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Young Writers Society


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S.A.U. (Something About U) Chapter Five: Unwanted Consequneces

by IceWinifredd


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Okay, I was bored.

I watched as the red-orange sunset descended behind a golden horizon, leaving behind its faint fingers of pinkish-orange light to kiss a red-purple sky. There was something about watching sunsets that really just made your problems melt away with its warm colors. Today was the second day of my suspension and I had to admit that I was both loving it and hating it at the same time.

Loving it because I didn't have to put up with Bryan's bullying or sit through another one of Mr. Calico's boring as hell classes. Hating because I was trapped in the house with mom downstairs making sure I didn't plan on going anywhere with my being grounded now, which still pissed me off a great deal. That was one of things I hated about mom being a housewife: she wasn't in any hurry to rush off to work or go out and go shopping with some girlfriends like most moms did. I bet that when their kids were grounded, they could easily sneak out of the house and sneak back in before their parents even noticed whereas I couldn't do that.

If I decided to leave now, the there was no telling what kind of punishment I'd get when I returned. But I had to find out when this party was going to start. Was it today? Was it tomorrow? It was times like these when I wished I had a cell phone to simply call Bryan for details. I sighed and leaned my head back to look at the ceiling. I sat there, one leg dangling over the ledge of my two-story bedroom window and the other pulled up to my chest. I hadn't even gone down for anything since I'd woken up a few hours ago. I didn't dare with mom watching her General Hospital re-runs.

Ugh. Why did my life have to suck so badly? I sighed and turned my attention out to the window again. One thing I liked about having my room upstairs was that I could see everything from up here. The rows and rows of houses that surrounded our own, the people walking or running around the neighborhood, and the cars that zigzagged through the narrow streets with ease. I couldn't wait to start driving my own car someday.

I wondered what it was like being behind the wheel of your yellow Porsche maneuvering through the streets of California with the fifty miles per hour winds running through your hair like invisible fingers. Who wouldn't enjoy that kind of freedom? Who wanted to be fifteen with your parents having to drive you around to school? I snickered to myself humorlessly. One day I would get the hell out of his hellhole of a home I lived in and live the life I wanted to live. I could dress, speak, and whatever the hell it was that I wanted without having people's heads shoved up my ass every time something happened.

I sighed when my stomach let out a loud, hungry rumble. I sighed and glanced out my window one last time before I pulled my leg back inside and shut the window. I had to eat sometime and sitting up here starving myself wasn't doing me any good. I unlocked my door and stepped out into the cool, vacant hallway of my house. So far, so good. The triplets didn't seem to be home and I knew that Dad was at work like he always was at this time of day since he was a lawyer. I had to admit that I felt stupid tiptoeing toward the stairs and having to lean over the stair rail just to make sure that my mother wasn't in the kitchen. She was, in fact, sitting on one of the plush leather couches of our living room with a bowl of popcorn in her lap and yet another boring re-run of General Hospital playing at high volume on the TV.

I rolled my eyes and descended down the stairs as slowly and as quietly as I could, carefully putting one dainty foot in front of the other. So far, so good. Mom didn't seem to notice my emergence from my bedroom. I could hear my heart thudding wildly against my chest and a wave of adrenaline rushing through my veins, which was stupid because I wasn't doing anything that should've made me feel that way. I was sneaking around like a burglar in my own home for something to eat? What the hell was wrong with this picture? I let out a sigh of relief when I reached to bottom of the stairs and turned to my right in the direction of the kitchen. Okay. I made it through so far without her even noticing. Two points for me. I held my breath and fast-walked across the length of the living room and into the kitchen without so much as lifting my head to look where I was going.

I took a deep breath and practically dove for the refrigerator. I yanked the door open and rummaged through its contents like a wild animal. My stomach let out another loud grumble as I pulled out a half empty carton of juice and an apple. I tilted my head back and let the cool, refreshing liquid glide over my tongue and tumble down my throat. Only a few hours had past since I last ate and here I was stuffing my face and drinking out of a juice carton like a crazed monkey or something. If Dad were watching this then he would've yelled at me. I set my juice carton down and hungrily bit into my apple, letting its sweet, sticky juice trickle down the sides of my mouth and onto my jeans as I ate.

I glanced around for anything else to eat when I saw it standing just a few feet away from me.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I needed details of that party and since I couldn't leave through the front or through my bedroom window, then why not through the back door? Mom was so wrapped up in her soap operas that she hadn't even noticed my coming down here. So I bet I could find Bryan and return before she even noticed that I was gone. A slow smile spread on my face at the idea.

I've sneaked out of the house before and never been caught. I was sure I could pull this off again if I was quiet enough. I drained the rest of the juice and tossed the empty carton into the trashcan next to me. Then another idea hit me. I didn't have to sneak out. I could just tell mom that we were out of juice and offer to go pick some up at the store. I chuckled under my breath with excitement. The nearest store was probably a block away and I knew where Bryan lived.

And I was off to my room to change into some decent clothes with the empty juice carton in hand.

It didn't take me long to change into a pair of sweatpants, a plain black T-shirt, sandals, and sunglasses. I put up my hair up in a messy bun at the top of my head and returned downstairs again with my wallet tucked under my arm. Mom was sound asleep on the couch with her bowl of popcorn about to fall over on the floor and make a mess. I picked it up and set it down on the table before gently shaking her awake.

"Mom, I have to go to the store really quick because we're out of juice." It took a great of energy not to burst out laughing in her face. Mom moaned lightly and nodded lazily before she dropped back on the couch and resumed her slumber. I smiled to myself and went for the door. Nighty night mom. Don't let those bedbugs bite.

You know, it was when you found yourself running as fast as your skinny, out of shape legs could carry you that you realized how a few trips to the gym wouldn't hurt you. I carry on in my sprint even though I was ready to collapse any second now. The burning need of oxygen in my lungs and the fiery stabs of pain in my sides were evidence of this. I made a sharp turn and nearly collided into Bryan. In the moment I felt like singing 'Hallelujah' and praising the Lord for making my search so much easier then I would it would be.

"Nina?" he asked, clearly stunned.

I nodded wearily and bent over with my hands on my knees. Was it normal for your legs to be shaking like someone out in the cold too long? I took a few slow, deep breaths to calm my breathing. No wonder I always flunked out in P.E. I couldn't run to save a life let alone my own. I hadn't even been running that long and I felt ready to lie down and take a two-day nap.

"Bryan!" I panted and grabbed hold of his shoulders. "I…I…I need…" Argh! This was why I needed a car. I could barely even speak. Bryan grabbed my arm and sat me down on his front steps.

"Are you okay?" he asked anxiously. "I'll go get you some water-"

"No!" I wheezed and grabbed his wrist tightly. "I…I…I just need to…to talk to you."

I didn't have a lot of time before mom woke up and realized that I was gone. She hadn't exactly said yes, but she wasn't exactly alert when I told her I was leaving. Only god knew how she would react if she woke up before I got home. Bryan nodded and sat down right next to me.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I need to know…know where and when that party will be," I panted and held up a hand before he could interrupt me. "I've decided to go and I need to know everything."

"But I thought you were-"

"Bryan!" I shouted maddeningly and fixed him with a stern look. "Will you just tell me what I want to know? I don't time to-"

"Fine!" he interjected incensed. "Okay, the party tonight. I'm not sure when it'll end or start so just show up when you can. Her parents will be there so I would say just go up and them and let them know you're there and make sure they see you two together having a good time. Her parents don't like that Claire is suspended so most likely they'll go down to the school and let Mr. Flynn know that you guys kissed and made up. If you feel like leaving afterwards, then go, okay?"

I nodded. Okay, that was simple enough. I just show up, pretend to be nice to Claire, and the book it out of there before it got too late. Simple enough, right? I could so pull this off. The triplets went to bed around nine and mom and Dad normally spent the night in their room before shutting off the lights and going to bed after making sure that everyone was asleep. So I could sneak out sometime around ten and be home around eleven without being caught. I wouldn't have a choice but to spend some time there so Mr. and Mrs. Romano wouldn't get suspicious. I sighed out loud. Ugh. What a drag.

Bryan chuckled. "You don't seem happy about going."

"No, I'm thrilled," I spat out cynically. "Of course I'm not happy about it. How could I be? I don't like or trust this chick and now I have to go to her house and pretend to be her friend?" I stood up and dusted the back of my pants with my hands.

"Well see ya." I turned and walked off in the opposite direction, making Bryan aware of my grudge against him with my bitter one. I hadn't even reached the end of the driveway when I heard his footsteps quicken their pace and a firm grip on my arm.

"Nina-"

"What now?" I snapped and shook him off. God, why did this guy have t be so annoying all the times? Why did he have to change into…into….this?

"Nina, listen!" He looked nervous all of a sudden and that struck me as odd. Why would he look so nervous? I wasn't a celebrity or a stranger to him. He shouldn't have been hesitating to say whatever it was that he wanted to say. But still….if it was another joke or lame comment then I swear to god I'd-

"I just want to tell you that if you should feel uncomfortable at the party-"

"-to come to you in hopes that you will comfort me?" I offered snidely and with a roll of my eyes. "Don't waste your breath, Bryan. I spent these past three years without having or needing you at my side and I came out just fine. I don't need you now so you can take all that fake kindness and go shove it up your ass because I'm not having it."

I spun around and trudged away in the direction of my house with an angry huff, leaving him standing there in the middle of his driveway staring after me with his mouth hanging open. Who needed friends anyway? All they did was smile to your face or pretend to like you and then spit on your name and backstab you when you turned your back. What kind of person wanted to put themselves through that? I would rather have been by myself the way I was now then to have friends that acted like bullies toward me and didn't even recognize that we'd know each other at some point in our lives. I sighed and wiped the back of my hands against my forehead.

How the hell was I still sweating like a pig?

I sighed again and turned the corner onto my own street and began to walk again. It wasn't completely dark yet with the rest of the sunset's red-purple rays dripping behind the horizon and the rich tones of the evening settling in. If I hurried, then I could go the store, pick up some juice, and hopefully be back in time to prepare for the party. I stopped short and almost slapped myself for being such idiot. What kind of party was it? Like a pool party? A regular party? What was I suppose to wear? I didn't exactly own a bikini or a tight black dress. I rubbed at my throbbing temples in thought. Maybe that was what Bryan was trying to say to me? I resumed my walking again and let out an irritated sigh. Why the hell hadn't I listened? What the hell was I suppose to do now?

It seemed like forever before I managed to reach the small Walgreens to a block away from my house. I quickly entered the brightly lit store and dove for the food aisles before the clerk behind that check-out counter could say anything to me. I might as well stock up on food for myself while I was at it. There was no way that I was having another quiet, awkward dinner with my mother again. I was sure that Dad knew that I didn't want to be around her since I'd pleaded with him as much as I could've to let me go out with him. Even if I had to spend time with my obnoxious triplet sisters.

Unfortunately, they had come out with the stunning, model-like features and revolting personality of my mother. Ashleigh, the oldest of the three would have to have been the least spoiled if you had to ask me. You had to yell at her like a military sergeant yelled at his cadet just so she would actually shut up and do what you told her to do. Brooklyn, the second oldest of the three, was bratty child who always told on you if you didn't do what she told you to do. She was the one that seemed to like to purposefully try to make me do something, knowing very well that I would refuse, which give her the perfect excuse to tell mom. As lastly was the most spoiled of the three and the youngest of the three, Carly. She was the mastermind; she would fabricate stories about me doing or saying something that I hadn't just so she could have something to laugh at. She hated it when other people took her spotlight and found pleasure in putting people down with her nasty comments and spiteful frolics.

And that wasn't even the shocking part yet. The three brats were only nine years old! Imagine what kind of girls they would grow to be like by the time their thirtieth birthday rolled around? God, if I had my way with them, I'd grab them by their little blonde heads and dropkick them into a ditch somewhere. They were one of the reasons I'd wished I could've been an only child when I was a kid.

By the time I'd reached the check out counter, I had my arms full of sweets and a large jug of apple juice since I couldn't find anything else- not that I tried looking either. I set the items on the conveyer belt and dug into my wallet for a twenty. The sooner I got home, then the better. I could really use a hot shower to get rid of all this sticky sweat.

"Ten seventy-five," the short, plump redhead behind the counter said and I handed her my twenty. Thank god for my job. It was a less then crap-tac-tular job as a smoothie shop employ across Bloomingdale's at the mall downtown. Sure, it wasn't a luxurious job, but five hours a day working three days a week for minimum wage was good enough. If you were in my shoes then you would know that minimum wage in California wasn't bad.

She bagged my food items and handed me to me with a smile so wide it looked like it would break her face in half. I smiled back and left the store, feeling rattled up all over again about the party. What the heck was I suppose to wear anyway? What if it was a pool party? What was I supposed to do then? Show up in my bra and underwear? I shivered and wished I would've been smart enough to bring a jacket. The sooner I got home the better. By now, the sun was completely gone, replaced by the rich, dark tones of the evening and a cool crispness in the air. I couldn't even walk home without having to peek over my shoulder every two steps. I wasn't a fan of walking home by myself and the idea of having a psychotic rapist follow me just to he could pull me into an alley and rape me wasn't very exciting.

The walk back seemed longer to me somehow, as if I were walking through water or in slow motion. Suddenly every building looked the same and I felt dizzy like somewhat running around in circles. I stopped short and closed my eyes. Calm down, Nina, I urged myself and realized that my breathing was coming out in short, quick pants. What the heck was wrong with me? This wasn't the first time I'd walked home alone in the dark so why was I freaking out all of a sudden? I took a deep breath and then another. I was just scaring myself was all there was to it. There wasn't any rapist waiting to strike around the corner. I was just being paranoid and as soon as I got home, then everything would be alright. I had a party to prepare for and nothing was going to stop me from going. I was going to pretend to be Claire's friend so her parents could convince Mr. Flynn to cancel the suspension. I was going to-

I felt the hard grip on my shoulders and the hot breath on my neck before I could even open my eyes. Almost instantaneously, I whipped around swiftly and swung my grocery bag at the assailant, making him stumble with a baffled cry. Like hell I was going to get raped. This guy could keep his dick zipped up in his pants if he didn't want me to call the police and press charges. He could-

"Ow! Nina, hey! God, stop!" Bryan shouted and brought his arms up to his face to protect himself.

I immediately swung the bag one last time, managing to catch him on the shoulder. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded. "Why are you sneaking up on me like that? Are you just trying to give me a damn heart attack?"

"I just wanted to give you a ride home since it's dark and it's dangerous for girls to walk home by themselves-"

"I can take care of myself just fine," I spat out angrily. "I don't need you to protect me from anything or anyone."

'Yeah because your grocery bags are sure to protect you against the sadistic rapists of the world," he replied disdainfully and rolled his eyes. "Just get in the car so I can take you home."

"Aw, that's so sweet of you," I responded derisively. "Bryan Warwick has come to save the day." I even clapped my hands for the jerk.

"Very funny, Nina," he grumbled and pointed to his dark blue convertible down the street from us. "Just get in okay? And knock it off with all the sarcasm. It's really annoying."

I regarded his stupid car with a scowl. "I'm not getting into your stupid piece 'a crap car!" I turned and walked away, but Bryan grabbed my shoulder.

"Don't be so stupid!" he shouted acidly. "Something will happen to you if you stay out here by yourself!"

"Oh? Since when is it any of your concern what happens to me?" I growled and wrecked my shoulder out of his grasp. "Don't act like you actually care about me!"

"What the hell is your problem?" he asked and threw his hands up in the air. "Why the hell are you acting like such a bitch?"

I blinked at him like he'd just slapped me across the face or something. Did this jerk just call me a damn bitch? I shoved back as hard as I could, sending him staggering against his car.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I roared. This time I raised my fist and swung at him, catching him in the jaw.

"You ditch me for your stupid In crowd friends and then all of a sudden start acting like we're friends again? You expect me to go along with that? Who the hell do you think you are, you asshole?" I was breathing heavily and shaking all over by the time I was finished. Honestly, just what kind of human being does that?

"Nina, I do care!" he retorted just as hotly. "I never said that I didn't! I just-"

I scoffed at his answer. "Yeah, you care," I berated and rolled my eyes. "Is that why you ditched me for your 'In' crowd followers and constantly bully me? Because you care?"

"Look," Bryan replied through clenched teeth. "You have it all wrong! I didn't ditch you- you ditched me! What the hell was I supposed to do?"

I let out a long, humorless laugh. By then, there were people gathered around watching us bicker back and forth like a marriage couple, but I didn't care. If I had to show the world what kind of asshole Bryan Warwick was, then that was what I would do.

"I ditched you." It wasn't a question.

With a loud battle cry, I swung my fist again and this time managed to connect with his nose. Bryan cried out and shoved me back against the ground with one hand and held his bleeding nose with the other. I smirked in satisfaction. That was what he deserved for lying to my face like that. Why couldn't he just man up for once in his life and just own up to what he did? Why pretend like it never happened?

"Nina!" Bryan shouted viciously as I turned and walked away in the direction of my home.

Screw Bryan and his lies. We both knew the cause of our fallout and if he was too spineless and cowardly to admit it, then so be it. I had a life to live and I wasn't going to spend it thinking about Bryan again. I huffed and left Bryan behind me to shout my name into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Nina!" Dad gasped as I slammed the front door shut behind me and crossed the living room to hug him. He gave me a big bear hug and a kiss on the forehead before he released me. "Where have you been? It's almost nine thirty!"

"It's that late already?" I asked and glanced down at Dad's plain white pajama bottoms. It could only mean one thing; mom and the triplets were asleep. I resisted the urge to do a victory dance right then and there. That left me with only a half an hour to figure out what I had to wear to the party and how I was going to get there. It wasn't like I had any friends that could come and pick me up and the last person that offered me a ride got a bloody nose from a punch in the face.

"You went shopping?" he asked and jerked his chin in the direction of the plastic bags in my hands. I nodded and gave him a lopsided smile.

"Yeah, I did. I finished the juice and thought I'd go out and get some at the Walgreens a block away."

"It took you over two hours to buy some juice?" he questioned and I sighed wearily.

"Yeah because I ran into stupid Bryan and he tried to give me a stupid ride. We got into a stupid fight and I gave a good punch in the face for calling me a bitch."

Dad scowled at me. "Man, if that kid wasn't underage then so help me God I would-"

I laughed and patted his shoulder as I went into the kitchen to put away the juice. "Don't worry, Dad. Everything's taken care of. Just go to bed." The sooner he went to bed, then the better chance I had of sneaking out of the house undetected. The last thing I needed or wanted was to get caught by anybody. That would be another two weeks of being grounded and I just couldn't have that.

"Alright, kiddo. Goodnight."

And then he disappeared into his bedroom upstairs and I was alone downstairs. I smiled gleefully to myself as I kicked the refrigerator door closed and half-skipped my way up the stairs. At least I knew where stupid Claire lived. I would just have to walk there and change into something when I got there. What other option did I have?

I crept quietly into my room and shut the door gently behind me. It was dark in here except for the thin beams of pale moonlight that peaked in through the curtains of my windows. I sighed and stripped myself of my clothing. Was there enough time for me to shower? I'd decided against it and tiptoed around in the dark toward my closet. The sooner I got out, then the better chance I had of getting there to suck up to Claire and her stupid parents.

Ugh. Why did life have to suck so bad sometimes?

I managed to pull out a denim shorts and a tight black 'Aerosmith' T-shirt that I got for Christmas from my Dad. Yeah, I had the coolest Dad in the whole damn world. It didn't take me long to get dressed and find the pair of the muddy combat boots Id' sworn to school two days ago and shove an unopened packet of Chips Ahoy under my arm as I threw the lock on my bedroom door.

I was half-way down the stairs when I heard a trio of forced coughs from the top of the stairs. I froze mid-step and turned around slowly to face my three worst enemies. If there was one thing I hated more then Claire Romano and Bryan Warwick it had to have been dealing with my three obnoxious triplet sisters. I sighed and mentally kicked myself.

"Hey, Nina," Ashleigh said casually, like two people making conversation. Brooklyn and Carly stood on each side of her wearing identical devilish smirks on their faces. I sighed again in irritation. Would I go to jail if I got some duct tape, tied these three brats in chairs and stuffed them in my closet? It was beginning to look like a good idea, but where was I going to get the tape? I sure didn't have any on me.

"You plan on sharing those with us?" Brooklyn asked and let out a dark giggle. "We sure love Chop Ahoy, don't we girls?"

Carly and Ashleigh nodded in unison. I sighed and handed over the package. At least I had some more in room and these brats couldn't get to them since I'd locked the door.

"Alright, but just don't tell mom and dad, okay? I have something really important that I have to do so-"

"In the middle of the night?" Carly questioned like a detective interrogating a suspect.

I scowled at them. Why was I explaining myself to them? Who the hell was the older one here? Like hell I was going to sit here and waist my time arguing with a trio of snot-nosed little monsters. I huffed and spun around on my heel and was out the door before either Ashleigh, Brooklyn, or Carly could say anything about it.


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Wed Mar 23, 2016 3:37 am
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Evander wrote a review...



Hey, Ice! I'm here with a quick review. I believe I've read the fourth chapter, but that was awhile back. Feel free to disregard some of this advice mentioned here.

A big thing that stands out here is the fact that there's little variation in paragraph size. Unless it's a dialogue line, then there aren't many one liners or smallish paragraphs. They're all huge chunks of text that are a bit tedious to read through, especially since the next paragraph is a huge chunk of text to rea through with no break or deviation from the norm. While it could be a stylistic choice, it's also a choice that's a bit hard on the eyes.

With the triplets, it gets a little unnecessary to refer them just as that after a while. While it's a great shortener, it also causes instances like these: it had to have been dealing with my three obnoxious triplet sisters. .

As for the triplets as characters, they almost feel like robots specifically to get into Nina's way rather than actual characters with motivations and backstory. They're similar to two dimensional antagonists whose only purposes are to thwart the plans of the main character, whether they actually have reason to act like that towards her or not.

Ugh. Why did my life have to suck so badly?

A lot of this chapter was just the main character griping about her life, talking about how unfair it was even if most of her problems seemed caused by how she reacted to a lot of events. Her conversation with Bryan proves this. It's almost impossible to be on her side without seeing her side of the story first. At least, the behavior that she's exhibited this chapter makes it almost impossible to agree with her on some issues, making her an unlikable protagonist. While I might be wrong on this front, her treatment of those around her and the air that she talks about other people is just extremely unsettling.

Although, while I think that I've talked about this before, your protagonist does have an incredibly strong, incredibly distinct voice! While I am viewing this under a critical lens for the sake of this review, she's very persuasive in some areas and while she is unlikable, she is growing on me.

I sighed out loud.

How else would you sigh? :P

I don't really have that much else to say about this chapter! I do hope that you'll keep on writing!

~Adrian, Knight of RED




IceWinifredd says...


Hey Adrian!

Thanks for the lovely review! I do appreciate your feedback. You've actually pointed out a few things that I never picked up on myself so thanks for that. You're not the first to love-hate the main character. She's actually a different type of character that I've been wanting to experiment with for a while. I'm glad it's working out in my favor a bit. Thanks for the read.



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Sat Jan 30, 2016 4:58 pm
Vex15 wrote a review...



Wow. I have to say I am impressed. I just read this, even though I haven't read the earlier chapters. But wow.

I really liked how your chapter evenly flowed. The vocabulary was moderate, and no trouble happened as I read each line. The chapter, in general, was quite enjoyable. The main character doesn't like Bryan, doesn't like her siblings, wants freedom, and wants to have a normal life. Those things are all what everyday teenagers could want.

You've done a good job with all of this! :D :D

Here's what I recommend be fixed, and tweaked. You can choose not to, since who am I to criticize something I couldn't write myself?


After Brooklyn and Carly and Ashleigh start talking to Nina, I noticed "mom and dad" should be capitalized. The swearing... (I don't swear though I'm 14) could be reduced slightly, but I do agree it is normal for a teenager to say that. I detected one typo, when you wrote:

"You plan on sharing those with us?" Brooklyn asked and let out a dark giggle. "We sure love Chop Ahoy, don't we girls?" (You can find the mistake in here)

That's all I really found for some negatives. Thank you for sharing! I'm glad to have read this! We need to review more in the Green Room. Pass it on!

:D Happy writing! :D

~Em





Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.
— Pablo Picasso