The Womb of My Affections

The Womb of My Affections

My burdens steered me here

In a treacherous direction.

The shackles made it difficult,

The shackles of shame and rejection.

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If you are reading this now,

Do  know that I’m in pain.

It took me my all to do this

And it will never happen again.

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It was something which took place

A long, long time ago.

Awoken my affections

And imbued me with sorrow.

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I may not know you well,

But I sank in rather deep.

Time and thoughts casted a spell

And robbed me of my sleep.

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I sifted through my feelings.

One by one ungloved.

And after months of denying,

I realised it was love.

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Your kindness is endearing,

Overflowing and surreal.

Enheartened  me with worth

But enslaved me with zeal.

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Your presence brings me healing,

But sometimes it hurts to know

The rate at which I’m feeling

And your absence by tomorrow.

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I tested out my pride

To see if I were fickle,

But it didn’t matter anymore

‘Cause my heart sights are now crippled.

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One day you may lack

In measure or in display,

But I can’t tell the difference

‘Cause you’re perfect either way.

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I ran an ultrasound

To find the cause of this.

But this is too profound,

Discernment ran amiss.

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I guess there is no reason.

It’s just you and you alone.

Like a king who wears the crown

Simply by inheriting the throne.

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This  virgin heart was fertile.

This never happened before.

This is past superficial.

This is something more.

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But still I do not harbour

Any hope of bearing fruit.

I need to obey the Father,

So in His plans will I take root.

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Sowed the seeds of strife,

Forming what’s not yours to carry.

I’ll never be your wife

And it’s not you whom I’ll marry.

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This conception won’t come to pass

I labour but in vain.

I hope this goes by fast,

Could no longer stomach the pain.

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In the name of grace,

Please pardon my release.

I hope this changes nothing

But keeps us both at ease.

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The ease of getting by

With our usual norms.

Without the need to shy

Or mask in pretentious forms.

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Promise me one thing,

That our friendship will not cease.

I hope things remain normal

So I can miscarry in peace.

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May life keep and love you,

The way you did unto others.

And may happiness find you

Even till the day you be another’s.