Young Writers Society

Hi @Iforgot! I'm Yoshi and I'll be here for your review!

First off, this is a nice, short poem. Your grammar and language applications are extraordinary in here.

Summer is fading

Yet these little flowers start waking

While others gone dry and shrivel

It's petals were blooming

oh me oh my WLECOME TO YWS FIRST OF ALL

and second thank you for sharing your work with us

i want to say that i really enjoyed how simply and delicately you put this together. another reviewer mentioned short and to the point? that is exactly what is brilliant about it. coming into the poem, i was not expecting to be put into a metaphorical garden, but you surprised me with how well you allowed everything to flow.

one thing i will point out, and it is small, is the fact that you could leave a much greater impact with how you decide to stylize the poem. nothing is wrong with the way you've decided to write everything, but poetry allows for a much broader sense of direction, in that you don't have to follow the rules of common grammar and language. this is purely up the author to decide, and i believe regardless of whichever route you decide to go, the poem will remain impactful.

now what i understand the main takeaway to be here is to never lose hope (well for me at least). what you show me as the reader is that regardless of what happens to everyone else around you, we are all meant to work at our own pace. it is only once we finally arrive at where we need to that we will understand how worth the wait it was.

i want to thank you again for sharing, and i hope to see more of you around the site. i really enjoyed the piece and cant wait to hear more from you!

Hi, Iforgot! This isn't a formal review, but I wanted to leave a little comment on your poem saying how much I love it. It's short and to the point, but also has some beautiful nature imagery that made me smile. Great job with it!

I agree with what fire eyes said it does remind me of what Mulan's father said too,
its quite a short poem buts its very lovely
Your lines in are beautiful put together
I like the part where you said "While others gone dry and shrivel"
then of course they rebloom when spring comes
"It's petals were blooming"
I enjoy this poem quite alot
Great job!
I hope to see more of your poems and stuff you bring to YWS!

-Paradise

I was trying to write a review then it changed ;-;

This poem reminds me of what Mulan's father said. "My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all."

Hello there,

I don't know if I can follow up with as stellar a review as starlitmind's below, but I'll take a shot.

Short-and-sweet poems are always the most challenging, in my opinion, because there is so little with which to focus on. Everything is front and centre, so it's really important that everything is as close to perfect as possible. I think the sentiment behind your poem in particular is quite lovely and warm - what's not to like about beauty and flowers and seasons changing? Whenever I interact with the theme of changing seasons in any type of art, I think of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Perhaps you might want to take a listen and contemplate how the growth of this poem could be influenced by it

Aside from a few grammarly nitpicks that starlitmind has already pointed out, I think what is tripping me up the most here is that I am a little confused about the chronology of the poem. Since it starts out with "Summer is fading", I am anticipating that the remainder of the poem will speak to the change from summer to autumn. However, the next line contradicts this. I don't know about you, but I don't really associate the coming of autumn with new types of flowers - maybe it's because we potentially live in different parts of the world? I live in Canada which means that autumn can be quite cold, a season when the plants and flowers begin to die. I might recommend to you that you sit back and clarify in your head the chronology of this poem.

I have one other question: the fourth line of the poem read "Its petals were blooming", yet I am not sure which flower's petals you are referring to. Once again, maybe the lack of linearity is confusing me on this piece. Remember, seasons equate to time passing, so it's important that the poem accurately reflects the passage of time.

Overall, I think this is really pretty and taking a moment to rearrange some lines and potentially revisit the chronology of the poem might help tighten it up a bit.

Thanks for the read,
Lavvie

Hello, hello! ^_^ I saw this lovely poem, and I wanted to leave a review on it. But first off, welcome to YWS! I hope you're finding yourself well around the sites, and if you ever need help, feel free to ask! c:

I love how short, simple, and sweet this is! You've conveyed a lot in just five lines, which is quite amazing! And I super love the theme of this poem; it remind me of Mulan. I love the idea of flowers just started to bloom at the very end of summer. Not everyone grows at the same times or rates, and you delivered this really well! And your title is quite fitting too, and helps explain the theme further. Overall, I really loved this poem! It's cute and has a strong impact, especially for something so short! ^_^ I'm going to go line by line and give you some of my thoughts and suggestions!

Summer is fading

Yet these little flowers start waking

While others gone dry and shrivel

Which made the season worth waiting

While others gone dry and shrivel

It's petals were blooming

It´s short and sweet. I like that.

I love short poetry and you did a fantastic job.