The Burrard Bridge Blaze

Hey, this isn't finished yet, but I'll post more later. So far so good...

After breaking up the longest relationship in his life, he began to walk back over the Burrard Street Bridge (capitalize the ‘B’ in Bridge, and get rid of that comma) back to his home a few blocks away from on the other side. He wasn’t gleeful, he wasn’t depressed (I think you should insert a semicolon here, or transition it with a conjunction) he was blank as liquid paper. He did what he knew was right to do, and nothing more.
As for her, she just stood there in utter shock. (Bleh, that’s a rather bland sentence. I know you might be trying to put some finality to it, but at least change the word ‘just’ to something better) She didn’t know what to feel at that moment, just that it couldn’t and shouldn’t be happiness. She watched him as he went over the bridge.
He looked at the people in their cars, driving and being driven over the bridge, (Being driven? It sounds like they’re being driven over the edge of the bridge, as if someone was killing them[i]) going somewhere. It made him wonder where he was going, now that the hurdle of a [i]the break-up was over. He barely even remembered any reasons for why he broke up with her in the first place, other than it feeling felt right. But to himself, that was just enough.
The moment he stepped off the bridge and onto the solid ground on the other side, he felt a wave of warmth hit his back like the tide of the ocean. He saw his shadow grow longer and darker ahead of him.
He was almost frightened to, ([/i]Almost frightened to? Do you mean ‘too’? And I wouldn’t be ‘almost frightened’ if a bridge suddenly burst into flames. Try working around with that phrase[/i]) but he turned around toward the bridge he had crossed, to see it engulfed in bright, warm, strong flame. The cars and, drivers and passengers of them had strangely melted instead of exploding, as science would lead you to believe. The blaze on the rails and the large stone arch in the center rose high to the sky, while the flames on the road and sidewalks along the bridge stayed low and sparking, like a field of burning grass.
And to top off this awing sight, was a girl made of flame was walking across, one who felt nothing but a burning anger after not having any emotion at all. His emotionless state ([/i]He’s still emotionless? After seeing people melt before his eyes?[/i]) turned to near-paralyzing fear, and he started stepping backwards. Every part of the fire gave an instant crackle and outburst, and it knocked him on his back. He began slowly crawling backwards, not taking his widened eyes off the blazing beauty. She walked calmly, but the closer she got to him, the hotter the flames got.

Comments in red.

Howler wrote:After breaking up the longest relationship in his life, he began Began, started, continued, etc. These words slow down the sentence and weaken the prose. So maybe you can cut it? to walk back over the Burrard Street bridge, back to his home a few blocks away from the other side. He wasn’t gleeful[color=#FF0000];[/color] he wasn’t depressed. He was blank as liquid paper. I have no idea what you mean by liquid paper. Poetic, but it makes no sense in my head. He did what he knew was right I cut out "to do" because it was unnecessary., and nothing more.

As for her, she just stood there in utter shock. She didn’t know what to feel at that moment, just that it couldn’t and shouldn’t be happiness. She watched him as he went Went is a weak verb. Substitute with something stronger. over the bridge.

He looked at the people in their cars, driving and being driven over the bridge, going somewhere. It made him wonder where he was going, now that the hurdle of a break up was over. At this point my attention is wavering. >>" He barely even remembered why he broke up with her in the first place, other than it feeling right. This last phrase is awkward. Revise. But to him, that was enough.

The moment he stepped off the bridge and onto the solid ground Isn't the bridge solid ground as well? on the other side, a wave of warmth hit his back like the tide of the ocean. He saw So it suddenly grew longer and darker? oO his shadow grow longer and darker ahead of him.

He was almost frightened to, but he turned around toward the bridge he had crossed to see it engulfed in bright, warm Warm is not strong enough. Especially if it's a big fire. And how could it just go up in flames without him hearing anything?, strong flame. The cars and drivers and passengers of them strangely melted Drivers and passengers will not melt. They will fry to a crisp. instead of exploding, as science would lead you to believe. The blaze on the rails Metal doesn't burn easy, so this leads me to believe these are wooden rails. and the large stone arch in the center rose high to the sky, while the road and sidewalks along the bridge stayed low and sparking, like a field of burning grass.

And to top off this awing sight was a girl made of flame walking across, one who felt nothing but a burning anger after not having any emotion at all. His emotionless state turned to near-paralyzing fear, and he started stepping backwards. Cut started. He backed away would be much more effective. Every part of fire I'm unsure of what you mean by every part of fire. gave an instant crackle and burst, and it knocked him on his back. He began There we go with began again. >>" slowly crawling backwards, not taking his wide eyes off the blazing beauty. She walked calmly, but the closer she got to him, the hotter the flames became.

When she stepped off the burning bridge, onto the land on the other side, the fiery path still grew onwards, to the point where it was right underneath his hands and feet. He felt a light warmth, but no pain or burn, and that confusion led him to stop moving long enough for her to catch up to him and be standing tall in front of him.

She picked him up by the throat without any challenge, as if he were weightless. He still felt no pain from the fire, but he felt the grip strong and firm on his neck. Felt is used twice in one sentence. I'd like it if you could revise it to avoid doing so. The heat was beginning to become warmer So it's a nice feeling? 0o the higher that she lifted him off the ground. When she could not lift him any higher, she stabbed her empty, flaming fist into his body, and every bit of fire disappeared instantly. The heartbreaker she was holding became nothing more than a singed skeleton that fell apart right in her hands in a pile of burnt bones.

And like he had felt while walking over the bridge and breaking up with her, she didn’t feel any disappointment or anger. She just knew that what she did felt so right, and to herself, that was enough.

Major props to you on creepiness and bringing things around again. I liked that! Burning is lovely.

However, there were some issues that made this hard to get to. The beginning doesn't really grab the reader and it makes it hard for me to read through the whole thing. I think your primary problem is that you've thrown us right into the middle of this situation and I know nothing about the characters or the situation. It makes it really hard for me to care about the character and want to keep reading. Mainly: you need a hook.

Secondly, I didn't really feel anything while reading this. You do write a lot about what things feel like - the break ups, the flames, etc - but I don't feel any of it. I think the major problem is that you're telling and not showing a lot of important things. Also focus more on describing in detail not just saying what is happening. Can you use imagery? Similes? Metaphors? Go for it.

Best of luck!