Young Writers Society

Hi!
A good poem - but I think to hit the full intended effect, refining it could be very beneficial. For example:
Staring into the glass mirror,
The feeling just hits me,
I look at other girls,
But at least I cry pretty,
Ugly,
Awful,
I just wanna feel normal.
Obviously this depends what the intended effect is for this poem - it's your work so please, do not feel obliged to undergo these edits. But this poem can have vast potential.
You're a good writer which much poential, so please carry on
Sunlightwarriorxo

staring into a sheet of glass

reflecting my visage. Use something more descriptive than visage. Because visage invokes the idea of what I think is the speaker not an image for your poem.

paled cheeks painted with a rose This line is so good because it sounds like your cheeks were literally painted with a rose and it flows well. So, good job.

and a nose brushed with scarlet. This is a lot of words to say something so short.

thin ribbons fall across my face

in a disheveled yet elegant mass. This is a way to say something blank. Elegant mass doesn't paint a picture like pale cheeks painted with a rose.

my eyes glisten like two emeralds,

affixed to pearls and pinned with onyx. This doesn't make sense.

i hear an instrument of my design Great line.

releasing short, clear notes

that glide about the narrow room. What are the clear notes? I'm confused. Crying?

and on the inside i am

horrid,

gnarled,

cold,

ugly,

twisted,

and awful.

but at least i cry pretty.

Chancing a review.

At 12 am so I hope this makes sense.


I love that such an openly sad poem ends on such a nice note. And I'm an ugly cryer so I respect anyone who can cry pretty. I like how the listing is exactly how it is when you're listing things you don't like in your head, I do this even with books its like ticking off the things that aren't cannon on a list of ideas. And listing things off like that about yourself is also relatable- painfully so in my case.

'releasing short clear notes'

When you describe crying so musically it makes me want to hug you even more. Its a very beautiful way to describe crying, and though sometimes it isn't that pretty sounding every once in a while I've had a soft cry like that.

I also love how you describe your wet eyes and the colors used- but I think poofy or pink rimmed or something could have made me picture a more real crying Icon, but then again maybe these are just nitpicks because I don't cry pretty haha.

Lastly I love how you described the pane casting your reflection- be it a window or a mirror we don't know. You could be in a car or a school bathroom or at home in your room, who knows. I like that it also makes it relatable- and holds symbolism. This is a I take this wherever I go poem, and its beautiful of you to let us see your demons like that. Keep writing.

Much love, Gem

<333

First off, I’d like to say I love the ending. It is so unexpected, and yet wraps up the poem so beautifully. I thought it showed something interesting about the speaker’s values as well as having a bit of cruel irony. Who wants to cry pretty? That’s a depressing thing to do.
The descriptions in this piece were also lovely. There was a lot of imagery, and I could really picture the speaker and their surroundings. There was an intense juxtaposition between the beauty and elegance of the language, and the hints of chaos and sorrow. I particularly loved the phrase “disheveled yet elegant”.
The one suggestion I would make is to add more descriptions to the speaker’s inner thoughts and characteristics. You spend a lot of time describing their outside, and how they look, but then you go on to mention that on the inside they are “horrid, / gnarled”. The section on their inside is just filled with simple adjectives, not the descriptive language of the first section. I would love to see some figurative language describing that internal battle. Why do they feel this way? What thought processes are they going through? What does it feel like, to be so unhappy? I think more specific descriptions would make the contrast between the elegant exterior and the messy interior all the more clear and impactful.
Overall, though, this was an amazing poem! If it is about you, I’d just like to say I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way (the feeling you describe in your poem sounds like it absolutely sucks) but I hope you hang in there and write some more amazing poetry.

I really love this! The descriptions are so distinct, especially

my eyes glisten like two emeralds, / affixed to pearls and pinned with onyx.

This poem is great, its just like my friend poem that they wrote about looking into the mirror and seeing themselves but i rather not spoil it if they go and post it. And your painting a reflection of what you hope to see or what you look like and there's this voice in your head say your worthless, stupid, ugly, Useless, a$$hole and just plainly making you feel bad until it won you over or your say that cause external influence but i don't know.

Your voice won to make you think that way, I let the demons in my head control me, I lost all hope of trying now because my life and my family just doesn't care or Believes i'm this sh!t mistake that they wish I could d!e but i don't want to talk about myself. Otherwise its really good and the end quite surprise me.

This poem is so good! I was already intrigued by the title, but the rest of the poem really won me over. I love how much imagery you used to describe crying - even though most of it was described in a way that I haven't seen used for crying before, I could still imagine exactly what you were talking about.

I think that's why the ending hits as hard as it does. It shouldn't be unexpected because of the title, but it's so straightforward compared to the rest of the poem. I'm not sure how to describe that last line - I just know it really ties together the poem. <3