Published September 2, 2010
Rumors, cars, people,
mischievous faces, attentiveness,
train terminates.
Language, differences,
never quietness, monotony,
people talking,
saying nothing;
throughout silence
eyes define everyone.
Accent characterizes us ,
ohh ... culture always in your veins,
you can't escape your origins,
always there.
We are travelers,
lost, confused,
this is our humanity.
..................
I know this is weird just rip it to pieces!!
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Canary word: Present
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141,435 Literary Works • 674,415 Reviews
Hi CreativeFreak thanks for the punctuation adjustments they were actually needed and to be honest I was in a rush when I sent it, also I am happy that you appreciated this style of writing. Hi Abigal thanks for the constructive advice, I think I will make that change on the second stanza however I prefer language to be the way I left it for now.
Hi there.
This is a really cool, good poem and I enjoyed it so much, but there are nitpicks:
Great job, I loved it.
Write on and PM me for anything.
My favorite line
Hi Iamnotperfect! I like this. I really don't think it's that weird. I like the way it flows a lot. It's really hard to get a poem to flow without making up corny rhymes, believe me. You really did a great job on this.
I would change "language" to "languages," just because the word "differences" is plural.
I like that you said this, but I'll be blunt in telling you that I don't like how it's said. Please take no offense at this: it's the sort of thing you would hear somebody say in conversation. "They aren't talking, but in reality they're saying nothing." There's just something unpoetical about it. Ugh, I don't know why! How about ...
To me, it gets the point across without breaking the flow of the poem.
Overall, great work! Keep writing!