Life is a river
It is sometimes rapid
It is sometimes calm
But still, it continues on
Unless someone tries to interfere
Making it narrower and weaker
But it will continue on
Down a curvy ravine
Other rivers intertwining with each other
Eventually, it will slow down
Over time
It will hit the rocks
Get beaten down
Dry up
And slowly be forgotten
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140,734 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hello Ian! Sis here for a review! Let's begin!
I see Hadj mentioned punctuation and I agree. When I first started writing on this site people told me that I should use punctuation and I didn't want to because it wasn't really my style but it really helped me make my poems flow better.
I like this idea you have of the italics, but I agree with the others who said that it messed up the flow a little. Placing the stress on these italicized words was a bit awkward in the overall scheme of things.
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. You have a fantastic style, and I encourage you to continue.
I realize this review is a couple years late, but I noticed this review draft so I figured I'd submit this review to you, even though it has been a couple of years.
Keep writing, my friend.
-Sis
Hi, Ian! Nice poem- as soon as I saw it I had to read it. I liked the imagery you have used as it all relates perfectly. The ending is really sad but it totally makes sense and it is appropriate there.
"Down a curvy ravine
Other rivers intertwining with each other"
I liked these lines. Relationships are really well portrayed here. (Hope Iam right about that)
My favourite lines would be:
"But still, it continues on
Unless someone tries to interfere
Making it narrower and weaker"
Overall: I loved this poem and hope to read more of your work very very soon.
- Anshira.
hey
a few things that could improve your work would be:
1. To make the poem flow ( you have almost got it but it needs to be improved)
2. Some words are not needed in this poem such as ( the word but)
but over all its great keep up the work
Hi there, nice poem!
A few little things:
1) It might flow better with stanza separation and punctuation
2) "Unless someone tries to interfere
Making it narrower and weaker
But it will continue on "
The word "But" isn't necessary here
Other than that, this was a very nice metaphor. Nice work and keep writing
~Hadj
Dear Ianhammond98,
This was an excellent read; thank you very much. I like the form of the poem and the conclusion near the last few lines. You have chosen to be conservative in punctuation which is fine. The theme of the poem was a little watery, but you added enough material to make up for it. Great enjoyment!
What I found distracting were the italicized words. I found no reason to isolate the words; instead, the rhythm was bunked off the tracks. I was not too fond of the title by the way. It seemed a little overused, and it didn't grab my attention in a unique way. Also, in line five you introduce 'someone.' I don't particularly like this added character; keep it simple with just the river.
The last six lines were fantastic. Simple, your choice of words were very rewarding. Rocks beating up a river is an expression I haven't read before. Also, the last line was kind of nostalgic for me, if that makes any sense. It was a nice touch to finish off a good conclusion to the poem. Thank you very much for writing and posting this piece; it makes me feel better about poetry and its artists. Later!
Sincerely,
Z