I dont j=know how to delete stuff!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Since you are only 13, I'm going to restrain from some of my more unrestrained comments.
Please, I get it already. Boys are cool. You didn't need to waste five lines telling me this. Furthermore, it's just lecture right now and I could get that in class. Make me want to read the poem; make me feel the warmth from these boys' eyes and the refreshing placidity of their souls. Something along those lines. Anything but simply "Boys are, boys are, boys are,". The first rule of good poetry is not to use repetition just for the sake of repetition.
Well, since you already found that mistake I won't bother pointing it out again. Also, you lack powerful language once more and just sound like someone who's writing in her diary.
Okay, I'm not going to critique it line-by-line any more because I don't feel it would help as much as a general critique.
1) You repeat much too often. I'm not sure why you think that's a good thing, but in this case, it just serves to waterlog the poem with extra wordage that doesn't offer anything. You repeat the same phrases over and they contain the same meanings, so I'm not getting anything new once I look at that phrase the second, third, or fourth time.
2) There's barely any imagery here. You do a decent job of presenting your emotions, but after all, poetry is about imagery and utilizing the five senses just as much as it is about getting your feelings out. I want you to show us how you were hurt, how intensely you loved, and how your emotions are swirling inside of you as you wake up to face every cloudy day.
3) The subject matter doesn't have much depth to it, but I won't go on very long about this because after all, you're still young and your poetry will mature as you do. Just something to think about, though - the theme of your poem is pretty basic and thus it feels like the reader didn't get anything out of reading so much when you could have just replaced it with one or two lines that meant exactly the same thing. Make your poem multi-dimensional.
Hope that helped.
Ok, coming from the point of view of a thirteen year old girl, wow. I can completely see where you're coming from. I have had a few boy problems myself lately, and its nice to know that other girls do too, because no one I know does.
Thank you!