Published May 22, 2011
Memories of her starving to see us eat,
memories of her sick and weak,
memories of how hard it was to take action,
there was no limit to time,
days were months and months seemed years.
Memories of how much love she put into making our life joyful,
memories of how indifferent we were to that,
taking everything for granted was the motto for each day.
Memories of how even when she needed us the most,
where the roles were meant to switch,
she would take us under her wings.
Memories of how We, I, They, made her suffer
bu she did never complain.
How can someone be so understandable
while going through so much hurdle;
how can someone wear a happy mask day after day,
just so that our world would not fall apart.
When we were told ...
when we were told the bad news,
we still hoped,
yet we still took her life for granted.
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141,460 Literary Works • 674,479 Reviews
Hello, thanks for the reviews I'll take your advices in consideration and Sassykat your interpretation of my poem is exactly what I meant
In response to CuteJack, I think this was a poem about one of many younger children whose mother just died (that's what's making them "sore" memories). That's the thing I got from it, anyway. It was a very sweet poem. I really liked the tenderness of it. It almost made me cry! Oh, you are good at this.
Aaaw, this is a sweet poem.
Other than the things I pointed out above I didn't see any problems with it.
I thought the flow was great and it all fit together well. There was great emotion in it too.
Overall, great job.
Keep writing,
Alzora
I like the emotion you put into this, it's very descriptive and paints a good picture. I think if the lines were a bit shorter it would flow a bit better, but it doesn't sound too bad as it is now. A couple of things though, I think here: "How can someone be so understandable / while going through so much hurdle;" you mean understanding rather than understandable, and I'm not sure about the hurdle part - I think it would sound better if you either said hurt rather than hurdle, or said something like "jumping over so many hurdles", just because "many hurdle" doesn't really make sense. Also, "but she did never complain" sounds slightly awkward so I'd rephrase that somehow - maybe swap "did" with "would" or something. Aside from that though, I think this works well and kind of sounds like a long train of thought, which sounds really good, so well done.
This was pretty emotional. I liked the ending and the soul you've put into writing it. Your grammar and punctuation is very good as well.
Hello there,
I thought this was a really amazing piece of poetry that captured the key elements of writing magnificently. I really liked the format and layout of this because it really added to the flow of this poem a lot. It was also very presentable because of the layout as well. I was though, ever so slightly confused about the meaning of this poem. I couldn't completely understand the actual topic that you were writing about so maybe next time you could try and make that clearer and more defined to the reader. It's just a small suggestion though, I generally thought this was really good. The grammar was also excellent and the conclusion to this was very bold, beautiful and also sad. I think this was an amazingly graceful, beautiful and heartfelt poem. Don't change anything in this, it was very good. Next time you are writing a poem though, try and define the subject matter clearer because this was just a little confusing at times.
From CuteJackRussell