He walks past the catastrophe,
Viewing the awful cries of plea
Faces, a sketch of devastation.
Dynasties torn apart
From the ugly scars of hatred,
Hands painted red with sins.
Amidst the clash of power
Fragile bodies got crashed,
Innocents trapped into the whirlpool.
The silence to the thunderous uproar
Left behind marks of misery,
Of lost friendships and families.
He walks past everything
Leaving behind a trail,
Of guilt and suppressed tears.
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
I love the way you described the feelings and pain the solider is going through as he walks among a war.No matter who wins,in the end,a war is still a war.People suffer,die and lose loved ones to it,no matter which side.This soldier has more than bravery to fight for his people.Lovely poem.I hope you have a wonderful and beautiful day and night.
Hello! And welcome to the Young Writers Society! This was an all-around incredible poem, with powerful visuals and a somber message. I enjoyed every aspect of it. I read it to be about a solider, bearing the guilt of all he had done. However, looking over it again, I could also see it being about the one responsible for the bloodshed, repressing his guilt and moving past the atrocities they have committed. Either way, it's just as fierce and intense.
However, I think there is some room for improvement. Most of what I say here comes down to personal preference, so feel free to disregard it if you so wish.
At the start of the poem, I expected some form of rhyming scheme with "Catastrophe" and "Plea" However, after that brief moment at the start, there is no other instance of rhyming. I'll admit, this did throw me off.
In the line "Fragile bodies got crashed" I felt perhaps "Fragile bodies were crushed" would make a tad more sense. This one, specifically, is just my opinion, so do whatever you think sounds better.
Other than that, however, this poem was absolutely astounding. As I said, I reread it multiple times because I wanted to better understand the message. It takes a great poet to make your audience stop and think.
Keep on writing, and have a fantastic day!
Thanks for the review^^