Where the Mullein Grows
I walked outside to see the woods today,
Through un-shoveled paths of virgin snow,
And reached a creek across which there lay
An ice-bridge to where the mullein grows.
Ah! Where the mullein grows—or should I say grew?
For now it is brown, and crumbles to dust
When I clasp my hand around the stem—like you
Gently held mine—now a withered husk.
Just months prior it stood verdant and proud,
When I showed you the leaves of velvet,
And brewed you tea: medicine to uncloud
The approaching thunderstorm of regret
Life comes in cycles that vary with time:
One day we’ll exchange our mullein for pine,
Until then I’d just like for you to know
It isn’t your touch, but the seeds that you sow.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hey Ice,
This was really nice. I have a few questions and little bits I'm going to pick out but only to understand better. I know that these things are probably what you were referring to in your PM but in case they're not I thought I'd ask =)
I think it's just the punctuation of these two lines that throw me, but I'm wondering what you are trying to say in this stanza.
Love it!
Here, are you trying to kind of say you did something to clear away the regret you think she will feel before it's arrived? I don't think that makes sense. If not, let me know.
Here I feel like the message you are sending changes completely. Through out the rest of it you're talking about a failed relationship and remembering it and here it's as if you go from that to telling the girl that it isn't her touch but what she leaves behind. Can you explain this a little bit to me?
I know I'm nit picking, sorry. This was bloody brilliant though (as usual). As always let me know if you post anything new!
BeckFletch. xx
Hello there
Hmm...now this is what I'm talking about. You are really good, I loved this. I loved how everything meshes together and the general flow of you ideas. The first two lines of the first stanza were just divine, the way they rolled off the tongue,
Honestly, this is by far the best piece I've seen so far today.
Good job!
I absolutely loved your metaphor. Also, you have a very interesting vocabulary, the word choices were great.
Your art is beautiful, I could practically paint with those words.
First of all I love this poem! Good work.
Love this ending very touching.
Also love this part how it connects with the previous bit about the stem with the hand. Very clever!
Love this poem.
Keep writing!