we twist our bones into an illusion of hope
grotesque wings bleeding false salvation
flesh flaking bloody into feathers bound with rope
a screaming nightmare of our own imprecation
.
rewrite Icarus, with wings of ashes and tears
bound shadows of existence, never leaving
falling heartbeats echoing in strained teres
embracing sun, in triumphant free falling
(in the end, death, is but a breathless liberator)
.
rewrite Atlas, quelled under a million lifetimes
silent in rebellion, bleeding melancholic gold
solitary, voiceless endurance, living in a mime
walk beneath the familiar weight with eyes cold
(there's a strength in endurance beyond limits,
that
allows us to walk with our demons)
.
mankind, is Icarus, is Atlas, are all the others,
mauled down by misery and the weight of galaxies
existence is clawing pain, eternal lack of solace
existence are the broken ticks of a clock, counting fatalities
.
mankind are fire-eaters, scorched from the insides
wander on shards of nightmares, untouched by the abyss.
and sometime along the way, hurricanes turn the tides
we memorise patterns, learn to soar in the darkness of an eclipse
.
bind black oil and inky fingers, melted down into wax
smith the biting silver captivity into mechanical wings
stumble into flight, lift on wings made from despair, a whip’s crack
relearn freedom, the conquest of darkness, warm embracings —
— free fall
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
OKAY. So I've been sitting here for twenty minutes taking notes on this poem like it's an English assignment, so hopefully this review is semi-helpful.
You have beautiful diction in this poem, and I particularly like the rhyme scheme and near-rhymes. I rarely find rhyming poetry that doesn't read in a very singsong way, but the rhyming in this poem is so subtle, I love it.
However, I'm getting mixed messages from the different metaphors you chose and the Greek mythology you allude to.
So, like, you focus a lot on curses. The title of the poem, "imprecation" - plus Atlas was "cursed" (punished, but close enough) to hold up the earth by Zeus. But then Icarus, as far as I understand it, wasn't cursed - he was essentially an idiot, ignored his father's advice, flew too close to the sun, and drowned in the sea when his wax-and-feather wings melted.
You could be tying Icarus in for a different reason - Icarus and Atlas were both trying to achieve something beyond their reach, tempt fate, so you might be trying to say something about how mankind is always trying to go farther but it never works out. But you've got that line about "wings made from despair," which doesn't really fit that idea. I'm also confused because on the one hand you describe death as a "breathless liberator," which implies that death is good, but on the other hand you describe "strength in endurance beyond limits" as something "that allows us to walk with our demons," which makes it sound like we should try to endure and not give into, shall we say, suicide ideation.
SO. I feel like potential ideas or messages get confused in this poem, but I also see ways in which it ties together. And, uh, I feel like I should have a better conclusion for you than I do, but...I don't review poetry often.
Hello, IgniteTheStars and Happy Review Day!!!
There's a lot of good stuff happening in this poem, so much that I might forget to mention it all! First off, I love the title. "Curse" or, more literally, "Bad Word", right? Clever, yet significant.
The first paragraph is incredibly well-written. The images are visceral and exact. However, without the knowledge (which comes in the second stanza), that you're referring to Icarus, it doesn't quite make sense. I know in poetry you have some leeway and it's okay if the meaning isn't immediately obvious to the reader, so this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I love that opening line so much, it's so powerful.
I think that the focus of the poem was lopsidedly focused on Icarus over Atlas. The first and last stanza refer back to Icarus imagery, as well as the Icarus stanza. Atlas is only mentioned/referred to once outside of his stanza, which made him feel like an afterthought. This might be because I'm more familiar with the story of Icarus than the story of Atlas, so I could be missing something from the details of the story, but it made Atlas feel like an afterthought. I might considering expanding the Atlas part, or possibly adding another mythical legend to refer to.
I appreciated the Dr. Strange quote in the description, but felt that it doesn't really line up with the piece. The meaning does, but not the mood, if that makes sense.
Your word choice is on point. It's elevated and precise. The emotional arc was also satisfying; I felt the cloying sense of hopelessness the whole time. Wonderful piece!
Thanks for posting! And welcome to YWS!
-tgirly