Published March 5, 2010
The film world is one
I dream of each night.
To live and enjoy a life
different than any other.
A world of fame and fortune,
a world of trials and victory.
A world with every happy ending,
a world with success and fulfillment.
So how do you think I felt
when I discovered that
the closest I'd get to that industry
would be owning some crappy theatre?
Sure, it didn't start this way,
with its sticky floors and stiff seats.
It once was clean and civil,
and the air was once smoke-free.
And in that purity
I had still believed
I was close, so close,
to my glorious love.
But nowadays,
I can't help
but think of what
I could've done.
Unfortunately, though,
I wasn't born with talent
to write or act or direct.
No, I was a creativity-free braniac.
So, I took the business side
of this heavenly future,
but now, I realize the truth;
this wasn't how I wanted to live.
When the clock strikes six
and "Avatar" starts playing again,
the viewers will see my hanging corpse
and in fear, they'll hide their eyes.
And if I could talk
I'd say to them
"My happiness is only close to me
in the magic of my dreams"
This wasn't my best decision,
but all I had in life were bills and numbers.
If dreams were what I loved the most
then that's what I'd want to live for.
And the nobodies I knew
might miss me plenty,
but I can proudly say
my dreams are still rolling; and they're happy.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I agree with whoever said that this could have been prose. It's a fairly decent poem, but it's twelve stanzas long and we don't get that much insight into the life of the theater owner. Poems can only get so in-depth, and yours is already bursting at the seams. You've got such a fantastic idea, why not expand upon it and bring it up to its full potential?
-Elinor
Hi there! I really liked this stanza. I think it had really good structure, and I loved how each line started with, "A world." I was thinking that maybe you would want to try making another stanza like this later on, like instead of the world of the films, the world of the character. In the poem, living with bills were mentioned, maybe you could expand on that? In general I really liked this poem and thought it was unique. Good work!
Not bad, my friend. I was surprised by the ending.
As for a review, well, this could have been prose just as easily.
I'm not much for poetry, but there it is.
I liked it, I liked it a lot! As Freak said, victory is spelled wrong.
As I read it, I got a clear picture of the narrator, and that's great. Even in this short piece I felt like I knew what type of person he was. My only complaint would be this one line:
"the viewers will see my hanging corpse
and wonder, "Why, oh why?""
Seemed strange to me. Are they wondering why he seems so sad, or why he's not a good owner or what? Maybe if you added a line saying "Does he seem so sad?" it would make more sense. Other than that, nice poem.
Hi, you can call me Freak if you please.. Nice piece here!
Nitpicks:
*Victory
Only problem. Good job. Really good and deep poem. It tells a very good story and it wasn't really confusing. you give the narrator a sense of character and I think that that is the most important part when it comes to writing poetry.
Keep writing, and stay chill.