Ten Words

Hats off to your marvelous work!
I loved the message you have conveyed and i appreciate you for all the efforts you have put up here!
though it had some mistakes and i would like to clear them
In these lines-
I do what I can,
To try and please you.

This does not looks more of a poetic language type
Maybe you could change that.
And a poem is not needed to be a rhyming one, but rhyming brings fun in reading and creates a enthusiasm but if you are rhyming a poem , it should be done for the entire poem and not just one or two stanza's.
It should be either of the form
A
B
A
B

OR
A
A
B
B

I Felt in this stanza

I try and I try,
To feel anything,
I cry and I cry,
Because you end up screaming.

You added the words anything and screaming just to rhyme it but it is not suiting

These lines
I want to be clean,
I want to be steady.
Look more of a like sentence type
Try to get it in a poetic type.
Anyways.. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

this peotry is related to lot of sentiments.....and i hope that u r not a very sentimental person. but its a cute and sweet poem. well, i am giving this review because i like ur poem very much. if i compare ur poetry with today's mordern women, then it looks like that this poem want to tell us that wat iz the condition of women around the globe.

hence i don't want to go deep into that matter, but overall its a nyc poem, keep it up!

This is a wonderful poem, and I loved it. Generally, I'm not a poetry person, but this had a passion that I couldn't avoid. I enjoyed how it was written, and the message was strong but still had an excellent flow. I loved it. I'd like to see more.

This is a really passionate poem. Great job! You pulled me in right away with the first stanza and after that, it kept my interest. I felt like your rhythm was a bit messed up in some places, but sometimes that's necessary. Your rhyme felt a -tiny- forced, but it was nothing to worry about. I really liked this poem and your emotion was almost tangible. Great work. my favorite stanza was
"I tell myself to hold on,
I say it everyday.
I say it won't be long,
Until you'll have to pay."
Although I think The "you'll" in the last line should be I'll. But I'm not in charge of your poem.
Great work! You have lots of talent!
Keep writing!
-Fortis Fortitude

"Now I have been stolen and mentally raped" grabbed my attention immediately . Very well done on bringing so much emotion into your poetry

I really liked the way you mentioned these "ten words" and the different ways they made you feel .

I must give you credit on not only expressing these intense emotions but also forcing these feelings upon your reader . I really felt every bit of emotion

Good writing

Very well done, I must say! My favorite part:

" I tell myself to hold on,
I say it everyday.
I say it won't be long,
Until you'll have to pay.

You disappoint me,
You know that already.
I want to be clean,
I want to be steady.

These ten words I get,
Make me feel stuck.
I think that I'm over it,
Call it bad luck.

So here's more than ten words,
And then my goodnight.
Seems my vision is blurred,
There's no end in sight."

So pretty much the last four stanzas.

The first thing I'll say critique-wise is I was a little confused the whole time on exactly what the ten words were supposed to be. I noticed, because I'm slightly OCD and read into things a little bit more than I should (I'm female, don't judge ), that the last two lines of every stanza that mentioned the ten words--the first, and then the last two--had ten words in them...but that's thirty words?? Is that where the "more than ten words" part comes in?? Anyway, I was confused about that.

Also there were a couple parts where I felt that the rhyme was just a little bit forced. There were also moments where it felt very forced. For instance:

"You knew what you were getting into,
You know that I'm [crazy.]
Now you say that we're through,
Because I'm [lazy."]

Nowhere else does laziness come into play. I could only conclude that it was the only plausible adjective you could think of that rhymed with "crazy." I don't blame you, though, I can't think of anything better, except to maybe reword that.

I try and I try,
To feel [anything,]
I cry and I cry,
Because you end up [screaming.]

Not necessarily a forced rhyme here. Mostly what felt off was the beat, the emphasis, and flow. Read it out loud. My mind words strangely, so ignore me if you like, but what my mind did with this stanza as I read it to myself was as follows:
"I TRY and I TRY/to FEEL anyTHING/I CRY and I CRY/becaus;tlaewnaaeaMING." For real. The extra syllables in the last line just don't quite work, at least for me.

I had a chance to leave,
But I got too scared.
Couldn't bear to conceive,
What you'd do if caught unprepared.

Again, with the extra syllables. "Couldn't BEAR to conCEIVE/Whata;ljoawoehaPARED."

Not a bad piece at all, though, don't get me wrong. I loved it, it was very meaningful and well-written. Like all poems, though, with a little TLC it could be magnificent. Good luck and keep writing!

~Sassy