Pinned to the ceiling like a butterfly on wax paper. Limbs bound tightly with leather, my eyes dripping pools of tears onto the tiles in patterns, each one hitting the floor in a melodic burst that sounds like breaking glass. I'm going nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, a little faster than I planned. "Nowhere" is that little place, that town behind his irises. That place filled with bright blue objects, every home lining the cobalt, sky, electric, cornflower, navy, teal, dark streets evicted by "Them". "They" are those foolish emotions packed away in storage boxes against the back walls of my long lost elation, collecting dust and being completely forgotten by every cell in my body. "Numb" is stamped across my broken wrist in smeared black ink, and I am holding my own in a paradise where everyone is the same, just a ceiling ornament waiting for a good idea to make her spark up again. My jaw is locked in three places and I know he broke a few of my ribs when he left, because I can still feel that rush of air sinking through my skin and into that empty space under my ribcage. He plucked that bleeding, pulsating, torn muscle right out of my chest like it was a cherry, dragging it behind him for miles. I regret ever showing him where I kept it, and I still remember - will always remember - that fucked up surgery he performed on me over a span of three monthes, slowly penetrating me until he found it, then ran away with it before he was caught. My thief of hearts. Now my hair is falling out in clumps and making pretty little whispy sounds against the tiles, some strands moistening as they settle into the puddles that reflect my naked, screaming form. I'm decaying from the inside out, and I know this is what death feels like.
How?
He showed me.
He'll showed you too, someday.
Everything comes in cycles these days,
even those blue eyed creatures, that come and go,
and will never let me sleep.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So...really dark depiction of I think something along the lines of breakup or something like that where you've taken those feelings and made in to a pretty neat story here. The imagery that you've used is really powerful to show what's going on in what I think is either the mind or the heart. And it does a great job with that.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that was quite the opening paragraph although I think it's just a little too long. It would be much more effective at conveying its message if it was packed into a smaller couple or maybe even three paragraphs because this one is just too much of a big old chunk of text to have that same impact. Besides that its a really interesting way to start something off.
Well that's quite dark ending as usual. I have come to realized that most of the stories if not all of the stories on this site are dark and sad. But this is at least a fresh take on that so it's pretty well done.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Aaand well I can't exactly say it was fun to read because it was a pretty sad story but it was really well done. Besides the giant opening paragraph this flows really smoothly and it contains so much hidden meaning and emotion. So great job with this awesome piece of work.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you!
intresting it was a bit confusing but intresting keep it up
Loved it!!
My jaw is locked in three places and I know he broke a few of my ribs when he left, because I can still feel that rush of air sinking through my skin and into that empty space under my ribcage. He plucked that bleeding, pulsating, torn muscle right out of my chest like it was a cherry, dragging it behind him for miles.
That up there should be a new paragraph and the one afterwards. Keep up the good work