Savior

As I lay dying, my life slowly pouring out of my arms, I can only think of Sam. Not of my father, my sister, my dead mother, of my asshole ex-boyfriend. He's this extremely quiet guy who's in my choir class, one who's invisible and unimportant. Last year, the whole choir had sat down in a huge circle and talked, sharing jokes and bonding. I remember it being one of the best days of my life. I was looking around, a huge smile on my face,trying to committ the entire moment to memory.

Then I saw Sam, sitting apart from the group, and my heart panged, as if echoing his pain. There was raw angst in his eyes and his bottom lip was quivering. He looked so abandoned, so torn up; I could practically hear his heart crying out. Yet I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned away, pretending not to notice.

He committed suicide that weekend. A bullet to the temple, said his obituary.

You could've saved him. The voice in my head taunts as my stoach twists painfully. I fight back the tears, my breath coming out in short, rapid pants; the deep cuts running up my arms throbbing. He was only fifteen. Too young to die, much too young. He had his whole life planned out in front of him, his future filled with possibilities. He was too young! Why did he have to just go and kill- and- I'm really fighting for breath now as I go into hysterics, my eyes blurred from the tears. Help! I don't want to die! My mind creams, begging for someone to hear, for someone to come and save me. Daddy! Help me! DADDY! I laid there for a few more minutes until I passed out from blood lose.

I didn't hear the car slam, or my sister scream as found me lying in a massive pile of blood. I didn't hear the sirens as they rushed to save my life that I had tried to throw away. I didn't hear my father's heartbroken cries as he held me close to his body, thus staining his clothes with my spilled blood. No, I couldn't hear any of that, and I'm glad I couldn't.

_____________________________

I awoke disorientated, not knowing where I was. My mind slowly took in the papery-thin hospital gown, the crisp white sheets, the IV attached to my arms, which were both wrapped tightly in gauze. The hospital. I was in the hospital; I was alive.

"You're awake." My father said in a hoarse voice.

I turned to see him sitting on a chair next to my bedside, his eyes rimmed with red. He wore baggy clothes and his hair was dirty and unkept. He looked like a mess. I wonder why. The voice in my head sneered mockingly.

"Dad. I'm so so-" I began.

"Do you have any goddamn idea how worried and sick I was?!" He roars, jumping to his feet, his body shaking with barely-compressed rage. I flinch away from him, suddenly very afraid. "I was sick! So sick that I barely made it to the trashcan before I puked. Yor sister was crying so hard, she crumbled onto the floor, her body heaving from the sobs! I called the police and wasted ten towels trying to stop the blood from flowing out of your body. Then when the ambulence came and I could somewhat breathe! I pulled your sister together and we called your grandma to take us to the emergency room, seeing as I was in no condition to drive. When we got there, the doctors had already stiched up your wound, gotten a blood transfusion for you, and were waiting for me." The words flew out of his mouth, each syllable filled with pain and angst. His hands were still shaking, as if he wanted to reach out and slap me senseless. My father took a deep breath and continued, "You lost two and a half pints of blood, Nora. If I hadn't stopped the blood flow when I did, you'd be dead."

I lower my eyes to the floor, tears streaming down my chin. My arms were throbbing ruthlessly. "I'm so sorry.." I whisper raggedly.

"You were two-and-a-half weeks pregnant." My dad says softly.

I look up in shock, my breath catching in my throat. "No!"

He nods, his voice cracking as he speaks, "Nora. Why?"

I burst into hysterical tears then, my shoulders heaving. "I-I'm so sorry Daddy! I do-don't wanna die!"

My father pulls me into his strong arms, tucking my head underneath his chin just like he used to do when I was a kid. "Ssshh. Calm down; you're not going to die. Tell me what's wrong so I can help you." He murmurs into my ear.

I continue to sob for a few minutes, then I take a shaky breath. "Frankie has been beating me two months after we first started going out. I wouldn't "put out" for him, so he got angry and he hit me across the face. He apologized later, and begged me to stay. I know, Daddy, but he looked so sincere and sad!" My father had snarled then and gripped the nightt dresser, his knuckles turning a pale white. "A few weeks later, the beating happened more frequently. He was mad, drunk, sad, bored.. Whatever I did, it made him mad. He started to hid the bruises, so they would be conceled by my clothes. When I eventually tried to break up with him, he held a knife against my throat and raped me. I can still smell his breath, coated with alcohol, as he-" I break off with a sob, grabbing my stomach as if an invisible hand was reaching inside me, grabbing my intestines, and twisting cruelly. "My baby. What happened to my baby?" I whispered, looking up at my dad.

I see the broken look in his eyes, and I knew. A sob escaped my lips as I leaned forward, screaming "No!" at the top of my weak lungs.

"Nora, baby.." He says raggedly, his hands stroking my hair as he holds me close to his chest.

"I didn't want to live, Daddy! I felt so broken and unwanted; useless. I didn't knowI was pregnant, otherwise I wouldn't have... I was so alone." I whimper, clinging to him like a little girl.

"You are never alone. Don't you ever think that." My father says fiercely, his hands cupping my face so he could look into my eyes. "My baby. You will never, ever be alone. Please remember that." He sighs and turns away for a moment, thinking, remembering. "I knew a girl from my high school. Zoey. A good friend of ine, she was like Snow White; long beautiful dark hair, bright blue eyes, and fair skin. She was extremely kind and compassionate, always there when I needed her. She was perfect in my eyes. But underneath that auty was a dark truth. She came from a domestic household, an abusive boyfriend, and a life of drugs. She was bipolar, depressed, entirely alone. She had been raped by her father, her boyfriend and his friends, and by a stranger on the subway. She had two miscarriages and she had to go to the hospital five times because of her boyfriend. Do you kno what happened to her?" He growls, turning to me. I can hear the pain of the memory in his tone.

"Did she die?" I squeak, suddenly scared to hear the ending.

"Eventually, after she was well past 60, married and all. You know what she did? She got the hell out of that enviornment and she moved in with my best friend. His mother took her in and legally adopted her, then took her to court to testify against everyone who'd ever hurt her. Her dad and her asshole ex went to jail, and Zoey never saw them again. Nor did she ever experience that pain ever again. My best friend helped her back on her feet; he taught her what a real boyfriend does for and to you. He married her, he gave her a life full of happiness and love. He saved her life, Nora. Without him, she probably would've killed herself, or someone else would've." Dad stops and pulls back to look at me. "Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?"

"That she had it worse then I do?" I say hesitantely, feeling slight anger. We went through similar stuff, Zoey and I. That doesn't mean I was "luckier than she was." I hoped he wasn't going to say that.

"Zoey went through hell, and yet she still had someone who cared about her. Even when she didn't think she had anyone. Anthony saved her life, he really did." My father reaches over to the bed and pulls out his guitar, which I hadn't noticed was there. "My darling, beautiful Nora.." He whispers, caressing my cheek. "You will never be alone. You have Daniella, and you have me. We will always, always be here for you. Now listen to your favorite song, that I have chosen to remind you that you are never alone." He strums the strings idly for a moment, then starts to play the beginning cords to "Savior" by Black Veil Brides.

"Oh, Daddy.." I whisper as I curl up next to him, closing my eyes and listening to him sing.

I never meant to be the one, who kept you from the dark.
But now I know my wounds are on, because of who you are.
I will take this burden on, and become the holy one,
But remember I am human, and I'm bound to sing this song.

When I hear your cries, praying for life,
I will be there...

A/N: Credit for the song goes to Black Veil Brides. Check it out! The songs amazing.