two large, big bright eyes stared back.

It was fearful of the unknown, but knew it should wait,
And it found out soon enough what this shadow was.
The little child stood, holding the little pretty sea shell up to its face.
A large smile crossed their face.
It looked excited.

The shell was startled,
And the little one took it home.
There it was set upon a shelf, and whenever someone came in,
They marvelled at the little shells beauty.

Every day, someone did.
Someone noticed, and smiled.
It felt a little more love,
A little more appreciation
A little more purpose.

And so the shell stayed there for many years,
Basking in the love it rightfully deserved.
With it's patience, and though it gave up sometimes,
Everything turned out as it should have.

And although soon enough the little child grew,
And people stopped staring as often,
The little sea shell had found its worth,
And it knew now to love itself.

Even when others forgot to, sometimes.

For it realized, finally, how truly beautiful it really is.

~Imma


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13 Reviews


Points: 966
Reviews: 13

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Fri Sep 27, 2019 4:05 pm
riancarthy wrote a review...



Hi @ImmaPerson321, where do I even start?!

This poem is simply beautiful. I absolutely loved the concept and I liked how instead of using a person, you used a sea shell! And you still managed to get the message out perfectly! I also really liked how you went into depth about what you were writing, the descriptive words! I really liked the flow of the poem and it's amazing how you signed off with that nice last line, confirming your concept. You really outdid yourself, I can't even really think of anything to critique. This poem really put a big smile on my face. Definitely one of the better poems I have read in life.
I hope you continue your obvious passion for poetry and never give up! I hope you have a good day or night!
-@riancarthy






Thank you so much! I'm really grateful for any feedback, and that I'm making people smile and feel better. I hope you have a good day/night too!



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544 Reviews


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Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:55 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi! FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day!

Okay let's get to it.

So I couldn't see anything wrong with this poem other than the things everyone else pointed out, but I wont go into them.

I'm going to go ahead and jump right into the good stuff! So I thought the idea for this poem is just amazing, sure you may be using a shell in this poem, but it really does talk to the people that are reading this, just because people don't look at you are anything doesn't mean you are ugly. That is what the real meaning behind this poem, just love yourself, and that is something I have had to learn over the past few years of my life, and it's hard but it is always better in the end, so this poem really touched me, and it will help me except me for me.
I just loved the descriptive words, that along with the flow that was done really well with your punctuation just put this poem on a whole knew scale. And I just loved it.
Everything about this poem just made me feel better, I think it may have been the emotion you have out into this work.

I could go on and on about how this is an amazing poem, but I will stop here to save you from all that, and finish off with this was a really well done peace of work, and I really look forward to more from you, I hope you will never stop writing and post again on YWS! Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

Image






Thanks a bunch. I originally wrote this poem for myself, too. I did it to encourage myself and others to love themselves for who they are more, yes. I'm glad it touched you in a positive light, because that matters to me a lot. I want my creations to help and support and inspire others, as I'm sure many others on here will wish for the same with their works. Thanks again!





Your welcome! That's a really good way to think of your works, I really do look forward to more from you!



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8 Reviews


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Reviews: 8

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Wed Sep 25, 2019 12:43 am
sasha_bumble_bee wrote a review...



UGH, this is a BEAUTIFUL poem!

"And so the shell stayed there for many years,
Basking in the love it rightfully deserved.
With it's patience, and though it gave up sometimes,
Everything turned out as it should have.

And although soon enough the little child grew,
And people stopped staring as often,
The little sea shell had found its worth,
And it knew now to love itself.

Even when others forgot to, sometimes.

For it realized, finally, how truly beautiful it really is."

I'm in love with the fact that you tied in self-love to it, that even though the shell is admired by people, it must learn to love itself as well! It's beautiful, and it's a theme that really should run through more poems and more stories.

"It was fearful of the unknown, but knew it should wait,
And it found out soon enough what this shadow was.
The little child stood, holding the little pretty sea shell up to its face.
A large smile crossed their face.
It looked excited."

In this stanza, I would change "little pretty sea shell" to "pretty little sea shell," as the English language typically recognizes quality-size-noun to be the most accepted order when things are being described. I don't want to reiterate what other people have being saying, so let me end it here with the fact that this was a BEAUTIFUL poem, and I'd love to see more from you!

Lots of love,
Yorrick






Thank you so much! I think I'll just leave it how it is, however I'll keep that in mind for future things (poems most likely) that I write. I'm excited to write more as well, too, so you might see more from me, haha.



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Reviews: 1245

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Mon Sep 23, 2019 12:26 pm
JabberHut wrote a review...



This was such a beautiful piece!

You really brought a lot of emotion and beauty through the eyes of a seashell, and that is just so awesome. The message behind the piece was very clear throughout the entire piece, and I found myself cheering for a seashell? IT WAS AWESOME.

There was one point where it talked about... here:

But will it ever be washed away?
Fate looms over it like a shadow.

Yet suddenly, one day,
After the pretty little shell gave up,
Lost all hope for a meaning, a purpose to its life,
The shadow moved.

It leaned down, scooping the shell up.


You use the word shadow here twice, but the shadow refers to two very different ideas. While I can see an attempt to cleverly use it in two separate meanings, I think it just ends up confusing here. Fate looming over it like a shadow, and then one day, that very shadow moves. But this would also imply the child has been there for days, which wouldn't be the case. So I thought that was a little confusing!

Every day, someone did.
Someone noticed, and smiled.
It felt a little more love,
A little more appreciation
A little more purpose.


I also just really liked this stanza. This is where the piece's message really hit me, and the repetition was fun. So yay!

I enjoyed the piece, and I think you did a really great job with this. :D

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!






Thank you so much! I think what I was going for was that more metaphorically/emotionally Fate was there, and the shell was just feeling its fate weigh on it, that nothing would come out of its life. And then suddenly its fate changed, when a physical shadow moved, indicating the child's presence. Thank you so much though for the helpful critique, I never would have noticed that in the first place! :)




Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won't even know what to do.
— Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, Questionable Content