Am I too cold?
Can I be cruel?
Do I try to make people look the fool?
I pick apart every little thing.
Every tiny detail on a shining diamond ring.
And yet, my own care is often left to rot.
Oh, god, I just forgot!
To brush my teeth, to wash my hair, to text my mom.
And now this whole darn rhyme scheme's wrong.
Am I a bad person? Do I really care?
My empathy's just not always there.
But I'm doing my best, I really am.
Even if you failed a simple exam.
I'm doing it again! Stop judging so much.
Yes, they're wrong, but you should just hush!
Facts over feelings, feelings or facts?
Might as well chop my brain with an ax.
They preach companionship, and loving one's neighbor,
But I can't help that I'm such a Debater!
Well, not literally, that's a different type.
But you get the idea, it's just not worth the hype
To be mushy, and gushy, and feely, and touchy.
The problem is simple, the solution's right there.
But if I spell it out, does that mean I don't care?
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Hi! Nice poem! It rhymes really well. Just the first three lines were not that smooth. And......
I found one grammatical mistake, but other then that there is really nothing more:
Might as well chop my brain with an ax
To
Might as well chop my brain with an AXE.
So that’s it. I liked this poem a lot. It was simple and nice. Looking forward to seeing more poems of yours, keep writing,
Au revoir!
Rida
Hi! Hannah here for a quick review. First of all, I am a logician as well and I think you got everything spot on. I can completely relate to this! I constantly ask myself these questions all the time. The part that I can relate to the most is this one.
"But you get the idea, it's just not worth the hype
To be mushy, and gushy, and feely, and touchy.
The problem is simple, the solution's right there.
But if I spell it out, does that mean I don't care?" I loved this poem. I hope to hear more from you! Have a good day, keep writing and merry Christmas!
Hannah
Hello, hello, hello! Guess who's procrastinating on work again?
Not me, totally.
As you can most likely guess, I'm going to review your poem, almost like I'm "(Picking apart) every tiny detail of a shining diamond ring"
Right off the bat, a couple great things about this poem stood out to me!
Firstly, you're rhyming words were really good! "Neighbor" And "Debater" really stuck out! Its not a rule that poems have to rhyme, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it!
Speaking of which, however, I do have a bit of a nitpick.
As mentioned, its only optional for poems to rhyme. But, if they're going to, it needs to be consistent. I noticed that in a few lines, you break the scheme. And yes, in one, you do call it out. However, "Am I too cold" doesn't rhyme with anything either, and neither does "Touchy" It feels out of place, and can break immersion.
Other than that, though, your grammar looks good, and so does your spelling! So keep on writing, and have a great day!
Ooh, you could challenge everyone to write about their Myers Briggs type thingy!
Thanks for reviewing! I actually wanted that part to stick out like a sore thumb, since that's really how I feel when people get emotional, it's a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit into the finished picture?? If that makes any sense lol