Wicked <3Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a really nice piece here I think. You've managed to pull of quite something here with this story...and I like this slow introduction to the horror that we can't fully distinguish from a dream before that very real shock to end on.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I pulled the covers closer to my body. I shivered as the cold winter air seeped into the basement. The television was playing a re-run from one of those teenage soap operas about pregnancies. I lay on the couch half asleep, the book lying on my chest was threatening to slip off. My eyes felt heavy, I yawned and blinked trying to stay awake but sleep was too strong and pulled me under. As I fell asleep everything felt slow motion. Time seemed to drag on as my eyes took their time closing. All I heard was the whistle of the wind outside and then I was pulled into the darkness and serenity of sleep.
Okayy...so this is an interesting start here. A little different from what most stories tend to be cause we appear to have someone that's falling asleep here as opposed to most stories that start with waking up. I get the feeling that we're about to witness something like an important dream or something along those lines.
I opened my eyes to find myself sitting on my brother Derek's room. I stood up and walked over to the light switch. The wall moved back as if I could not touch it. I rubbed my temples and walked over to Derek. I didn't even want to know why I was standing in his bedroom. He lay asleep, his dark brown curly hair was knotted and sticking out in every direction. As he breathed out a small trickle of drool slid out of his mouth, I had to cover my mouth from laughing and waking him up. Derek was thirteen with olive green eyes, olive toned skin and a slim, lanky body. He was all limps and he was still having trouble getting used them after his large growth spurt over the summer. As he lay asleep he looked so peaceful I could not help but smile.
Okay...that's an interesting description. Its actually bordering on mildly scary there, I feel like we're seeing someone that's not in the best of health and...this is about to turn into perhaps a proper nightmare here. Well, let's see where this goes. So far, this is proving to be quite interesting.
My smile faded quickly as I saw his hand move and the skin rippled. All I could do was stare in shock and horror as Derek breathed in deeply and his arm grew more hair while his skin filled out with fat. His arm slowly crept towards him as it shrank in size. He mumbled something and rolled over. When I was sure he was asleep I looked over his shoulder. His arm was back to normal as if nothing had ever happened. It is just a dream. I kept reminding myself as I crept out of his room and into the hallway.
The hallway had an eery feeling to it as I walked down to my sisters room. Juliana's white hair was perfect. It was combed and braided fishtail style. Her fair skin seemed to glow against the pale moonlight that seeped through her curtains. The few freckles she had made her look even more petit for a fifteen year old. Juliana was petit in every way which made her the perfect flyer for cheerleading. Her violet eyes flickered benneth her eyelids. She looked so calm that I almost screamed as her body began to become transparent. Every time she would breathe in you could see her clearly but when she exhaled I only knew she was there by the impression her body made against her sheets.
OKayy...so that is sounding like a proper scene out of a horror movie so far. Things are definitely kicking off with a bang here and the best part is that its hard to judge if this is all ream or if this is simply the dream being extra nightmarish. Some of these things are almost too close to reality for it to be a simple dream.
I ran out of her room not wanting to see anymore. This dream felt so real I was almost beginning to believe it was true but what they were doing was impossible. I didn't even want to see my what my sister Lily could do but I crept up to her door just to make sure she wasn't dead or being eaten by some sort of aliens...I was panicing and thinking of the worst case scenarios. I pushed her door open slowly and stepped inside so I could see her. When I looked over at her my jaw dropped and I had to use the wall to support me from falling.
"Holy shit."
Ahhh...a classic technique in use there to create that particular cliffhanger. I think you've done very well there. Its a very good moment to end this particular piece on. You manage to create a very interesting atmosphere I think...and it definitely makes you want to come back and read more here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, we're off to an interesting start here, and I think this is certainly a very well done Chapter 1. I definitely find myself wanting to read more here at this point. This is proving to be a pretty interesting read.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
Donate