always we
are* held in
a* delicate* balance
between life
and dying
that we cannot escape
it is easy
to lose but
we suffer together
death is easy*
it is black*
quick*, forever final
harsh is this
perception
of our reality
but death is
natural
and a piece of our lives
good does come*
hard events
shape* lives* into magic
wondrous
beautiful
timelines of impact, for
we must see
the dark to
appreciate the light
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello Hunger4Words!
First of all, nice username! And welcome to Young Writers Society! I'm here if you have questions, I won't mind if you ask me a lot of them either. Second, nice poem! I also liked the message, I tried to convey that same message in one of my works and didn't succeed very well. Now I do have some critique:
For starters, you may want to split it up a little less. It makes it appear choppy, though if you combine some of the lines, it makes it a whole lot smoother.
Pretty much it for me, keep on writing! Look forward to seeing more from you!
~Kelpies.
Thank you! I did try formatting it but when I posted it, the poem lost it's the spaces I put in it... If you know what I did or how to fix it, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could help me
-H4W
LOVED IT. No bad tips here. AS everyone knows dying is a part of the life we live in. We can’t escape it. We can’t make a deal with it. We can’t do anything but have it happen. Life is something that we live and have to live to the fullest every day. And ‘death is easy’ easy for the person who is dead or dying but it’s hard for the ones that cared about that person.
Thanks! Dying is one of the harder parts of living, but even as horrible as it is, death helps to show us that we need to appreciate the small amount of time we have left. I agree; because death is natural, it happens easily and "without a hitch," but the pain that is left behind is incredibly hard to make sense of and come to terms with. I really appreciate your review; thank you
-H4W