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Late Bloomers

by Iforgot


Summer is fading 

Yet these little flowers start waking

While others gone dry and shrivel 

It's petals were blooming

Which made the season worth waiting


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Sun Jan 31, 2021 8:23 pm
Yoshikrab wrote a review...



Hi @Iforgot! I'm Yoshi and I'll be here for your review!

First off, this is a nice, short poem. Your grammar and language applications are extraordinary in here.

Summer is fading

Yet these little flowers start waking


Great use of characterization! I love how you described flowers as something that can "wake" and Summer as something that can "fade". In fact, it's extremely important for a short poem like this to use characterization to add to the imagery. Good job!

While others gone dry and shrivel


Your hyperbolic imagery here is perfect. The shriveling and drying gives off intense visualization.

It's petals were blooming


Here, you have one grammar mistake. The "It's" is in the incorrect form. Instead, you should have "Its". "Its" is possessive, and is used here since the flower owned the petals. "It's" with an apostrophe, however, is the shortened form of "It is".

Finally, there is one huge thing I noticed about this poem. You have improper tense agreement. You begin with present tense verbs like "is" and "start". Then, you end it with past tense verbs like "were". I suggest you work on how you want to narrate your poem before writing one. When I try to decide, I always ask myself three questions.

1. What kind of poetry will I be writing? Will I write something humorous? Something romantic? Something dramatic? Something romantic AND dramatic? Figuring out what kind of poetry you want will help you stay on topic.

2. What kind of narrative will I be writing? Will I be writing third-person present tense omniscient? Will I be writing first-person past tense? Distinguishing what kind of narrative you will write will help you fix the improper tense agreement as well as keeping you focused.

3. What will be the structure of my poetry? Will it be a couplet? Tanka? Haiku? Limerick? Singling out what your structure will be can greatly help with the organization of the poem.

Anyways, I hope you were satisfied with this review!

Cheers and Eggs!

-yoshi




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Sun Jan 31, 2021 7:28 pm
veeren wrote a review...



oh me oh my WLECOME TO YWS FIRST OF ALL

and second thank you for sharing your work with us

i want to say that i really enjoyed how simply and delicately you put this together. another reviewer mentioned short and to the point? that is exactly what is brilliant about it. coming into the poem, i was not expecting to be put into a metaphorical garden, but you surprised me with how well you allowed everything to flow.

one thing i will point out, and it is small, is the fact that you could leave a much greater impact with how you decide to stylize the poem. nothing is wrong with the way you've decided to write everything, but poetry allows for a much broader sense of direction, in that you don't have to follow the rules of common grammar and language. this is purely up the author to decide, and i believe regardless of whichever route you decide to go, the poem will remain impactful.

now what i understand the main takeaway to be here is to never lose hope (well for me at least). what you show me as the reader is that regardless of what happens to everyone else around you, we are all meant to work at our own pace. it is only once we finally arrive at where we need to that we will understand how worth the wait it was.

i want to thank you again for sharing, and i hope to see more of you around the site. i really enjoyed the piece and cant wait to hear more from you!




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Sun Jan 31, 2021 3:57 pm
Magebird says...



Hi, Iforgot! This isn't a formal review, but I wanted to leave a little comment on your poem saying how much I love it. It's short and to the point, but also has some beautiful nature imagery that made me smile. Great job with it!




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Wed Jan 27, 2021 6:14 pm
forgottenparadise wrote a review...



I agree with what fire eyes said it does remind me of what Mulan's father said too,
its quite a short poem buts its very lovely
Your lines in are beautiful put together
I like the part where you said "While others gone dry and shrivel"
then of course they rebloom when spring comes
"It's petals were blooming"
I enjoy this poem quite alot
Great job!
I hope to see more of your poems and stuff you bring to YWS!

-Paradise




Iforgot says...


Thank you :)



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Wed Jan 27, 2021 6:11 pm



I was trying to write a review then it changed ;-;




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Wed Jan 27, 2021 4:53 pm
FireEyes says...



This poem reminds me of what Mulan's father said. "My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all."




Iforgot says...


Yeah, I haven't realized until now :D anyway thanks for the review :)



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Wed Jan 27, 2021 2:08 am
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Lavvie wrote a review...



Hello there,

I don't know if I can follow up with as stellar a review as starlitmind's below, but I'll take a shot.

Short-and-sweet poems are always the most challenging, in my opinion, because there is so little with which to focus on. Everything is front and centre, so it's really important that everything is as close to perfect as possible. I think the sentiment behind your poem in particular is quite lovely and warm - what's not to like about beauty and flowers and seasons changing? Whenever I interact with the theme of changing seasons in any type of art, I think of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. Perhaps you might want to take a listen and contemplate how the growth of this poem could be influenced by it :)

Aside from a few grammarly nitpicks that starlitmind has already pointed out, I think what is tripping me up the most here is that I am a little confused about the chronology of the poem. Since it starts out with "Summer is fading", I am anticipating that the remainder of the poem will speak to the change from summer to autumn. However, the next line contradicts this. I don't know about you, but I don't really associate the coming of autumn with new types of flowers - maybe it's because we potentially live in different parts of the world? I live in Canada which means that autumn can be quite cold, a season when the plants and flowers begin to die. I might recommend to you that you sit back and clarify in your head the chronology of this poem.

I have one other question: the fourth line of the poem read "Its petals were blooming", yet I am not sure which flower's petals you are referring to. Once again, maybe the lack of linearity is confusing me on this piece. Remember, seasons equate to time passing, so it's important that the poem accurately reflects the passage of time.

Overall, I think this is really pretty and taking a moment to rearrange some lines and potentially revisit the chronology of the poem might help tighten it up a bit.

Thanks for the read,
Lavvie




Iforgot says...


Thank you for the review and suggestions:) I appreciated it so much. Actually this is my first poem:) so yeah, I also noticed some grammatical errors and I'm still finding my ways on it:) anyway thank you and hope you have a nice day:)



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Tue Jan 26, 2021 10:01 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hello, hello! ^_^ I saw this lovely poem, and I wanted to leave a review on it. But first off, welcome to YWS! I hope you're finding yourself well around the sites, and if you ever need help, feel free to ask! c:

I love how short, simple, and sweet this is! You've conveyed a lot in just five lines, which is quite amazing! And I super love the theme of this poem; it remind me of Mulan. I love the idea of flowers just started to bloom at the very end of summer. Not everyone grows at the same times or rates, and you delivered this really well! And your title is quite fitting too, and helps explain the theme further. Overall, I really loved this poem! It's cute and has a strong impact, especially for something so short! ^_^ I'm going to go line by line and give you some of my thoughts and suggestions!

Summer is fading


I think the idea of a season fading away is really nice! I was trying to think of more dramatic words you could use instead of "fading" - because this is a shorter poem, every word really matters, and it's nice to use stronger and more descriptive verbs when possible because you're limited in space to make an impact on your reader. My first thought was something along the lines of "Summer was bleeding into the soft colours of autumn" -> that was just off the top of my head, so you could really play around with whatever you like! But the line you already have is perfectly fine; I just thought it would be fun for you to explore more words and experiment a bit with your poem!

Yet these little flowers start waking


Ah! love the idea of flowers sleeping beforehand and just waking up when the growing season is almost over. I like the verb "waking." I was trying to think of a stronger adjective than "little," and here are some suggestions if you are looking to experiment! "pocket-sized flowers" (this one isn't that great lol) "flowers the size of dandelion seeds" or maybe just even "tiny." I was trying to come up with similes, but it didn't really work xD

While others gone dry and shrivel


Overall, I think sprinkling in some imagery in various spots in your poem would be awesome (but only if you want to c:) you've got some lovely images already, but I would love to get more; especially since this is on the shorter side, more imagery will make this all the more impactful. Hm, so maybe like here for example, you could experiment with delivering the line in an indirect way. perhaps something like "while water was stripped from others, their leaves curling" or something like that xD just some thoughts for you!

Which made the season worth waiting


I would love to hear about this season! Autumn is next, and it's such a colourful and poetic season. You could even describe the poem without directly stating the actual name; like for example, you could do something like "which made the cider-stained season worth waiting" or something like that xD "cider" may not be the best as it doesn't have to do with flowers or nature, so maybeee hm, "golden leaves filled season" I don't know xD

There are also two small grammar things I'd like to point out, but they are not that important, so I've left them for the end of the review!

While others gone dry and shrivel


Did you perhaps mean "While others have gone dry and shrivel" or "While others dried and shriveled" or something like that? It reads a bit weird the way it is now. Or maybe I'm just missing something :p

It's petals were blooming


Since "its" is being used to show possession and doesn't mean the contraction "It is," you don't need an apostrophe; "its" is what you're looking for ^^

AND TAHT'S IT! Overall, I really enjoyed this lovely poem of yours c: The message is so clear and important, and you'd delivered it really well in a small space. I love the different images you use and the continuing theme of flowers and seasons and growing. I think this was really well done, and I'd love to read more form you soon. I hope this helped! <3




Iforgot says...


Thank you so much for the review:) I just appreciated how you commented on every lines of the poem which I find very interesting and useful. W



Iforgot says...


When I wrote this poem I really meant about people, first hand experience actually. People tend to compare themselves to others specially to those at the peak of their maximum potential without realizing we're just of the same kind but not of same time and I don't know what have gotten to me why did I compare it to "these little flowers". All I know was the feeling present at that time :) I'm sorry for confusions and grammatical errors I'll work on it:) I promise but really thanks for the review it helped a lot :)



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Tue Jan 26, 2021 11:30 am
MailicedeNamedy says...



It´s short and sweet. I like that.




Iforgot says...


Thank you :)



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Tue Jan 26, 2021 5:20 am
silented1 says...



I love short poetry and you did a fantastic job.




Iforgot says...


Thank you:)




You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese