See beyond

Hai :3

I really like the intention behind this!! There’s such a clear emotional drive here, and I love that the poem doesn’t settle for “one side has it worse.” Instead, it keeps widening the lens until the real issue becomes visible: not boys vs. girls, but the systems, expectations, and behaviors that hurt everyone differently. That’s such a meaningful message, and I think the directness makes it feel like it would function well as a spoken-word/slam poetry piece.

They say girls have it better.
But are they the ones bleeding every month?
Are they the ones ruining their body for a child?
Are they the ones that get touched without consent?

This opening is really strong because it immediately challenges a dismissive phrase with lived pain ~~ The repetition of “Are they the ones…” gives it this accusatory rhythm, like the speaker is forcing the audience to actually sit with each question instead of brushing it away. I especially think the “touched without consent” line hits hard because it shifts from societal expectations into something deeply personal and violating.

^^^ One thing I’d be careful with is the phrase “ruining their body for a child.” I understand what you mean!! Pregnancy can be painful, dangerous, and permanently life-changing, and people absolutely minimize that. But “ruining” is such a harsh word that it might unintentionally sound like the body is damaged or lesser after birth... Maybe something like “risking their body for a child” or “changing their body for a child” could keep the intensity without making the wording feel too absolute. Some women want to have children yet can't, some women experience child loss or miscarriage, and some just don't want kids!! All are okay!!

I also think you're generalizing nonconsensual encounters as being experienced by solely women; men can be sexually assaulted as well!! The phrasing of "Are they the ones that get touched without consent?" minimizes any experience that a male victim could have gone through. I think you could revisit that idea later on to make it less a debate on who gets assaulted more often.

Are they the ones that deal with “boys will be boys”?
Are they the ones that wear makeup because of the fear of discrimination?
Are they the ones that get backlashed for showing their natural body?

I love how these lines move between public and private pressure. Makeup, body hair, natural appearance, judgment, etc. all connects to the idea that girls are expected to perform femininity but then punished no matter how they perform it. That contradiction is really powerful!! Like, if they wear makeup, they’re “fake,” but if they don’t, they’re “not trying.” If they cover up, they’re modest; if they don’t, they’re blamed. That impossible standard comes through clearly here, and I loved how you didn't back down from the more private parts of life.

But thats not it. They say boys have it better.
But are they the ones with the tight expectation?

I really like this turn!! It prevents the poem from becoming one-sided, and that makes the ending feel more earned. “Tight expectation” is a good phrase because it makes masculinity feel like a restraint, almost like clothing that doesn’t fit but still has to be worn. Boys are expected to be strong, fearless, unemotional, protective, unbreakable ~~ Like, that’s such a suffocating role, even for the speaker who is a woman to be looking in on.

Are they called cringe for having a fear?

Are they the ones who get no help when they’re attacked?

Are they the ones that are punished for being weak?

!!! Very interesting lines here!!

These lines are some of the strongest in the second half. I love that you point out how boys’ pain often gets minimized because people assume masculinity equals invulnerability. “Punished for being weak” is especially effective because it shows that weakness is treated like a failure. That’s really sad, and it fits the poem’s overall argument well; I don't know much of the male experience, but I enjoy how you represent both sides in a way that feels human!!

^^^ I do think the boys’ section could be a little more specific in places. The girls’ section has concrete examples: bleeding, pregnancy, makeup, natural bodies, consent. The boys’ section has strong ideas, but some lines are broader, like “being played” or “discriminated because of other’s actions.” Those are valid, but I’d love to see them sharpened with clearer imagery or examples ~~ What does “being played” look like in this poem’s world? Being emotionally used? Being mocked for vulnerability? Being expected to always pursue? There’s a lot you could dig into there, especially for the opposite gender to muse on!!

Thats right, for both are challenging,
Not because of gender, but because of those who treat us.
Spread gender equality, not gender superiority.

Lovely ending!!

I love the message here!! It’s simple, but it lands. The ending feels like a call for empathy, not competition, and that’s genuinely important. The poem is saying pain should not be turned into a contest, which is such a mature perspective. Everyone has gendered expectations placed on them, and everyone deserves to be treated like a full human being instead of a role. I know that I've been in situations where I disliked the expectations placed onto me; I think people will read this poem and understand what you wanted to get across!!

For polish, I’d suggest fixing a few small grammar things: “that’s” instead of “thats,” “backlash” instead of “backlashed,” and maybe “those expectations” instead of “the tight expectation.” Also, since the poem uses so many questions, you could make the ending even stronger by breaking the pattern more dramatically. After all those questions, a short final statement can feel really powerful.

Overall, this is a very heartfelt and aware poem!! I really admire that you’re trying to hold compassion for both sides without invalidating either. Amazing work!! ^_^

- Payton

Hey there @ImaginationWriter57 & welcome to YWS!
This poem is really unique because you elaborated on the struggles faced by both genders, whereas most related poems I've read focus on only one gender's perspective.

Things that ATE🔥🔥[what I think you did well]:
- I kinda mentioned this already, but you included an equal amount of struggles from BOTH genders' perspectives
- I love the repetition of "Are they the ones..." and how most lines were questions, also making the punctuation structure of your poem unique. It feels very engaging, like it's daring the reader to deny these struggles each gender faces
- Love how you began with "They say girls have it better", it's a cool, vague way to introduce the stereotype. Also loved how you later said the same thing for boys
- The final message

Spread gender equality, not gender superiority.

It was beautiful and such a nice motto/principle to end with


Some things that we could glow-up/improve ✨✨:
- I would prefer it if you began the questions with "Aren't they" instead of "Are they" because personally, it sounds more correct and engaging.

- I feel like after the following line,

Are they the ones getting ignored because of their genders?

, you should create a new stanza to list the struggles of men/boys. Fully optional, of course, but just a structural preference

- And a few things about punctuation/grammar:

In the following line: "Are they the ones getting ignored because of their genders?"--> I believe "genders" should be singular "gender".

And in this line: "Are they the ones who get no help when theyre attacked?" You are missing an apostrophe on what should be "they're" I believe.



That's it and again I loved the message of this poem, thanks for writing it!
Keep writing & God bless!