Over the settling white backdrop, we walk past.
Hands clasped and hearts thrumming,
With promises for the new year.
I remember, old winter days.
Journal full of memories of mischief,
We trace our path together of olds and news.
Running with each other, out of breathe,
Echoes of our laughter in the air.
Eyes full of mirth, I remember.
Under the flickering fairy lights,
You knelt and vowed with blooming flowers.
Shining rings reflecting our admiration.
I remember, the twirl of love.
Seeing your smile under the first fall of snow,
The gasp of realization.
It's the beginning of another winter,
The last page of fluttering calendar.
We still walk, side by side.
Hands clasped and warm good nights.
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Cyer here with a review! As always, please keep in mind that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad!
The 'hands clasped and hearts thrumming, with promises for the new year' line really struck a chord with me, and helped me to envision beautiful snow covered trees and glistening snow. All around such a gorgeous line. Howeverrrr the 'over the settling white backdrop' didn't really cut it for me as a description. Maybe because your describing it in terms of an object [ig backdrop is a noun]. I can't speak for other readers, but for me, imagery works best when I can visualize what's happening in my head, or when the imagery invokes an emotion or feeling [ig. a feeling of winter magic, or b. the feeling of cold winter wind in this case], and that description really didn't do that. Maybe you should consider polishing your descriptions more?
This is your poem though, and not mine, so your welcome to disregard any feedback that's unhelpful
Ahhhhh this is just a personal pet peeve of mine, so ignore this, but two phrases containing a noun followed by something like 'of such and such thing' sound awkward to me
Alsoo was the s at the end of 'olds' and 'news' intentional?
Ahhhh that was so gorgeous assjdkfhasdfkjh.
I love how you echo the start of your poem here. To me, that's a sign of good, intelligent writing <33
Aaaand that concludes this review! I hope you found it helpful, and if not, I hope it reached you in someway
-Cy out
Thanks for the review! It was insightful to what I should do more in my writing. I'll keep them in mind^^
And the "olds and news" were intentional in this piece to show their love through the many years.
Happy Holidays!!
Oooh! Cute and nice winter poem to read on Christmas Eve.It’s got a nice message to it.Love will blossom like Winter and if it’s good and true,it will last for yeara and years to come.I love how you mention that you still walk,side by side,together,because the love is eternal.I hope you have a good and lovely day and night.Goodbye and happy holdiays!
Thank you^^ and happy Holidays!!