It kills me to know that there is nothing I can do
to this feeling I shall not subdue
My heart is in pain and sorrow
but the reason I don't know
Boredom is dominating my day
contemplating in my bed I lay
Don't ask me why
Because to you I will just lie
It's not hate I have for you
and this is not about you
From outside you see me smile
you don't realize that this is in my style
Holding everything inside
taking all the things in my stride
Wishing for wings ...
to fly
unlike us human beings
who can't try
Left alone I want to stay
to cope
to understand my fragility
to hope
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Hi thanks everyone for the reviews, I tried to make some little improvements on the rhyming hopefully the emotion is still there =)
i really liked this poem. i can totally relate to it. i think the flow of the poem can be improved. putting more rhyming words may help but its your wish. you have described the emotions very nicely. keep up the good work.
I had some issues with the rhyme scheme. You have couplets, half of them rhymed, the other half didn't.
Doesn't rhyme, but it seems like there was an attempt to rhyme.
Nice opposites, but no rhyme.
I doubt that counts as one though. That's just repeating what you said.
Now if you weren't trying to rhyme, you have permission to hunt me down and tell me I'm wrong. I just thought that it was a bit wacky.
However, this does not mean that the poem wasn't good, because it was. I liked it, just the rhyme scheme got to me.
People can really relate to this. Good Job. One of the first works I saw and here and happy that it was:)
quite a nice poem, you used a good range of descriptive words
I do however think the flow of the poem could be improved,
overall a really nice piece to read!
Looking forward to reading more of your poems
Happy Writing!
Hey there. I like your poem. It's a good one. You misspelled lie. Anyway, it's a good poem and keep writing to improve it.
Good luck and keep writing,
Alicia.
Hi, I'm new here. This is the first poem I saw. I related to this so much, you really spoke to the reader and your audience and you should be proud of that! The only problem was is that you spelt lie wrong (you spelt it as lye). Thanks for the great poem and I'll keep my eye out for more of yours.