Young Writers Society

Wow, very enigmatic. I love it.
I just saw your message.
I like the formatting, putting the last word by itself, and making a meta ABBCB formatting with the stanzas instead of the lines.
Which one is praised, did you take the new path, and your heart longs to return to the other? I think I prefer this interpretation, so I’ll roll with it.
Most of your poems have vivid sensory details, and I highly recommend keeping that up, especially when writing something about so broad a topic. It will help us to understand and will unlock in ourselves the feelings that you are trying to express.
Otherwise, excellent work, I love reading from you, Alice.

Hi ImaginativeAlice!
I really love this poem! I love the simplicity and yet the weighted content and ambiguity. This seems to me as a very loss of innocence, end of childhood type poem and I think you do it well. I also think you did a great job with the flow of this poem, it reads very smoothly and you did a great job with rhyming and repetition. One thing I noticed is that you never use punctuation except in the middle stanza. If this is intentional, then by all means keep it, but I think it might be better to have a sense of consistency punctuation wise so maybe add it to the other stanzas or delete it from the middle one. That being said, you did a great job, it's a very well-written work and I look forward to reading your future poems! Good luck and happy writing!

Hi ImaginativeAlice,

Mailice here with a short review!

Back to reviewing and I'll start with your poem. I like it. My first read through gave me the feeling of having a really great piece of work in front of me, that stands out because of the simplicity and design that comes from the choice of words. You create a lasting impression and above all a good opportunity for the reader to make an interpretation.

You manage to set up the poem like a story, in that the first lines are the introduction, and you immediately present the pros and cons in the following paragraphs. I especially like how you manage to make it rhyme in the third paragraph, with a repetition of "it's the path" and "where my", because they are in themselves two completely opposite terms. The first is generality and the second is one's own thinking.

I like the way you've done it with an open ending so that you also give the reader the opportunity to think for themselves and ask themselves that question. I think, above all, the poem represents an ingenious self-reflection, presented here in a simple manner, thus maintaining the effect of being there from beginning to end to confront the reader and interpreter with their own questions, without directly presenting it in the poem.

I'm not directly good at reviewing a poem, so I can't say what exactly needs to be improved. If you want to rewrite it at some point, I think the best thing will probably be to spread the rhymes throughout the poem, thus taking it to a new level.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

Hey Alice!
Hope you're safe and well. I really liked this piece of poetry and I want to tell you a little bit in depth why -- and give you some suggestions that'll (hopefully) spruce up your writing.

So, let's just get into it.

Firstly, the formatting deserves a shout-out. The italic lowercase is kind of cheesy, but it is true that you can never go wrong with that. It is like chocolate ice cream, or your favorite show on Netflix - its the same thing over and over again, and its cheesy and 'basic', but its something you can never go wrong with it.

I really like the premise of the poem being the youthful temptation to follow the dangerous path, and our mind reining us in towards the 'right' path. It ignites my brain as to what is 'right' or what is 'wrong'? And why is that way? It evokes deep thought, which means you've did a fantastic job at weaving your premise into a narrative in poetic form.

I think my only suggestion would be to add a little more complexity to the poem. As it stands, it evokes complex concepts, but it is a little too simple -- and a little too abrupt. I think this narrative is really well-explored and deserves more stanzas.

Anyways, I enjoyed the poem very much, and I hope and wish you keep on creating!

Best Luck,
Saad

I love this poem. It reflects so deeply the inner turmoil when one faces with a crossroads. It also describes the guilt once you've made a wrong choice. The formatting leads the eye down, and the poems mood along with it. This was a great poem. Please keep creating!

There’s always a choice.A safe choice and a dangerous choice.Should we make the safe choice or the dangerous one? Which one is the right one? Which one is the wise one? It all comes down to a choice in the end.We must make a decision.This was very lovely.I enjoyed it very much.Choices and choices.I hope you have a nice day/night.

Interesting poem Alice! It seems like a new take on the poem "The Road not Taken" by Robert Frost. The narrative of the poem is very clear with the narrator choosing between the path of what's been called innocence versus the path that is more mysterious that has been labled "guilty". At the end the reader is left in mystery as to what the speaker ultimately chose, but the speaker's experience of the two paths has changed, now they long with their heart for what their brain knows is wrong.

A few comments to consider -

Consistency in Capitalization
Overall you did a nice job staying consistent to the form you chose with fairly consistent line lengths broken in small phrases centered. The spelling was all accurate. And you stuck with the choice to not punctuate all the way through - the only place of inconsistency that was a little distracting was your capitalization at line-beginnings. There didn't seem to be a rhyme or reason why you capitalized at the beginning of some lines and not at others. I would advocate capitalizing at either just the beginning of every new stanza, or at the beginning of every new sentence rather than at the beginning of some phrases. These are kind of standard "methods" of capitalization -> if you want to learn more about them this is a marvelous article written by my friend @Aley.

Mystery vs Ambiguity
Right now one thing that I'm a little bothered by on the poem is the "not knowing". There are two main mysteries
1) What is behind the "choice of guilt". ie. is it eating 13 boxes of ice cream, is it a new un-supported relationship, is it trying out drugs and alchohol, is it a life of crime, is it breaking some sort of moral qualm, is it violence, etc. the poem doesn't give us any hints at all so it's hard to know what is being alluded to. While the ambiguity allows the reader to put any scenario into the mix it also takes away the opportunity to have empathy for the narrator since we have no clue what is actually being discussed. I'd suggest maybe alluding a little more strongly to what you are talking about. You don't need to spell it out, but slightly more clarity would be beneficial from my perspective.

2) the other mystery is that we don't know what the speaker actually ends up choosing. The road of innocence or the road of guilt. I think this mystery is a bit more interesting, because there are some clues in the end that the reader can try to solve.

^ Ambiguity in poetry can be compelling if given enough clues to make it something for extra reflection, but it can be frustrating if it takes away opportunities for reflection or connection with the content. Hope that differentiation makes sense! It's a hard balance to hit but something worth considering in the future too.

Phrasing
Overall I think a strength of the poem was the direct phrasing, that really got to the point of what was being discussed, the poem was very organized into this particular theme you chose without many interludes that distracted from that theme.

One piece of phrasing I think might be changed up for the better - > in the last stanza maybe using "mind" rather than "brain" for a slightly less medical terminology, that evokes I think more of what you're getting at.

Depth of Image
If you're looking for more opportunities to develop this poem I think drawing out some of the language about the "path" with a bit more imagery on what the metaphorical paths look like could be a great addition.


Overall an enjoyable little poem to read and think about! Most of my review is just reflections, so feel free to use what works and leave what doesn't fit your style. Keep on writing, good to see a poem from you! <3

~ alliyah