reflected reality

I loved this poem! It was so great. I really enjoyed reading it. It had such feeling emotion to it. It felt like you really know what you are talking about. It's good to know a lot about your topic for your poem. I like the part of Salvation but no sake. That's a powerful line.

The only thing I will say is that Word and world don't rhyme. But that's the only thing I saw. Other than that, it was fantastic.

Keep up the good work! You got potential!


- Crystal Hope.

Hi! there Hussein

wow! I like the way you wrote this. Contrasting extremes. Good job.

Who cares about the punctuation right? It's the content that matters here.

I started off unsure. I was reading and my thoughts were like, "Hmm... a bit amateur, a bit blah, this and that, other critical nonsense one might think at a rare condescending moment..." But then I realized what you were doing. Constant contradictions; this is a very intriguing piece. It's just about how EVERYTHING is fake, right? How reality isn't exactly real, we're one thing yet we're all the time another thing. I get it. I like it. That's the idea taken care of.

The imagery was lacking, and for me that's always a bit of a buzzkill. I'm a very descriptive writer, my literary libido is only sated by the likes of John Connolly and Stephen King, hence my similar - albeit less evolved - style. Maybe just a few tiny touches, like make 'lake' 'shimmering lake', or 'salvation but no sake' 'sweet salvation but sour sake'. Just a few things here and there to add a little decoration. Again, that's just me. I think maybe 'Universe but no worlds' could be changed to 'Full universe but empty worlds'. I understand if you don't want this nice unique flow interrupted by my suggestions, but yet again, that's just me. Feel free to pay heed or not.

Vocab didn't need to be amazing to make an impression, and for some people you just won't make an impression no matter what you do... after all... open minds but closed ears
Yours made an impression on me though, and I really did enjoy the whole thing. So bravo, I'll leave you with the advice to keep writing in this enjoyable, different style. It suits your content and it makes an impression with its uniqueness. Thanks for the opportunity to read something new.

Yours in ink,
TS.

Despite the few spelling mistakes and a few words that shouldn't be there, this was very good.

I enjoy the rhyming. I recommend breaking it up into stanzas to ease the reader while reading. If you don't wish to do that, that is okay because this is short enough that it is okay without the breaks, but for future reference. ( I understand if it is a stylistic choice.)

I like the content of this. It's very interesting and takes some thought to understand, but that isn't a bad thing. It is rather good to make the readers sit back and think.

I think there are times where it is very confusing and you could add some commas in there. Like "When about me they talk how they feel" It is phrased strangely for one, but also is just confusing in general. I get what you are saying, I just think it needs something to make sure the reader reads it correctly. So the writing conveys what you wish it to.

Good luck with all your other writing endeavors!
Continue Writing!
- Cody

Hello there HusseinTS! The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your work. Hopefully my review helps you =)

First off let me just start with the structure of your poem (grammar ect) before I move onto my thoughts =) The first thing I noticed was that when you were saying what the poem was about (underneath the title before getting to this page) you had a mistake in spelling You said everthing instead of everything.
Second spelling mistake was on your 11th line, you misspelled Universe, (probably just a error, but I thought I should point it out =)
Third mistake that I saw was on the very last line.
Instead of the word steel you wrote steal And I suggest you get rid of the (a) before the word steal because it doesn't make much sense lol It makes the flow weird and it would sound better without it =)
Another suggestion is that you put some commas, periods, and things like that in your poem. It makes it look better but also sound better in the readers head.

ENOUGH GRAMMER FOR NOW. I don't like grammar lol
Onto my thoughts -
Your poem was written very well with the rhyming of everything, great job. I do have to suggest though that you break the poem up into separate paragraphs, one long thing can get a little overbearing. Smaller paragraphs makes it easier to read and more neat.
The subject of your poem was very very true and I loved how you expressed it, great job!!

Keep writing and feel free to tag me when you post something new!

The Silent Bagpipe signing off,
=)